Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It so much depends on which state you choose. Going by the things your husband loves most about NJ, it sounds like he wouldn't be very happy in a rural farm area, so look at a map together and try to see if there is anywhere that is both close to relatively cosmopolitan areas and also provides what you are looking for. I think you should try to define exactly what that is first. What does the ideal lifestyle look like for you and your husband, then seek a place that matches it. If you manage to convince him to move somewhere he doesn't want to go, he won't be happy and neither will you. I would also strongly suggest renting first if you move, as no matter what others tell you, you will have to experience it firsthand to know if you will be happy somewhere.
My own experience wasn't pemanant, but I worked and lived in Houston for 6 months. There were lots of pluses; housing was way cheaper, so I was able to afford an apartment in a swanky area that I could never afford in Philly or a swanky area in Jersey. The supermarket I went to had a small band on Friday nights, and because they sell liquor, there are sample people all over offering margherita's, wine, etc. I actually had fun doing my food shopping! It also turned out to be the consignment store capital of the world! There were strips with a dozen of them all next to each other, some really cheap, others swanky and you had to be buzzed in. I think about vacationing in Houston sometimes just to go shopping! The barbeque was the best I've had! The highways were easy for a newby to navigate, because every one of them has this thing called a feeder road running next to it, a 2-lane road with traffic lights that runs the entire length of the highway. I took them for the first month until I got up the courage to get on the highway (they drove just as fast as here, but in big giant pick-ups).
Negative things: There were homeless people EVERYWHERE. You couldn't go to CVS or any other store without being asked for money outside the door, even outside the city. Also, many people did not speak english, even people who work in the supermarkets, etc., so I ended up having to try to mime what I was looking for. I couldn't get a decent cup of coffee in any convenience store (I hated all their convenience stores, almost all old and crappy). Sometimes they would stop making coffee after the morning I had to pump my own gas The food in the supermarkets isn't the same and i missed things I couldn't get there. There was much less of a choice of healthy foods, organic, etc.
It hardly ever rains, but when it does it floods FAST. One morning going to work, I ended up stranded in a Walgreen's parking lot for several hours during a rainstorm that had only begun several hours before. The bugs were GINORMUS, like small animals There seemed to be a lot more palpable tension between races there. I work in a very diverse environment, and while here I have no problem getting along with anyone, there was definitely more of a hostile vibe between races, which I was surprised and disappointed by, having never lived south of Ocean City before.
In any case, I had fun while I was there but I was happy to get back. I'm a roots person though, and to me there's no place like home.
Anecdote: My mom talked about wanting to leave NJ for years. No real tangible argument or points, just grass is greener kinds of stuff. Us kids went to college out of state, mom visited frequently. Kids went to grad school / worked out of state, mom promised to move. Kids got new jobs back in NY and mom can't imagine living anywhere else.
On a serious note, what do you think about Boston? The weather is more of the same, you have the educated neighbors, good schools, shopping and amenities all around. Lots of jobs, cost of living isn't great, but wages balance that out. Plus you are close enough to visit NJ family whenever needed. I think Boston also gets you quicker access to less suburban areas. If you aren't familiar, look at the map below and notice the vast change in density of houses and buildings west of I-95. 95 at route 90 is 12 miles from Boston, so I think you can have the best of both worlds by having a manageable commute even to the downtown of the city while having a calmer existence.
i would start with what you do want... and then try to figure out where you could go. Or what do you not like about NJ. What about somewhere further out in NJ.. ?
Joe makes a good point to first figure out what you want, then look for places that offer it!
As for 'further out in NJ,' my observation is that people who do this accomplish little more than increasing their commutes. Many people who live as far away as NEPA or ABE haven't really 'moved away' from NJ. They still come back for the same jobs, the same social circles, the same doctors, dentists, and other professionals, etc. They've merely converted housing expenses into transportation costs.
All I can say is ... welcome to SE Pennsylvania, burbs - get in the queue forming at the scudders bridge ...low real-estate taxes, most top-excellent schools, 3% state tax with the same climate and accessibly to NYC/PA/DC as NJ. You're are dreams can come true in PA.
We now live about 20 miles north of Charlotte. We grew up on the Jersey shore (Brick & Wall). We got out of NJ as fast as we could after our first child was born. I took a 10% pay cut to relocate in my then current job. Believe me, the savings in the cost of living was way more than enough to cover that 10%!
Plus, we changed our lifestyle so my DW could be a stay at home mom until both kids were school. Then she worked PT while the kids were at school. She put them on and took them off the school bus.
As far as the quality of life, we've been very happy. We initially moved to Virginia, relocated for work to Maryland, and then relocated again for work to Charlotte. We found it very easy to fit in at each of these places. The kids did great fitting in at each place we went as well. Plus we had the treat of discovering new places to check out in each area.
An added bonus for us is that both of our immediate families also relocated to the South as well. So we're always within a day trip of seeing anyone in our families.
Looking back, we both enjoyed growing up in NJ. We do miss our closest friends there and the Pt Pleasant Boardwalk! BUT, those are the only two negatives we found. There is nothing else about NJ that makes us regret our move.
Joe makes a good point to first figure out what you want, then look for places that offer it!
As for 'further out in NJ,' my observation is that people who do this accomplish little more than increasing their commutes. Many people who live as far away as NEPA or ABE haven't really 'moved away' from NJ. They still come back for the same jobs, the same social circles, the same doctors, dentists, and other professionals, etc. They've merely converted housing expenses into transportation costs.
It is a good move if you can work out that way. I like the ABE area. but people who do the monster commutes are nuts.
Last edited by GiantRutgersfan; 12-09-2013 at 08:11 PM..
For some reason, I have been thinking about your post for the past week or so and decided to come back here to answer it.
It's not easy being green, is it? By that I mean--it's not easy to think a bit differently than everyone around you which I sense is the case. I think in this case, your instincts are telling you something about the feasibility of a better life somewhere else---which is exactly the kind of thinking that drives immigration all over the world. In other words, I believe your question is a valid one and there is nothing wrong with exploring the idea you may be happy elsewhere.
To answer your question in a brief manner--I have lived out of state and I believe fervently that NJ is one of the most difficult places to live in in the US. I love it; it's home and my reasons are personal. However, I have often thought if I ever found myself in different circumstances, we'd leave. What makes a person happy is a very personal question but I do think the economics here play a greater role in answering that question. Sad but true. Were it not for the expense--and for the fact I know how much cheaper you can live elsewhere--I would say this is an excellent place to live. I rate it down somewhat because of the cost--and today, because of the cold! :-)
Generally speaking, here are some of the good things about NJ: 1. Proximity to one of the greatest cities in the worlds 2. Cultural diversity 3. The Northeast--and our area in general--are on of the few cultural centers in our country. 4. Beaches, mountains, cities--all drivable 5. Undisputedly--excellent educations. Those are the reasons people live here and pay significant premiums to do so. I believe children raised here are tough and can compete with anyone, anywhere. They are well educated, have a world view and are generally self reliant.
Here are the cons for NJ: 1. $$$$$$$$ 2. $$$$$$$$$ 3. $$$$$$$$$ You get the point. Some other ones--I believe the culture here is a bit harsher than other places. You tend to have much more of a "you're on your own" mentality here- and people will never hesitate to tell you what you are doing wrong! :-) I think too that the proximity to NYC is a bit of a cacth-22 in that it is simply not accessible on a regular basis from many parts of NJ because you are dealing with money and transportation issues every time you go in.
By contrast, there are cities in this country where suburbia is affordable, yet the city is accessible. Where people regularly attend baseball games and are in their beds twenty minutes after leaving the stadium. Where there may be one museum---but you can take the kids there every time the urge strikes you without a lot of planning. Where new homes are affordable and people don't sweat every penny they spend. Where neighbors bring over casseroles and while they may be a bit naive about the big bad city of NYC, they are still decent, and educated and invested in their communities.
I have first hand knowledge of the following cities where these things are true: Charlotte-NC, Atlanta-GA, Orlando-Fla, Portland-OR, Dallas-Tx, Seattle-WA, Minneapolis-MN, Charleston-SC and Colombus-OH. You can absolutely find a better balance of life in these cities with a much lower cost of living. Keep in mind that a lower cost of living also implies smaller economies--and many of these cities are very reliant upon 1-2 industries. Banking in Charlotte, technology in Seattle/Portland--so keep that in mind in terms of jobs and economic security.
Will you miss living here? Yes. Absolutely--this is your first home and there will be a long grieving process for things left behind....bagels, pizza and hoagies were things I missed terribly when I lived away. There is something to be said too about cutting your roots. When people speak of their formative years--where they went to HS or even college-- for example, you will find yourself not having the same frame of reference. That's ok---given enough time, it is amazing how a place can become your own. I believe it can strengthen the family to have to create a new life on your own. It is an investment for sure--but you will come out the other end with the answer to your question....and you may end up feeling pretty good about your decision.
Some practical tips: Research!! Rent before you buy and try to buy in an area known for having "transplants"--nothing bonds people more than being new in a strange city. Some of my best friends were made that way--as we became family for each other. Know that the first year will be tough and you will doubt your decision every single day. You need to mourn the life you left behind--it is amazing what you will miss--the supermarket, the dry cleaner, your doctor. You will lose some things for sure--you may never get a dentist with whom you are on a first name basis, as an example. You will gain others--experiences, foods, friendships, paradigm shifts..... You will grow and so will your kids.
Moving with kids adds a complexity too. You will need to research schools and really look under the hood. Public education is not what it is here in many cities. I know Minneapolis, Seattle have great public schools--Atlanta, Orlando and Charlotte do not so you may have to factor in private education. You will have to make an investment in your new community to ensure your kids are being supported. You will have to get to know the other parents, the school and you will have to wait to get into the "know" as to the right gymnastics program, as an example, or the great place to get a haircut. This is where finding a community of transplants is key as they will be more open to new people.
I would not worry about "red" beliefs in the South, by the way. IF you pick a town with other transplants, you will likely find many former NYers and NJers. Also--I think the closer you are to an urban area, the more progressive you find people to be....so there are neighborhoods that may be blue, surrounded by a sea of red. (Assuming you are looking for liberals vs conservatives and not making a judgement in either case.)
The ocean thing is interesting too--many cities have lakes that substitute for oceans....Seattle and Minneapolis come to mind. Others are just a longer drive to the ocean--Charlotte is three hours away from the SC coast. You will find thought that all cities have their summer rituals and sometimes it is nice to know people are around in the summer. Seattle is a place that converts in the summer as people converge on Lake Washington which is RIGHT in the city, more or less.
Anyway---there is the answer I have to provide and I hope it helps. Turns out it was not that brief an answer once I started writing!
Last edited by CanonGrace; 01-04-2012 at 07:50 AM..
Orlando: Homes for Sale & Real Estate - Zillow so on. This is not a perfect comparison-I did it in five minutes--but this is a rought sketch of what $400K will get you in different parts of the country.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I actually had fun doing my food shopping! It also turned out to be the consignment store capital of the world! There were strips with a dozen of them all next to each other, some really cheap, others swanky and you had to be buzzed in. I think about vacationing in Houston sometimes just to go shopping! The barbeque was the best I've had! The highways were easy for a newby to navigate, because every one of them has this thing called a feeder road running next to it, a 2-lane road with traffic lights that runs the entire length of the highway. I took them for the first month until I got up the courage to get on the highway (they drove just as fast as here, but in big giant pick-ups).
I had to pump my own gas
The food in the supermarkets isn't the same and i missed things I couldn't get there. There was much less of a choice of healthy foods, organic, etc.
There seemed to be a lot more palpable tension between races there. I work in a very diverse environment, and while here I have no problem getting along with anyone, there was definitely more of a hostile vibe between races, which I was surprised and disappointed by, having never lived south of Ocean City before. 
