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What a great post below. You said exactly what many people think about our societies fixation with only saying wonderful and warm things about the dead no matter how terrrible they were.
It just shows that you guys are of similar caliber.
If you feel that way about certain people in your life, don't go to their funerals. Have your own little hate party elsewhere. People with a variety of feelings tend to forget not everyone feels the same way as they do. Going to a funeral to spit on a person's grave is a waste of time/energy.
Agreed.
It's amazing how the "everything is about me" pov applies just about every where.
A relative of mine (Mark) died recently of a drug overdose. It was likely suicide. I really hated the man. I saw him often at extended family events and always tried to be polite and friendly to him and often I was stuck sitting next to him during Christmas or Thanksgiving Dinner. He always treated me incredibly rudely when I tried to make pleasant small talk.
So when I got the phone call that he was dead I shed few tears. But when the invitation for his funeral came I could not wait to attend. I am not going to mourn him but will be fascinated what the relatives say about him and if anyone says anything nice about poor old Mark He treated the rest of the relatives like trash too but they tried to defer to him and be polite because he was married to a very popular cousin. Mark had a very strong confident personality and was very successful in his career, all traits that made many people give him the matter of the doubt and many people deferred to him because "he seemed like someone."
So would you want to go to the funeral of someone like this just to see how it goes and what people say? Would you go to a funeral of someone you hated but had a grudging respect or fear of? Maybe an old boss who was a very successful SOB. Because Mark is a distant relative there is no expectation of me going to his funeral.
What do you think? (The funeral is tomorrow and I may attend)
If you attend, you run the risk of feeling really ticked when all of the expected and traditional lies start flying.
People rarely speak the truth about jerks such as this one-especially at their funeral!
In fact, a lot of brain dead people probably thought this "bad boy" was cool and something great. Feel sorry for the booger. I have zero doubt he's dealing with his past bad behavior in some way, shape, or form as I type.
P.S. Just read your post about attending and the eye rolling. There's a little justice in this whacked world afterall!
If you feel that way about certain people in your life, don't go to their funerals. Have your own little hate party elsewhere. People with a variety of feelings tend to forget not everyone feels the same way as they do. Going to a funeral to spit on a person's grave is a waste of time/energy.
We all deal with things in different ways. For some of us a good way to get closure is either revenge or being able to see that sweet final goodbye to those who have injured us. Will I take pleasure in the death of those who have abused me ? Absolutely. No question about it.
You are absolutely right , we don't all feel the same about people. But I have been to funerals of loathed and despised hated people where the people I knew for a fact loathed that person behaved as if they had lost a saviour of humanity. The Hypocrisy of it so noxious it made you want to puke.
Being dead does not all of a sudden transform a monster into a paragon of virtue and delightful individual. We treat death as sacred when it is nothing of the sort.
For many victims of monsters it was impossible to be honest about their feelings during the bastard's life and there would be a form of poetic justice about those people having a say. The victims finally given a voice.
I have never imposed my feelings of loathing on a grieving widow , that would just be cruel , nasty and tactless but if I know others who share my views I shall certainly not hold back with them. A problem shared is a problem halved.
Let us not pretend that Funerals are always shows of genuine grief and sorrow. Humans have a propensity for hypocrisy which is staggering. Has anyone ever noticed how nobody who ever dies in a "tragic" accident is ever a monster ? How very convenient.
I hate very, very few people ( two in my personal life , one in public life) . But when those bastards go , Champagne corks to the ready ( and I am a teetotaller) and party outfits all round.
I have never had that experience yet but I would definitely consider attending Mrs Thatcher's funeral ( happy dance for me ) and of course my "delightful" MIL. I certainly have a few words I would like to get off my chest ...
Funerals and wakes are supposed to be about closure I suppose and closure comes not only in grief and sorrow but also in unloading years of hatred, and being able to finally lay to rest and purge feelings of despising and loathing someone. It might make you feel better to be there at the final act in a twisted sort of way. Knowing they have gone first for a start and that their evil spirit will no longer be able to torment anyone....
I have always hated the hypocrisy of funerals . People , often terrible, mean, nasty, petty, cruel , selfish creatures turning into Saints and Puppy Saviours.... It makes you want to retch. it is as though we lack the moral fibre to be honest and spit out the truth.
A friend of mine's father recently died. She loathed him. He was by all accounts a bully, a monster of selfishness, a wife beater, a drunk and basically a complete dead loss to society and his family. Still they gave him an OTT funeral and people all bowed down their heads and remembered what a lovely and wonderful loved man, father and husband he was. Makes you want to retch quite frankly.
I wish we could be more honest , especially with people universally loathed and despised. I find it offensive when people pretend to have loved a "wonderful" man who was nothing of the sort. People like that deserve either an empty funeral or one packed to the rafters with people who remember the dead exactly as he was. It would be quite entertaining.
I do hope I outlive my MIL ( I seriously doubt it though, monsters like that are made of sterner stuff , bodies forged in the sulphurous depths of brimstone ladden hell , she will outlive us all, hooves and horns always healthy and glossy...) because there is some triumph in that. Something to smile about and rejoice about.
If I had such strong feelings of dislike (I rarely say hate because it's so extreme) then I would not attend. Funerals are a time of paying respect to the deceased and their family. If his death doesn't bring about any feelings of sorrow or empathy, then don't go.
Do you ever attend the funerals of enemies, or people you just don't like?)
I am able to distinguish the funerals of "enemies" from the funerals of "family". I would never go to an "enemies" funeral but will always attend the funeral of a family member, even if I didnt necessarily like the person. Its still family. Glad that I dont have a family member who is an enemy though so this will never cause mental anguish to me as it is obviously causing you.
I went to a funeral of a family member who was a pedophile who molested me and I don't know how many others, who was emotionally abusive as well manipulative. I went out of obligation and because I was worried that it would look bad if I didn't go.
Looking back, I wish I had not wasted any time going or mourning his loss. I was in denial about who he was and what he did. It's hard to explain. Anyway, he got his just desserts. He died of a long, painful illness and he died broke.
There is another family member who knew what was happening and did nothing to stop it and nothing to help his victims. I was thinking the other day if she dies before I do, I don't think I will attend the funeral. I now don't care what people think with their F'ed up sense of morality.
There are just some lines that I cannot cross: child abusers, pedophiles, rapists, murderers, etc. Why in hell should I waste my time and torture myself to figure out how to rise above? I'd rather spend that time and energy figuring out how to live and enjoy my life and to help victims of these types of peole.
There is another family member who knew what was happening and did nothing to stop it and nothing to help his victims. I was thinking the other day if she dies before I do, I don't think I will attend the funeral. I now don't care what people think with their F'ed up sense of morality.
Sorry this happened to you.
I hope you get the courage to express your feelings to this woman.
Covering up the truth when there was something she could have done is just as bad as the pedophile. Disturbing.
I'd be making what life this woman has left difficult.
Last edited by virgode; 12-09-2011 at 03:46 PM..
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lies start flying.
For some of us a good way to get closure is either revenge or being able to see that sweet final goodbye to those who have injured us. Will I take pleasure in the death of those who have abused me ? Absolutely. No question about it. 
