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Totally not selfish. My boyfriend and I moved down here away from both of our families. Of course the families didn't like it and tried to come up with clever reasons why we shouldn't do it, but all those reasons revolved around them (talk about selfish, LOL). We moved here in 2007 and they love coming down here to visit us because they look at it like a peaceful getaway!
Do what you need/want to do, make yourself and your immediate family happy.
You should do what you need to for the happiness of your immediate family.
I've lived away from family now as long as I lived near them. We live in San Diego so getting family to visit hasn't been hard... However, I will say that there are times it's hard - We've got BabyGirl now and I really envy my sisters being able to drop her kids off at my folks or their aunts during emergencies, for a date night, doctor and dentist visits etc.. (not sure if that's a concern for you, ages of your kids etc..)
Wow! Thanks! Can you all call my mom now? Lol. Thanks for the insight! My biggest worry is when my parents are older. I'm the only nurse in the family and am relied upon heavily for my "expertise" . We're currently about 45 miles west of Chicago and would love to move to Raleigh, NC area. So here's another issue...so I said no one in my family moves....well with in 3 years my moms siblings are moving...one to northern WI and the other to FL. My grandma just passed, my mom was very close to her. That leaves my dads 90 to mother and 2 of his siblings in the area who they aren't close with. So my cousin and my brother would like to come down but then it truly will leave my parents in IL without family. I've talked to them about relocating but they a large group of friends from hs they still see monthly and have "built their life here". So basically my guilt is leaving my parent in IL that everyone else in our family is potentially leaving.....
On the off chance that you still need more positive reinforcement...doing what's best for your spouse and children isn't selfish, it's the opposite of it. Yes, your parents will likely wish you were closer, but what's to stop them from moving to live near you in the future? Don't let possible moves and future needs of others keep you from making a move for your family if it makes the most sense.
We moved away from family when our kids were very young. We wanted to buy a home (which we couldn't on one income in the city we were living in) and we wanted to raise our kids in a safe, small town. Unless you make an effort to visit them frequently or vice versa, your kids won't be close to their grandparents, cousins, etc. All sporting, musical, etc. events your children participate in will be missed by the rels. It can be expensive to travel and hectic in the teen years.
On the plus side, if there's a lot of family drama living a safe distance away can be a good and healthy decision for your family. If it's beneficial for your career, finances or mental health to move then do it.
After almost 20 years we are returning to the city we left to look after our elderly relatives and live a warmer climate. Of course, our almost 30 family members are rejoicing to have us come home. It wasn't easy but it all worked out in the end.
So we've wanted to move south for a LONG time and it seems to be a good time for us to do just that...with the exception of selling our house in this terrible market. The thing is no one in our immediate family moves away from each other. We have literally lived with in a few blocks of my parents, grandparents and brother. My in-laws are with in 20 min of us and the aunts/uncles and cousins are within an hour and see each other at least every other month. BUT my husband and I hate winter, our schools and just really want to relocate. Our kids want to move and we can transfer within our companies for work. I keep feeling guilty like we shouldn't want to move...is this selfish?
ABSOLUTELY NOT! You have a commitment to your immediate family and your immediate family wants to move. MOVE. So many people stay around family out of habit or feeling they can't move because they'd get a guilt trip from family members. You can always come back to visit and if you're not close to your family or they have too much drama or chaos, this will give you a chance to get away from all that.
Hi I am on a same boat as you. I live in a city where I could barely afford 1 bed apartment for me and my wife. Working 7am to 9pm on most of the weekdays just to get by hasnt been fun. We are moving to south in 2 weeks. Of course almost everyone in the friends and family tells us how risky it is and why we should stay with the family. To be honest, I'm scared as little puppy. Moving is taking a toll on me not only physically but also emotionally. Dealing with all the moving boxes, calling moving companies, selling stuff on craigslist, dealing with all the weirdos from CL, negotiating with new stingy boss and the fear of failure..... On top of everything, I fear that I'm going to miss here and regret that I ever moved... But we are going to do it. I think it is more of being adventurous than it is being selfish. I think it is more of being brave and risk taker. I couldn't do it for decades, but I'm going to do it. I hope you could make the right decision for you and your family
Hi I am on a same boat as you. I live in a city where I could barely afford 1 bed apartment for me and my wife. Working 7am to 9pm on most of the weekdays just to get by hasnt been fun. We are moving to south in 2 weeks. Of course almost everyone in the friends and family tells us how risky it is and why we should stay with the family. To be honest, I'm scared as little puppy. Moving is taking a toll on me not only physically but also emotionally. Dealing with all the moving boxes, calling moving companies, selling stuff on craigslist, dealing with all the weirdos from CL, negotiating with new stingy boss and the fear of failure..... On top of everything, I fear that I'm going to miss here and regret that I ever moved... But we are going to do it. I think it is more of being adventurous than it is being selfish. I think it is more of being brave and risk taker. I couldn't do it for decades, but I'm going to do it. I hope you could make the right decision for you and your family
Just remember that you can always go home if it doesn't work out. Look at it as an adventure with no regrets.
If you were to stay where you're at, in 5 years or less, you might think that your life might have been different if you would have moved when you wanted to.
I've moved and lived in 4 states and while some of them were not good choices, I don't regret anything. This way I don't have to think what if.
Life is full of lessons so get out there and learn from opportunities and failures.
Also, I had 2 kids, 4 cats and 1 dog while moving around so it can be done. Good luck!
Maybe all the relatives can't wait until they have a warm climate to visit in the winter!
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