Would you consider this beyond boundary?

[camaro69]

Think those moms could use a good ass whipping.

[stevemorse]

Originally Posted by Sunil's Dad

Let me tell you something. Your job is not to care about what that kid's mom thinks, what those other moms think, what your girlfriends think, or what a book says. Your job is to take care of and protect your two year old son. If that kid had spat on my son, there would be hell to pay. And that family had better hope it was me dealing with it, and not my wife. Never feel bad for taking care of your child.

for a medical writer silent type you sure have some guts and courage!!!! I really like you!

[zoebabi76]

I completely agree with the posts of those who said you handled this situation wonderfully. I personally believe that some parents today do nothing to correct their children’s behavior. In this case, not only was spitting at your child an extremely vulgar and unsanitary act, but the "mothers" present were also enabling the child in question to continue to behave in this manner going forward! I would have made the same choice you made in first asking the boy to stop and then I would have immediately brought it to the parent’s attention for instant correction. If confronted with the accusation of critisizing the child who spit, I would have clarified that it is not the child I am critisizing but the behavior. Furthermore (and not to escalate the situation) I would have also mentioned that the parenting skills of the adults merit some scrutiny. Your child has the right to play in a safe and non-hostile environment. How dare they inflict their misguided opinion on you!

[JerseyG]

Originally Posted by Sunil's Dad

Let me tell you something. Your job is not to care about what that kid's mom thinks, what those other moms think, what your girlfriends think, or what a book says. Your job is to take care of and protect your two year old son. If that kid had spat on my son, there would be hell to pay. And that family had better hope it was me dealing with it, and not my wife. Never feel bad for taking care of your child.

Oh....you've got that right!

Holy cow and a half...we AGREE on something!

[doc1]

You did the right thing. We could use more parents who would do what you did.

As far as the advice to grab and detain another child for rude behavior, bad idea in this day and age.

Physical force should only occur when real physical harm seems emminent.

[pathfinda94]

Hmmmm well I guess it's better for me to reserve all comments because the actions dipicted in this case has got me boiling. By the way bluemask you did very well. Keep it up and welcome to AMERICA!

[elflord1973]

Originally Posted by bluemask

As a mom with foreign background learning how to raise kids in this country, I recently have encountered a situation that confused me so bad that I need to seek opinions here.

A few days ago, I took my 2 year old to a playground. There was this boy, about 4 or 5, who was first rude to my son and them spit on him a few times. My son was scared and didn't know what to do. When I saw that, I went to the boy and said: Stop that please. You're rude. Please say sorry to him.

The boy didn't respond and run away. A few minutes later, he went back and spit on my son again. I couldn't not find who his parent was, then I said: You have to behave well, otherwise I will tell your mom.

All of a sudden, a small group of moms came to me and one of them asked why I critisize this boy. I explained what happened and this woman said: "You don't have the right to critisize other people's kid, only his mom does".

Later my other girl friend told me that I went a little beyond boundary. She said from the parenting BOOK she read, I can only tell my son to stay away from unfriendly kids, but not tell other kids to stop bullying my son. Since she referred to a BOOK, I am concerned that I did actually cross the line.

However, if this is true, what should I do in this situation? Just take my 2 year old away and say nothing?

No.

Your friend probably misunderstood the book. The other parents are wrong, because they do not properly understand parental responsibility. That explains why they are defending bullying.

The issue is potentially confusing, because the 5 year old is generally not considered old enough to be held fully responsible for his behavior. Therefore, they might think, you cannot punish the child for stepping on your toes.

This is wrongheaded on a number of fronts. First, your responsibility is to take care of your child. You did not punish the other child, but fulfilled your responsibility to protect your child. It appears that the other child's parent was AWOL -- their child was not properly supervised, perhaps not properly schooled in how to behave, and their child could have suffered as a result (e.g. what if your child was also unsupervised, and was accompanied by a 7 year old sibling who took it upon themselves to handle it like a 7 year old)

Secondly, according to your detractors, it is presumably not the other child, but the other child's parent who has a legitimate grievance against you. But implicit in this is the (reasonable) notion that the child is not responsible for their actions, therefore the parent is ultimately responsible for them.

Therefore, the other parent, by failing to supervise the other child and/or raise the other child to behave better, resulting in this bullyingd, overstepped boundaries before you did. Your response was not an incursion over someone else's boundaries, but rather, a pushing-back against an intrusion into yours.

[nutleynut]

Bill Keegan
Placing your hand on the boys shoulder to hold him still and calling out for his mother or gaurdian can hardly be considered "putting your hands on a child" which is a euphamism meant to describe abusive touch. Following the child could be described as inappropriate and easily misunderstood especially in a crowd who don't necessarily know what you are doing and it would require leaving your own charges unsupervised.
Part of the problem here is a lack in the supervision department which getting the gaurdian to come to you would start to fix. Second calling the police is perfectly correct as they would prefer to get involved early and put a stop to the neglectful rearing that leads to juvenile and adult offenders. The patrol officers in the neighborhood could take an interest in the boy and guide instead of having to arrest him in future and the department could arrange for the parent to be educated about proper supervision and child rearing. Raising children isn't something anyone can do, that's pregnanacy.

Spitting is a very serious issue, it can transmit disease, and is very harmful to a child psychologically especially with the age difference here. That the child did it, is also a serious issue because having the lack of conscience or social training to be able to spit on someone at that age is a sign something is very wrong. I expect he learned to do it either by example, through hearing ignorant speech, or as I have mentioned by being told to do so.
I grew up around "adults" like these women and from my perspective and experience they have the maturity of a very insecure teenager. Which allows for the neglectful and stupid actions of these women and would allow them to speak and act in such a way that the child grew to think such behavior was OK.