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i've always been extremely introverted. throughout my life I've usually only been able to keep like one or two close friends at a time. for the past two years i've had NO friends except for my cat, my family and a couple of acquaintances at work.
Is this normal? I've tried to be one of those extroverted people and make friends but it never works out for me.
Also, i notice so many people who are friends with aweful people JUST to have friends.
if you have to hide who you are and go against your own opinions and beliefs to be friends with someone... is it worth it?
is it worth it to be friends with someone who's very mean to you most of the time simply to not be alone?
I feel it's not but i find most others would rather have the friends and do those things.
The measurement of normal is average so with that in mind the answer would be "no." However, whether or not it bothers you is what matters. You stated you tried to be an extrovert and make friends and yet criticize those who make friends just for the sake of having friends. Which do you want? IMO in the end I would prefer to be true to myself.
Intorverts don't necessarily have a hard time making friends. I'm introverted and have friends, it's a small circle of friends, but they are close friends. I prefer this as opposed to having many aquaintances and yet I can talk to anybody I choose to. My job is customer service related, but at the end of the day after having to deal with people I want to hang myself.
Introverts need alone time to recharge while extorverts get recharged by being around people.
The measurement of normal is average so with that in mind the answer would be "no." However, whether or not it bothers you is what matters. You stated you tried to be an extrovert and make friends and yet criticize those who make friends just for the sake of having friends. Which do you want? IMO in the end I would prefer to be true to myself.
Intorverts don't necessarily have a hard time making friends. I'm introverted and have friends, it's a small circle of friends, but they are close friends. I prefer this as opposed to having many aquaintances and yet I can talk to anybody I choose to. My job is customer service related, but at the end of the day after having to deal with people I want to hang myself.
Introverts need alone time to recharge while extorverts get recharged by being around people.
I don't criticize having friends for the sake of having friends. i did criticize giving into things that go against who you are to an extreme level to have friends.
what i want are just a couple of close friends again. i don't need to have lots of friends.
my job is at a call center, and i hate my job with a passion, thusly it does make it hard to want to do much on my days off. i'm planning on looking for a new job and moving this summer to a new town, maybe that will help me.
I don't criticize having friends for the sake of having friends. i did criticize giving into things that go against who you are to an extreme level to have friends.
what i want are just a couple of close friends again. i don't need to have lots of friends.
my job is at a call center, and i hate my job with a passion, thusly it does make it hard to want to do much on my days off. i'm planning on looking for a new job and moving this summer to a new town, maybe that will help me.
I was going along those same lines, just didn't fill in the details.
While my job is not call center I feel your pain, it can absolutely beat you down.
OP, some people may not consider it "normal", but it is FAR more common that you might be led to believe. Some people just don't need a lot of friends, and/or don't feel the need to try and impress everyone.
I'm introverted (an ISTJ) and while I don't have absolutely zero friends, I don't need or have much of a social life, the latter by choice. I am very choosy about who I will be friends with. I would not be friends with an "awful person" just for the sake of having a friend. My best friend I have known for 30+ years; she's extroverted and we're a good match. I have another close friend I have known about 10-12 years. She's a lot like me, perhaps just a bit more outgoing, but definitely an introvert. These two women are my closest friends; the former lives four hours away, the latter three hours away. I spend time with both of them when possible. I was able to spend time with one of them this past Christmas Eve.
I have acquaintances in the area where I live now (since 2005) but I haven't yet met anyone here who I have really clicked with. I know a lot of people through work and a lot are great people....just nowhere near as close as the two I discussed above.
Normal is by your definition. Depends upon if it bothers you or not. Some introverts are very happy to have more friends, some are very happy to have none, and perhaps a lot in-between. Everyone is different. As you know, being introverted or extroverted is how you are energized. Right now I haven't been feeling that great, feeling run down, and also went through a traumatic situation not too long ago. My energy for socializing is much less than my normal not much. My extroverted 20yo daughter came home for Christmas and I was exhausted after she went back to her place. She likes to talk a lot and while there's nothing wrong with that, it just takes a lot of energy for me to keep up.
You have to decide what is your normal and live accordingly. I spent too many years wondering why I felt so different than a lot of people and not really understanding why.
If nothing else, don't be friends with awful people just for the sake of having friends .
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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My best advice is to be open to developing a friendship with anyone you meet. Once you find out what they're like you'll soon realise whether they're real or just in it for some other reason. Good luck .
yes, i am getting kind of lonely having zero friends. i just have been burned in the past when i went out of my way to make friends.
i was always the one left out when trying to make friends at an organization, while new people who joined were included right way. after a year of trying this i gave up.
i felt it was kind of pathetic to keep going to this organization when i was never invited to anything while people who would show up for the first time made friends with others within a few weeks, over and over again.
I realize i'm very quiet, but it really hurt.
but now i think i'm ready to try somewhere else again.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 18 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
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IMHO, if you're an introvert seeking out for friendships, it's best to find hobbies with like-minded people. It seems to be working for me.
And try to stay away from discussing controversial topics unless you know they share the same views as you.
I literally didn't have any friends until in my 30's. Bar-drinking buddies don't count & once I was done with H.S , I rarely ever saw my classmates again unless we bumped into each other out in public somewhere.
I've never been one to approach or reach out to others, as I'm quite self-sufficient, and I'm definitely not one to be insincere just to please others. So at times I've been lucky and just "clicked" with people who like me for myself -- and I've loved that experience -- but if that doesn't happen, then I pretty much just don't have friends. Yes, it's lonely, but consider the alternative! Most people make many compromises to be accepted by others because they simply can't stand being alone. Some of us don't believe it's worth the price (INTJ here)...
BTW: most "friends" really aren't.
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