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I'm a black male (with some mixed ancestry) in a close relationship with a beautiful Guyanese woman of mostly East Indian descent, and we receive so many stares whenever we're out together that you'd think we're an A-list celebrity couple walking around.
The stares range from shock and disbelief to rude disapproval. Considering this is NYC where many like to portray it as more tolerant and open-minded than other parts of the country, why then do we encounter so many people having such strong reactions to our relationship?
Riding the subway with her is always a brutal test of composure. On some days, it seems half of the people on the subway car are looking at us - and they make it known (we usually commute from Queens, where the stares are even more intense). It's gotten so bad that sometimes we take the LIRR just to avoid the negativity that we face on the subway.
I'm originally from upstate NY, and always held the belief that New York City would not terribly frown upon interracial dating due to its racial/ethnic diversity. My premise was also based on what others used to tell me about the city before I moved here.
However, my experience being with the woman I love while in this city directly contradicts my previously held assumption about it. Ironically, when I brought my girl back upstate to meet my parents, we never received rude stares or shocking looks from people - when I thought the reverse would be true.
Can someone shed some light on why we so often experience the stares and rude looks here? I don't want to name what groups give us the most stares, but it's not even Indians whom we both feared would give us the most grief!
Last edited by serenelypanicked; 08-07-2011 at 12:25 AM..
Is it a few people giving you stares while most people are not or is it most people giving you stares while some people are not?
If its the former, then its just you guys focusing on the few that stare and ignoring the masses that do not. If, however, its the latter, then yes, you guys have bad luck in the city.
It's hard for me to imagine the latter being the case, given the diversity and relatively high number of mixed couples/marriages there. Having said that, the world can be a strange and contradicting place at times, so anything's possible.
Do you notice this happening everywhere or only (mostly) in certain parts of the city?
I know that despite all the hoopla of NYC's diversity, it is quite a segregated city with very obvious ethnic enclaves, as oppose to a more mixed milieu.
To answer your question, it's hard to classify what would count as a few. Sometimes, it's two or three people. Other times, it could be 6 or 7 people at once. I also notice we encounter more negative looks in Queens than in Manhattan.
Reflecting on this question more, I think that the number could be considered a few, but it's certainly a consistent few.
In any event, we are both learning to cope with it as perplexing as this ongoing experience has been. I've been in other relationships before in this city, and never endured anything remotely like my present one.
Our commute is usually from Richmond Hill, Queens to Manhattan on the E/F line. We get looks whenever we are out in public, but it's far worse when we take the subway for the whole commute.
Jamaica to Jackson Heights is when we get the most stares.
Lmao I know exactly what you're talking about,
One of my best friends is Korean and people assume I'm White and that we are a couple. We get stares from pple all the time, both in the city & queens and from all races. I even once had a white guy smirk and word out "why" and gesture with his hands.
Lots of people who take the E/F trains from Jamaica to Jackson heights are from immigrant backgrounds and those pple just stare in general.
[quote=serenelypanicked;20350133]The stares range from shock and disbelief to rude disapproval. Considering this is NYC where many like to portray it as more tolerant and open-minded than other parts of the country,[quote]
Not really. There's a lot of discreet racist in this city and across the globe. It's not politically correct to be an open racist so it's done on the downlow.
I'm a black male (with some mixed ancestry) in a close relationship with a beautiful Guyanese woman of mostly East Indian descent, and we receive so many stares whenever we're out together that you'd think we're an A-list celebrity couple walking around.
The stares range from shock and disbelief to rude disapproval. Considering this is NYC where many like to portray it as more tolerant and open-minded than other parts of the country, why then do we encounter so many people having such strong reactions to our relationship?
Riding the subway with her is always a brutal test of composure. On some days, it seems half of the people on the subway car are looking at us - and they make it known (we usually commute from Queens, where the stares are even more intense). It's gotten so bad that sometimes we take the LIRR just to avoid the negativity that we face on the subway.
I'm originally from upstate NY, and always held the belief that New York City would not terribly frown upon interracial dating due to its racial/ethnic diversity. My premise was also based on what others used to tell me about the city before I moved here.
However, my experience being with the woman I love while in this city directly contradicts my previously held assumption about it. Ironically, when I brought my girl back upstate to meet my parents, we never received rude stares or shocking looks from people - when I thought the reverse would be true.
Can someone shed some light on why we so often experience the stares and rude looks here? I don't want to name what groups give us the most stares, but it's not even Indians whom we both feared would give us the most grief!
It may be because they think you're a very cute couple because no offense but a lot of people couldn't even tell the difference between East Indians and African Americans, especially when they have a lot of mixed ancestry. I'm aware of some of the differences like hair texture and some facial features but those aren't that noticeable at first glance and nowadays people use products to change around their hair texture all the time.
I mean, i'm not doubting that you are getting stares because of your IR relationship, but I guess this would at least be something to consider.
Last edited by LongIslandPerson; 08-07-2011 at 04:51 AM..
You should let us know which groups you find giving the rudest looks. I've noticed a rivalry between many nationalities that is downright discriminatory at times. Some members of a particular nationality are so "proud" they can't stand the though of one of their own being in a relationship with someone who is an "outsider" or part of a rival nationalities--even though they may be of a similar or identical race to those observing from the street.
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