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We live in Santa Fe county, but all our business is done in Torrance or Bernalillio. Anyway, perhaps a larger cross section will respond here.
My family and I have become aware of a rather puzzling occurrance(sp). Let me preface this by saying that my husband and I have always had friends older than we are. Only two couples near our age (within five years or so, either way) have we ever became close to. Obviously we haven't been living in a cave either, so we've been around many people of all ages.
Here it just seems that people our age and younger just seem rude as hell. Noone holds doors, says 'thank you', smiles, seems interested in anything other than themselves... nothin'. Our oldest noticed it most recently at, of all places, the Abq library system- both the main and Tijeras branch. She'd approach an aisle and have to pass someone and say "Excuse me" and if she recieved any response it was a grunt. Today at high school, she had to pass through a crowded doorway. She said "Excuse me." One girl retorted "Why? Did you fart?"
So, um, what should one say when you pass in a narrow area? And am I alone in my observations?
The older people (not necessarily OLD people, but I mean people older than mid thirties) are a delight. Everyone smiles, seems genuinely interested and carries on a coherent conversation and welcomes us to the state. (Just ask a few forum members here- talk to me and you KNOW i'm not from around here. The employees where Greg works actually make fun of him, in a funny way. They'll latch onto something he says and ask him to repeat and then several of them go around using whatever word it was with a southern accent. He tells them if you think i'm funny- talk to my wife!)
I am sorry you have run into rude people. When I first moved here in 92 I was overwhelmed by how friendly people were, but I moved from Boston, probably the rudest city in America. You moved from the South, so your mileage is definitely going to vary.
My husband knows people who live on base that drive out to the Edgewood WalMart b/c it is cleaner and the people are nicer. I ran into the WM on Eubank and I40 one day to pick 2 things up and the shoppers were all grumpy and rude (a few were glaring at me for some unknown reason). I am sticking to the Edgewood one now.
I really want to say these are isolated incidents you are experiencing, and I do believe you that it happened, but I think over time the friendly people will outweigh the unfriendly people. I usually have no problems at the Tijeras library, but I spend most of my time in the kids area and then my kids usually hit the automatic door button so door holding or no door holding does not happen.
But I am in my late 30s so maybe I am around the OLD (lol) people like me....
Maybe its Moriarty (ducking)? The Edgewoodians like to make a distinction between the two towns b/c they are so different.
Edgewoodians? Lol. I like that.
I dunno. We're in our mid-late thirties too and it seems like our age group is among the most afflicted, so to speak. I haven't run across too many people our age or younger in Moriarty (and i'm not counting people in service industries, because they have to be nice or pretend to, to keep their jobs)- lots of older and old people and they're SO sweet and nice. I truly love living here, but I wonder if some age groups were standin' behind the door when manners were handed out. Either that or they haven't learned to just RELAX already and take time to be nice to a stranger.
Maybe with the influx of newcomers that has been happening in the last 30-40 years, the younger folks feel threatened by anyone who is a little different. If anything about someone with a new face is different as far as accent or apparel is concerned, they pick up on it real fast. Granted, newcomers can be brash and arrogant and maybe too aware of their greater wealth. And those who display such flaws ruin it for others who just want to fit in rather than take over.
I've lived in several states where there is no chance of an outsider ever fitting in. Unfortunately, my children suffered too. Even school teachers are guilty of treating "outsider" children differently. While in the military, my military children were looked on as just passing through and not worth the time of day. Myself and family aren't outwardly of a minority group. But, after spending most of my adult life on the East Coast, I've learned to not go out of my way to tell anyone that I'm from Texas. A person who is a member of a minority race would laugh at me for saying I know how it feels to be discriminated against. The worst discrimination I've ever felt was while I lived down on the Mexican border near Brownsville, Texas. I have felt it many times here in Florida from people who came here recently from other countries. I've never written this before, but the many Cubans that I've known are the worst at treating non-cubans badly. Even the ones who know you well will hurt your feelings rather than let another Cuban see them treating you decently. It genuinely hurts deeply when people assume that you are not worthy of their friendship. Any moron can hurt another person's feelings.
My feeling is that anyone who treats you badly for no reason, other than their lack of having an open mind, are demonstrating to you that you are in fact superior to them. They are their own worst enemy and are not worth worrying about for a minute. Spend your time and efforts strengthening those friendships that you can instead.
It's actually an educational thing that plays out over age groups because of
deteriorating school systems. Older people *generally* went to less contentious,
better organized schools than exist today and, even if they did not go on to
advanced studies, received a better grounding and that shows.
Generally I find that the more reasonably educated someone is, the more likely
they are to also have acceptable social skills.
I don't know what the difference is, but here in Alamogordo (southern part) I find that men who appear to be in their 20's (and even the occasional high school kid) will hold doors for me at the back door of the post office and such. People usually smile, nod and are generally friendly.
We found a true mixture when we lived just south of Albuquerque. I too wa a little surprised at the lack of manners and maybe you have hit on something, the younger generation isn't being taught respect like we were and we taught our kids or that is how it seems. I could be totally wrong.
Another thing to rememver, you have just moved from the South. I think everyone in the south have more manners than anyplace in the country. I was in a state of shock when we moved here. I hadn't seen so many polite kids since I was a youngster myself.
The majority of people that I've come across in this area (Timberon, Alamogordo and Ruidoso) have been mostly friendly.
In fact, I think it's funny every single time I go to Walmart, someone comes up to me (mostly older) and starts talking to me about the food or just general conversation, asks me if I can reach something for them, etc. It happens all the time.
If I were you Rose, I would be friends with the ones that are worth it and for the unfriendly rude ones, mark them off your list until they grow up and be on your level.
I've found people to be quite friendly compared to the good old Northeast area.
Howver, there are exceptions. We went to the Zoo on Thursday and I never, ever saw so many unruly, ill mannered little monster children. I told my daughter that the wrong animals were in the cages.
One little redheaded brat stood right next to the food machine by the duck pond and actually tried to steal food people were getting for the ducks. She tried it with me and I got in her face and told her to go get her own money and that she was nothing but a little brat. Parents were no where to be seen.
Then, while watching the polar bears, some kid around 8 yrs old, ran up and shoved my daughter right out of the way.
At that point we decided we had put up with enough crap from ill mannered brats and left.
Other than that, I don't think I've run into any real rude people. But there is always a first, bless their hearts.
I think it's true that education plays a major part in how younger people develop. Not only formal education, but parental education as well.
I sat here trying to think of something positive to say about our education system, but I could not. Children see discrimination being practiced all around them. Teachers, a term used to describe anyone who has an employer who calls them that and not necessarily someone who tries to raise the intelligence of anyone, practice the art of suttle discrimination. Children of the rich are given preferential treatment in the classroom. Who gets to participate in extra-curricular programs is often controlled by who has the money to be involved. Those involved in sports programs are given special treatment and assistance to cover up the fact that they forgot to pay attention in class for years. Poor children are beaten for an infraction, while the rich kids suffer a phone call to their parents. Children, rich or poor, pick up on these things. And, it doesn't help that the rich parents go out of their way to educate their kids through snide comments made about others. Instead of telling their children to treat everyone the same, they're more likely to say " Just because someone is black, doesn't mean they're stupid." They know what they're doing. Discrimination is still alive and well, it's just better hidden.
Discrimination is treated as a joke by the media. Look at the now-famous Geico commercials. The other day, there was a commercial that was supposed to be demonstrating how an organization is fostering a program to prevent discrimination. Unfortunately, this organization, which may or may not be doing as they claim, approved a commercial that clearly gave the impression that they taught a little well-dressed blond girl how to be nice to her poor wretched classmates of another skin color.
There is a basic flaw in human beings that compels them to satisfy a desire to be better than others. It somehow makes people feel good about themselves. Maybe this is one of the last vestiges of the traits that had to be disposed of for man to become truly civilized.
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