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I married a girl who is a lifelong southern girl almost in the same split as me. Her mom and that side is all from Belton, SC & Franklin, NC.
Talk about a clash of cultures... My husband grew up in Franklin NC and I grew up in Brooklyn. I grew up riding the subways and he grew up riding a horse. We live in the Atlanta area now, but that is "fixin" to change.
Once a year I go back home to NY (I consider Westchester home, I haven't been back to Bklyn in decades) and I get a fix on museums, Italian food, bagels, and friends. Then I go back down south. I love Ny, particularly Westchester and the Adirondacks, but I can't afford it anymore. I've been gone too long.
There is a lot about the south that I like, and we will probably wind up in NC for our semi-retirement, but one thing I have noticed over and over in the 14 years I've been down here is that southern hospitality is nothing more than good manners and pretending that you like the person you are addressing. Northerners take a hit for being "rude" but we are not. We simply don't pretend we like everybody we meet if we don't. But at least you will know where you stand with a Northerner!
I have a number of good friends up north ( and I don't use the term loosely) and I have a lot of friendly acquaintances in the south. I guess it all comes down to what you grew up with... I would rather that if someone doesn't like me they either avoid me, or they tell me what the problem is. My husband says that down here people expect you to smile and pretend to be a friend, and then they talk about you when you leave (bless your heart!) So, depending on where you grew up you would have a different definition of who is rude!
well thats something we grow up with down here, "if you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all". thats just how it is here. and i'm sorry, but not everyone down here goes behind you back and says "bless your heart", everyone needs to get that out of they're head. i get so tired of hearing, "they're nice to your face, but talk behind your back". how do you even know? i truly think alot of people that move down here have that thought set in they're mind and dont take the time to get another opinion. have you met everyone in nc? i highly doubt it. and i'm sorry if nc doesnt have the stuff you had back in new york, or new jersey, but if its that big of a deal, like someone has said before, I95 goes north aswell.
Note: the above arrogant and ridiculous comment was made by someone from SAN FRANCISCO....apparently they aren't very "enlightened" in geography. He/she definitley does NOT speak for "the north"
Buckfush, I have to disagree with you. I think that the south has a lot going for it. I don't think that the people are any less intelligent or moral... they just have different ways and customs than northerners do. I think it is dangerous and imprudent to lump all of any people into one category. I've known plenty of people in NY that I would consider rednecks. The south doesn't have a lock on that! Frankly, I've been in GA for 14 years and I haven't met one person who supports slavery.
And, BTW, wsncfay, pardon me if I sounded like I was lumping all southerners into that dreaded "Bless your heart" Category. I am doing exactly what I just took buckfish to task for. I know all southerners don't do that. There are many that are truly hospitable. But there are just as many that have a huge chip on their shoulder as soon as they discover you are a northerner. Just as you correctly pointed out, we shouldn't go there expecting that the politeness is false from everyone, and they shouldn't expect that just because we are from the north we are modern-day carpetbaggers.
Talk about a clash of cultures... My husband grew up in Franklin NC and I grew up in Brooklyn. I grew up riding the subways and he grew up riding a horse. We live in the Atlanta area now, but that is "fixin" to change.
Once a year I go back home to NY (I consider Westchester home, I haven't been back to Bklyn in decades) and I get a fix on museums, Italian food, bagels, and friends. Then I go back down south. I love Ny, particularly Westchester and the Adirondacks, but I can't afford it anymore. I've been gone too long.
There is a lot about the south that I like, and we will probably wind up in NC for our semi-retirement, but one thing I have noticed over and over in the 14 years I've been down here is that southern hospitality is nothing more than good manners and pretending that you like the person you are addressing. Northerners take a hit for being "rude" but we are not. We simply don't pretend we like everybody we meet if we don't. But at least you will know where you stand with a Northerner!
I have a number of good friends up north ( and I don't use the term loosely) and I have a lot of friendly acquaintances in the south. I guess it all comes down to what you grew up with... I would rather that if someone doesn't like me they either avoid me, or they tell me what the problem is. My husband says that down here people expect you to smile and pretend to be a friend, and then they talk about you when you leave (bless your heart!) So, depending on where you grew up you would have a different definition of who is rude!
Yes, I like how you described the differences between the North and South. I have many friends in the South, but my real friends are still up North.
The South and MidWest are no place for a New Yorker unless you are moving to Austin. My husband and I are moving back to NY in November, because it's just not right for us. I don't dislike small towns or anything, but you live and learn and I've learned that small rural towns or anything south of Virginia (with the exception of Florida and possibly Charlotte) and in the middle of Vegas and West Virginia (with the exception of Austin and possibly San Antonio) is never going to be an option for us again...
Though I consider my true friends to be still up North, I love and respect the friends I have in the South as well. I think it is hard to compare people who knew you from childhood to people who have only known you for a couple of years.
I think, what is happening in the US now is a good thing. I know there are people who feel like their areas are being ruined and they don't like the change. However, by New Yorkers moving to other states you have an opportunity to see that as a country we are in trouble. Crime is everywhere and the education system (public) in all 50 states is not as compettive as it should be.
Okay, while living in New York, I always had something interesting to do, I saw my family and friends all the time, and I had the latest clothes (always). But, living outside of NY, I can afford a home with one income, I can go places without millions of people going to the same place, and I can visit New York whenever I want.
I think to leave NY, you have to ask yourself some serious questions:
1. Why do I want to leave?
2. What will this relocation accomplish?
3. Am I willing to meet new people?
4. Am I willing accept new people?
5. How will I feel living a good distance from my family?
6. What type of life do I want?
We cannot move forward as a nation, if we continue to live and think with the old plan.
There is something Northerner's can learn from Southerner's and vice versa. I'll tell you what, with all the immigrants in the US (legally/illegally), they have taught us that we need to step up our game by working harder and together.
Note: the above arrogant and ridiculous comment was made by someone from SAN FRANCISCO....apparently they aren't very "enlightened" in geography. He/she definitley does NOT speak for "the north"
LOL, I'm not attempting to speak "for the north", just as one northerner and where I am currently residing is of no consequence.
LOL, I'm not attempting to speak "for the north", just as one northerner and where I am currently residing is of no consequence.
My points about the south still stand.
Dude, the Civil War is over and most people in the county got the news, including those who live in the South. Anyone who supported slavery is dead.
I came from Long Island. If you want to see the racist behavior of some who live in one of the most segragated areas in country, go to Newsday.com and read the comments on any story. Most threads can't go 5 comments without turning it into a race bashing thread.
The only one weighing down the country is you and people who think like you.
.... and i'm sorry, but not everyone down here goes behind you back and says "bless your heart", everyone needs to get that out of they're head. i get so tired of hearing, "they're nice to your face, but talk behind your back". how do you even know? i truly think alot of people that move down here have that thought set in they're mind and dont take the time to get another opinion. ....
.
How do we know you talk trash behind our back???? See, you are assuming we are all dumb. You are overheard and others report back on things you all say.
I will blow my cover here. Well, just a little. I told you I have alot of Southern roots and most people there couldnt really tell I had Northern roots as well unless I told them so. Which I did very little of. When in the South I blended right in. I was for a number of years in senior leadership in the "League of the South". A group that was gaining great speed early on for their fight for States Rights. Mostly trying to decentralize the Federal Govt. in favor of letting States decide on all matters not pertaining to National security and interstate commerce. And to advance the cultural respect for Southern states and citizens by all honorable means. On the surface and to the press they were fairly clean. Then entire Senior leadership was run by White collar professors, Lawyers, entrepeneures etc... Mid level was still all white collar. Lower level included alot of SCV members of which were mostly blue collar but avidly involved in community matters. This group was as good a cross section of the south as any group in modern history. We had booths set up at fairs, festivals, gave interviews on radio, held conferences etc... When among ourselves, there was ALOT of damnyankee jokes, hate filled rhetoric etc.. When someone with a heavy Brooklyn accent spoke to us in a kind way, he would be trashed behind his back for no good reason. He was the enemy, it was said. It was said the kind "yankees" were the worst because there was no good reason to hate them and they were going to prove us all wrong that they are jerks and continue taking over. It was also said there is one thing that is even worse than a N**** and that was a damnyankee. Honestly, it didnt matter how nice they were, we trashed them equally. This group also obsesses about the "war" and were all heavily involved in reenactments and took the group on tours of alot of graveyards of the war dead and cursed the Yankees at each stone. Visited different historical Plantations and again cursed the Yankees. Add to all that the fact that I was involved in very conservative Baptist churches of which were all "locals" and when the preacher knew there were no "northern" visitors, he would even slide in a few "N"-Jokes and "yankee" jokes. I have always been just as proud of my Southern roots as my Northern roots but became very emotionally drained and did ALOT of soul searching during my last several years in the South. As a blended in Southerner and aside from my involvement with this group I heard a never-ending onslaught of hate toward Yankees. A few of my friends who did know I also lived in the North for a time would ride and heckle me to death about it. Me and most of my family were born there for crying out loud, but that wasnt good enough. I could never live it down with them. Thats why I never mentioned much about my time up here. they knew they could get away with it because they could. I just laughed along with it. Until "ONE DAY", along with other reasons I decided to pack it in and come North for good. I still love the south and you are right, not EVERYONE is that way down there, but DARN WELL MOST OF THEM. I was so steeped in all things Southern and did an enormous amount of traveling among many different Southern circles, I believe I can speak with at least some authority. I've listened to the upper class, lower class and everyone in between trashing the North, and it just never ended. And it was almost ALWAYS behind their backs. And you are probably a LIAR if you say you have never done it. I have done my share and I am ashamed of myslef.
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