I'm super fun but lack friends (jealous, female, male, person)
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About me: female, 20s, very straight, pretty attractive, church-going, not much of a drinker BUT I love to go out and have fun - trying restuarants, travel, anything near or out on the water, amusement parks, movies, etc.
Problem is except for family I have no friends whatsoever (unless you count a few acquantainces I have little in common with that I get together with occasionally).
I went to a school where I was bullied when I was younger and then in high school a popular girl was jealous of me because of a guy so pretty much every girl disliked me except for a few "unique" girls I had nothing in common with. In college, I didn't make a single lasting friendship. I went to a party school without really knowing it and then I had to stay there and the heavy drinking / drug lifestyle is not for me. So here I am, out of college, in a career I like, healthy, happy, but without friends.
In the past few years, I have gotten together with a handful of people I've met online but after a fun outing or two such as eating / seeing a show / boat ride, I've found them to not want to do much. Not to mention socially awkward for a couple of them.
People I meet in work situations usually have their friends and I'm not really sure about how to ask / convey that I would love to go to a concert with them or even out to eat. I'm so into my work that I think I come across as serious and maybe that I already have my friends or that I'm just not into fun.
So I guess my question is: I want to hold onto my values, but how do I come across to people such as those I might meet in a work situation that I am very fun and would love to go out?
Since you're had problems with women why not try befriending men? Do you think you could maintain the platonic aspect? I find women very exhausting to try to keep up friendships with. Men are a lot more straightforward (not always but generally speaking) and low maintenance.
If you lack friends, you are not the super fun person you think you are. Simple as that.
This, and the things you enjoy doing are expensive. Going out to eat can run about $80-100 a meal, traveling is never cheap, and doing activites usually run about the same as an expensive dinner. Drinking is cheap, unless you're a seasoned drinker, and partying is as cheap as the booze you're drinking. It's no wonder that people don't want to hang out with you if it's going to cost an arm and a leg everytime.
Maybe you should talk to a neutral person (maybe a counselor/psychologist) and ask them to evaluate you. As has been said, you may well not be as much "fun" as you think you are and may have a rather glaring personality defect which turns off others but which is something you're obviously completely unaware of. I think this has been going on for too long for there to be a simple answer. Good luck!
What about joining a church with a really active singles group? You'd meet people with the same values and have a group of people to do fun things with.
It seems like everyone is making it sound like your lack of friends means there's something wrong with you. That's not necessarily true. Depending on your career, it can be hard to make friends at work, and once you're not in school anymore, if you're not making friends at work, there's not a lot of other places to make friends.
What about joining a church with a really active singles group? You'd meet people with the same values and have a group of people to do fun things with.
It seems like everyone is making it sound like your lack of friends means there's something wrong with you. That's not necessarily true. Depending on your career, it can be hard to make friends at work, and once you're not in school anymore, if you're not making friends at work, there's not a lot of other places to make friends.
The whole point is that the OP by her own admission had no friends in grade or high school, no friends in college and, for the past few years, no friends through work or through any outside activities. I don't see this as just circumstantial by any stretch and I think she at least needs to rule out something which may be obvious to others but not to herself.
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I went to a school where I was bullied when I was younger and then in high school a popular girl was jealous of me because of a guy so pretty much every girl disliked me except for a few "unique" girls I had nothing in common with. In college, I didn't make a single lasting friendship. ...
There are aspects of your problem that puzzle me. The statement that
Quote:
so pretty much every girl disliked me except for a few "unique" girls I had nothing in common with
makes it sounds like you believe that you were one of the special girls but was excluded from the special girls group due to getting the popular guy. Just seems odd.
However that is neither here not there at your present stage in life. If you want to have friends you must be a friend. That means showing interest and talking to people even if they are "unique". Once you have made some acquaintances you can develop them into more by putting forth effort to create scenarios to do things together. This may mean a lot of effort for you to plan the outing and lead them yourself. If you wait for others to invite you first it might never happen. Plus people you know may get the feeling that you are not interested in hanging with them because you have missed the subtle invitations made.
Look around at your fellow workers and see what they do. Do they go to lunch at the same restaurant? If so, go there yourself and make sure you visit with them. Do they attend your church? Perhaps you could join theirs? If you are going to make friends you need to work on the social skills.
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