Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you are being physically abused call the police and have a restraining order filed. There is no place in this society for a spouse to physically abuse the other regardless of gender. It's one thing to have a civil disagreement or argument but to beat on someone is a no no. Sorry to say it but your asking for advice and I think it's time to move on.
Have you ever filed any reports to officially document these cases? Also, how about a restraining order??
It's very big of you to step up, and protect youself and more importantly, your children. Any type of abuse like that is no way for anyone to live like that. All the best to you and those children. Again, I'm hoping you have filed reports as it may prove an easier case on your side in hopes of you getting custody of those kids. And if you haven't ever filed any reports, I hope that you will start. Good luck.
Location: Big Island- Hawaii, AK, WA where the whales are!
1,490 posts, read 4,183,511 times
Reputation: 796
Depends on the state your in - if OR reallllllllllly consult attorney before anyting - had a similar situation in friends and state took kids.....
Attorney and document document document - time place situation keep a journal - away from where can be found.....
documentation is a guys truly only hope in friends of mine cases. Counselor on your part would also prove your trying and the issues - objective documentation helps even more
Location: Big Island- Hawaii, AK, WA where the whales are!
1,490 posts, read 4,183,511 times
Reputation: 796
yes really can't tell you more document- keep ajournal in notebook and this doesn't only go for guys but it is the best thing for guys....
gals got same problem do the same
Perhaps you should post this on the relationship or parenting forum? Great advice here, but there are lots of people on those forums specifically talking about these topics.
If you are being physically abused call the police and have a restraining order filed. There is no place in this society for a spouse to physically abuse the other regardless of gender. It's one thing to have a civil disagreement or argument but to beat on someone is a no no. Sorry to say it but your asking for advice and I think it's time to move on.
Yes, echoing the same situation here of emotional, verbal, physical abuse that eventually got her arrested. When my case was reported to the State of Florida, Hubbard house provided money and emotional support to help get away from her. They told me she sounds exactly like a person with Abusive Personality Disorder. I won a restraining order for 1 year of no contact, I petitioned the court for custody of my minor children.
The court system never gave me a court date to hear my case, I was in the same situation again, hopelessness with her in control of my childrens lives and governing when I was allowed to see my kids in accordance to what was convenient to her. I had paperwork drawn up for visitation rights in an out of court settlement with lawyers. Though with her having custody even with court orders for specific visitation she still did not comply. I would have the police show up and show them the paperwork a few times and alway got the same response. That this was a court matter and I would have to go back to family law court.
I eventually moved back in with her after two years of missing my children and fearing for my eldest son's well being as I've seen noticeable signs of abusive tendencies toward him. Yes I had children and family services come and a caseworker said that if there's no bruises they can't do anything. Never mind that emotional bruises run all the way to the core even though they aren't as visible as external ones.
It took about 3 months for her to begin her cycle of abuse toward me. 9 Months later I know I have to leave this situation again, but where am I going to find myself. Back in the same cycle of her using what I care about the most, my children against me. I'm sure there's more than a handful of men in this situation. But what is our solution, we aren't able to afford lengthy legal battles. We have no real power in our children's lives, we have a lost purpose of wanting to be the fathers we want to be for our children.
Honestly men, there is no real help available for people in our situation. We abused men who are father's to children in this situation need to find a way to work together to make something happen. More equality in Family Law where it is not considered the woman being the fit parent by default. More investigation into real requests by men like us by state and civil organizations and legislature into allegations of domestic abuse.
Did you know children especially boys are more than twice as likely to become violent criminals if they are victims of domestic abuse? Your child is affected by this if your in a home with an abusive spouse even if its not directed directly at them. They absorb and pick up patterns of abusiveness just as they would pick up a nurturing caring tendencies.
If you are married and have no custody paperwork and your in a situation like me you need to take your children and leave. Simple as that, they will never change especially if they are a severe case. Do not let hope stifle you into staying with this woman. I am sorry but in some situations we grasp onto hope because we cannot let ourselves accept the reality of a situation. File for divorce and custody, legally she cannot take the children back. Allow visitation in a supervised manner until your case is heard. If you cannot afford an attorney then you should do research of court procedure and represent yourself, it's not as crazy as it sounds. Speak from your heart and let yourself be truly heard. This is all the help I can give you in this situation.
The longer you stay passive and continue to allow her the ability to abuse and control your life the more you enable her power and ability to abuse you and your children. Do not come back to her no matter how she promises or pleads, you will regret it, like I did. Being abused will only lead to your desensitization and demoralization, we all know the person we really are, most of us are goodhearted people and that's why we've fallen victim to this cycle of abuse.
We need to find a way to let ourselves be truly heard aside from blog postings on the internet. Organizations exist for abused women specifically, why are there none exclusively for men in our situation. This is something all of us in this situation or have been in this situation need to think about. If we worked together our cries for help could finally be heard and justice can rightfully be served.
If she is truly abusive to you and your children and refuses to see that she has a problem there is only one thing for you to do is remove you and the children from that situtation.... Maybe after a separation she will be more clear headed and willing to discuss her problems... but if not then you can only worry about yourself and the kids... She is not thinking about their welfare and as much as you love your wife the kids depend on you to make the best decsion for them...
My heart goes out to you and the kids.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's one thing to have a civil disagreement or argument but to beat on someone is a no no. Sorry to say it but your asking for advice and I think it's time to move on.
The help I recieved and the help we all need.
