Why do people kick you when you're down? (children, holidays, sociopath)

[furrypro]

I've heard others explain this problem in that it is way easier to destroy than to create. So these abusive types of people who have a long history of abuse and destruction are far lazier and incompetent in relationships with others in comparison to competent and healthy minded people. Abusers take the lazy and easy way out (destroy). To create and develop actually takes talent and work; however, the work is extremely rewarding to healthy people who enjoy relationships. I believe that abusive people do not like relationships; they hate intimacy, feelings, logic, intuition, honest two-way discussions, love, care, etc. They like arguing, yelling, griping, complaining, criticizing, ignoring, and doing other tactics to undermine, ruin, or stifle relationships. Another theory is that in a healthy relationship the both of you develop and get stronger. A selfish, lazy, boorish, and incompetent person doesn't want you to be healthy, strong, and smarter (because that goes against the childish rules of competition); they want only good for themselves not realizing that boorishness and persistent selfishness are the equivalent to falling on your own sword.

Originally Posted by mikeyking

We also have a Blame the Victim mentality -If something bad happens you then its your fault, and your fault alone.

Was there not that book the Secret, which said that people attracted bad things into their lives by thinking negative.

I think its best to accept the reality of modern life, its very competitive, and to some degree don't want you to be successful

[Urban Sasquatch]

Because if they're the kind of person to kick you at all, and they kicked you while you were UP, you might very well kick back -- and the folks who dole out that kind of punishment DON'T like getting even the smallest dose of their own medicine.

[veuvegirl]

I think when we are down anything someone says to us can make us feel like we are being kicked.

[statisticsnerd]

I've noticed this recently with the endless bashing of the unemployed, as if there has been this huge rash of lazy, good for nothing people over the past four years. Notice that the most high and mighty are those who live very comfortably.

If people see that you are hurting, they do everything in their power to put you down and make you feel like dirt.

Why? I think it is because the ones doing it are self righteous, miserable people who have a mean streak. That's all I can figure.

[mikeyking]

There is a competitive "desperate to see you fail mindset out there" everywhere - where people who are even friendly to your face are wanting you to fail.

You often get others peering into your finances, relationships, if you drink much, work situation hoping for a ***** in your armour - I Feel saying sorry to disappoint you I have a good job, plenty of money, in a stable happy marriage, don't drink much or use drugs, and keep fit, and work hard - So no angles to attack - I am better than you.

When something does happen someone, it makes then feel better about themselves.

[oddstray]

Originally Posted by veuvegirl

I think when we are down anything someone says to us can make us feel like we are being kicked.

^^^This.

I don't think people really kick you any more when you're down than at other times. It's just that when you're down, the kicks do more damage. Sometimes enough damage that it's work cutting ties with the kicker, even though under better circumstances it'd be something to shrug off.

[HappyDogToday]

I am not reading all these other posts, but here's the way I interpreted the OP's question: why do people you thought were your friends abandon you in time of need?

If that is the question, then I understand the OP's hurt and confusion in that in times when I was really in dire need, people that I thought would be there for me were not. It hurt and yes, it was surprizing.

I'm not sure why except to say that I believe that either they ''just don't get it'' or they just don't care OR maybe they are afraid I might ask something of them.

I suspect it's more of the ''don't get it''.

[jasper12]

Some "fair weather" friends are really uncomfortable around you when your life is a Country Western song. They just bail. And some others, hang around because they like being with someone whose life is messed up, because it helps them feel better about their screwed up lives.

Some folks are mean. Or stupid. Or both.

I was in a very low point of my life, when my Mother said something incredibly cruel to me. I went jungle on her..and confronted her meaness. She was stunned, because, normally I blow anything she says completely off.

When these people say those things...I suggest asking them why they feel the need to be so cruel. It stops those folks cold.

[mainebrokerman]

Originally Posted by jasper12

Some "fair weather" friends are really uncomfortable around you when your life is a Country Western song. They just bail. And some others, hang around because they like being with someone whose life is messed up, because it helps them feel better about their screwed up lives.

Some folks are mean. Or stupid. Or both.

I was in a very low point of my life, when my Mother said something incredibly cruel to me. I went jungle on her..and confronted her meaness. She was stunned, because, normally I blow anything she says completely off.

When these people say those things...I suggest asking them why they feel the need to be so cruel. It stops those folks cold.

it could be they know its a low point in your life, and throwing some pent up salt (which isnt right)
or, most likely, (and this doesnt make sense either) it has happened to them-misery loves company

"Some folks are just mean or stupid" or both.....this should be a bumper sticker!

[Wernere]

My experience is with a sibling who when someone stole my car after our mom died actually blamed me for know ing the neighborhood person who stole it. That's on of fifty examples of her mindset.