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I'm a black male (with some mixed ancestry) in a close relationship with a beautiful Guyanese woman of mostly East Indian descent, and we receive so many stares whenever we're out together that you'd think we're an A-list celebrity couple walking around.
The stares range from shock and disbelief to rude disapproval. Considering this is NYC where many like to portray it as more tolerant and open-minded than other parts of the country, why then do we encounter so many people having such strong reactions to our relationship?
Riding the subway with her is always a brutal test of composure. On some days, it seems half of the people on the subway car are looking at us - and they make it known (we usually commute from Queens, where the stares are even more intense). It's gotten so bad that sometimes we take the LIRR just to avoid the negativity that we face on the subway.
I'm originally from upstate NY, and always held the belief that New York City would not terribly frown upon interracial dating due to its racial/ethnic diversity. My premise was also based on what others used to tell me about the city before I moved here.
However, my experience being with the woman I love while in this city directly contradicts my previously held assumption about it. Ironically, when I brought my girl back upstate to meet my parents, we never received rude stares or shocking looks from people - when I thought the reverse would be true.
Can someone shed some light on why we so often experience the stares and rude looks here? I don't want to name what groups give us the most stares, but it's not even Indians whom we both feared would give us the most grief!
Get used to it, I've been putting up with insults for 50 years. Don't be shocked when the waitress forgets you for extended periods or the families who stop talking and stare at you while you are eating. Being in New York city it won't be as bad as if you leave the city. Good Luck
When you're in Queens, which type of people stare?
Guyanese Indians do not like Black people in general. They downright hate black Guyanese. There's always been a lot of racial tension in Guyanaa between the two groups. Same goes for Guyanese blacks not liking Guyanese Indians.
People may also stare because your girl is good looking?
It's rude to stare in Western cultures but in others it is not. Their staring is like Western glancing.
Eh, it's going to happen. Just ignore them. I'm black (1st gen, parents are Ghanaian) and the man I'm dating is white. When we're out together, we do get stares, loud + rude comments or questions. NYC might be an open-minded place, but some people are still backwards and it's not your job to set them straight. Just enjoy your own relationship and eff them! There are plenty of interracial couples in the city, you aren't the only ones.
My ex and I were an interracial couple and we would get stares also. What was worse were some of the comments you would hear. Ridiculous!
My daughter (from my ex) is biracial. I've had people ask if I adopted her or where I got her from or (even worse) "she doesn't look anything like YOU".
There are ignorant people out there. Just ignore them.
You'll have to get used to it. I'm African-American and dating a guy who is White/Jewish mixed. We get stares and some compliments all. You get used to it and just shrug it off.
Some people will look because they're jealous/think one or both of you are cute. Some people are new to this country and don't get that it's normal to date anyone you want, especially in this city. Some are just racist, and you'll have to ignore them; they're just drowning themselves in negativity anyway.
Another perspective--my sister (white) and her black husband have been together more than 30 years. She has seen a big reduction over the years in the number of stares they get when they are out and about. At one time, they were often the only interracial couple in the mall and EVERYONE would look at them. Now she says that hardly anyone gives them a second glance because interracial couples are so common.
But after reading this thread, maybe they've just stopped noticing!
I'm Black and my wife is White/Italian and we rarely get stares. Once in a while someone would look but it's rare. The most stares we've received were from Black girls/women.
I think there are two reasons why you're getting stares:
1. Black-Indian couples are extremely rare. Interracial dating amongst most Indians is rare in general. A lot of people are most likely gawking at the rarity of the couple.
2. The F train from Queens is heavily immigrant and immigrants aren't very "PC". Many will look and will try to make you feel uncomfortable. No doubt that many are plain disgusted too.
I'd guess that most of the looks are from Immigrant Indians and African-Americans correct?
Have thick skin, ignore it. If not, it'll continue to create unnecessary stress or even threaten your relationship.
PS. I know for a fact that a many Indian females "dig' Black guys but their culture is so strongly anti-miscegnation(esp with Blacks), they'd never act on it. My cousin dated an Indian girl for years and her Indian guy friend had to put on an act that he was actually her boyfriend and would always sneak her to my cousin's house. Her parents never found out.
I'm Black and my wife is White/Italian and we rarely get stares. Once in a while someone would look but it's rare. The most stares we've received were from Black girls/women.
I think there are two reasons why you're getting stares:
1. Black-Indian couples are extremely rare. Interracial dating amongst most Indians is rare in general. A lot of people are most likely gawking at the rarity of the couple.
2. The F train from Queens is heavily immigrant and immigrants aren't very "PC". Many will look and will try to make you feel uncomfortable. No doubt that many are plain disgusted too.
I'd guess that most of the looks are from Immigrant Indians and African-Americans correct?
Have thick skin, ignore it. If not, it'll continue to create unnecessary stress or even threaten your relationship.
PS. I know for a fact that a many Indian females "dig' Black guys but their culture is so strongly anti-miscegnation(esp with Blacks), they'd never act on it. My cousin dated an Indian girl for years and her Indian guy friend had to put on an act that he was actually her boyfriend and would always sneak her to my cousin's house. Her parents never found out.
This is true. I have an Indian coworker who has been with a Latino man for over 15 years. They own a home together, etc. Her relatives are so rude about it that at a recent wedding, a couple of her aunts pulled her aside and whispered "We can find you a nice Indian man."
When you're in Queens, which type of people stare?
Guyanese Indians do not like Black people in general. They downright hate black Guyanese. There's always been a lot of racial tension in Guyanaa between the two groups. Same goes for Guyanese blacks not liking Guyanese Indians.
People may also stare because your girl is good looking?
It's rude to stare in Western cultures but in others it is not. Their staring is like Western glancing.
Times have changed, guyanese mingle much more now than ever before. I know many folks who have intermarried between guyanese black and indian. To the OP, I know exactly what you been thru. I used to date a black chick in this city, and I felt a lot of uncomfortable stares. I would ignore it as much as I could, but I know the "celebrity" feeling you are talking about. I felt the same way. Hard to imagne being in NYC but after living in Binghamton, NY I realized racism was alive and kicking in NYC compared to Upstate NY espeically after 9/11. I guess alot of folks may be jealous. Many folks I know want to date Indian chicks (East & West) but find it difficult to engage. So, they're probably upset. It be great to know what type of folks are giving you the most stares.
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