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In looking at the "kissiest" places I know of, Italy, France, and Argentina ... they use the cheeks. I don't know of any cultures where the "lips" is standard, but "you learn something knew every day," so I'd like to see that list.
It was pretty common in my family. We are Hispanic. I've seen it among Hispanics from other countries as well. We're kissy people.
On the contrary - instinct is telling this person there's something afoot.
^ Bull. People have opinions all the time. Nothing wrong with that. But SOME people try to make their opinions automatically the "correct" one by pretending it is "natural" or "instinct" or some such by assertion.
Just because you call it instinct does not make it so. The user is put off by it. Great. Then the user should not do it. End of. But him/her not wanting to do it does not magically make it "inappropriate".
In prehistoric times, long before the blender was invented and before baby food was sold in the supermarket, adults fed infants by chewing on food and transferring the food to the infants' mouths. The infants learned to receive food by puckering their lips. This became such an essential survival skill that it became impressed in their genes.
Eventually, the puckered lips became not only a signal for feeding but an expression of affection. Parents came to respond to puckered lips with puckered lips, even when they were not mouth-feeding.
Consequently, according to Eiblo-Eibesfeldt, puckered lips appear cute because they imply an invitation to kiss. Not surprisingly, parents in most cultures express affection to children by kissing them on the lips.
Today, there are still cultures where there are no blenders and no baby food factories, so what do they do? Kiss feed, of course! Eibl-Eibesfeldt has found this practice among the Blit tribe of the Philippines, the Yanomami tribe of Venezuela by fathers as well as mothers, the Himba tribe of Southwest Africa, the !Ko Bushmen, and the !Kung Bushmen.
Kissing is not a uniquely human trait. Chimpanzee mothers feed mouth-to-mouth, just like prehistoric and primitive humans. Consequently, chimpanzees kiss, just as we do. Kiss feeding and kissing are both found among our simian cousins, especially as a sign of submission, reassurance, or greeting.
A similar pattern has been found in the bird phylum. Mama Bird holds a worm in her beak while the baby birds open their beaks. Among mating couples, one mate opens the beak while the other mate feeds that mate a worm or pretends to feed that mate a worm.
There is another opinion on kissing. Hausfater suggested that kissing comes from licking and grooming the child. Eibl-Eibesfeldt disagreed, but added Hausfater’s contribution for the reader’s consideration anyway.
That leaves one item which E-E and Hausfater would agree on, and that is that when mating couples kiss, they are imitating parent/child dyads!
Perhaps Freud was wrong in implying that the sexual drive was the deepest and most basic of all drives. It looks as if the parental drive qualifies for that title. We see mating couples borrowing from parent/child dyads. If Freud were right, the situation would more likely be the other way around.
Maybe not customary where you are from, but certainly the norm in many places.
Yes it was the norm with many in the area I was born and raised in. It’s not something I ever did though when raising my children in the USA but I recognize it’s a custom and norm for some cultures and families.
My 80-something MIL used to kiss on the lips. Quick peck, pursed lips. No big deal.
Once, on my first visit to a church, during the “turn and greet your neighbor” business, the woman sitting behind me kissed me on the lips. I thought she was just going to give me a hug, which was bad enough. Needless to say, that was my only visit to THAT church.
On the lips for romance/spouse/SO ONLY. No one knows where the other person's mouth has been, eeew. I had an older (adult) cousin who did that when we had more family get-togethers when I was a child in the 80s & my parents didn't like it & told me to just hug him or turn my head, which I did.
I remember my future FIL going in for the kiss and I gave him my cheek. I also remember the look on his face. I don't think he liked me after that. Sorry, but as a kid I had enough of the mushy lipped kisses from relatives. I don't regret what I did.
I haven't read the entire thread but here's my take:
There is a type of "lip kissing" that involves dry, pursed lips and it's super quick and definitely non sexual. I don't personally do that and don't want anyone doing that to me, but I don't think it's weird or anything - just not my style culturally. If someone I knew did that, I'd always, always turn my head and they'd get my cheek, and they'd just have to be fine with that.
I AM from a culture where we do a lot of hugging, and even some cheek kissing. Also, the women tend to be very demonstrative. My husband has seen texts or messages between my close girlfriends and me, or heard us talking on the phone, and said, "Dang, y'all sound like lesbians," because we tend to do a lot of "I miss you, can't wait to see you, love you," etc. even though we see each other pretty often. My closest friends and I end every conversation with "I love you!" and when we see each other we often hug each other and will also often kiss each other on the cheek.
But I don't want them kissing me on the lips and I'm pretty sure they don't want me kissing them on the lips either!
My husband's ex wife used to wear their son's letter jacket to his games, and also used to grab him and kiss him on the lips after every game, and not a light kiss, and it embarrassed him and seemed weird to us. But one reason she and my husband got a divorce is because from the minute they got their son home from the hospital, till their divorce seven years later, she put her son right in the middle of their bed and my husband said they never once spent a night alone after that - and also never took even a little overnight trip alone after their son was born (both grandmothers were in their early fifties and lived close by and were willing and able to babysit anytime). And the few times they went out to dinner alone, all his wife did was fret about their son. So that whole thing was really weird and offsetting. His son is now an adult and he ended up moving five hours away from his mother trying to get out from under her smothering - I feel sorry for him. So in her case I do think that kissing him on the lips was a manifestation of an unhealthy attachment. None of the other athletes' mothers ran up and kissed them on the lips. Blech.
I’m not comfortable with it, and it’s not done in my family, but I know some families do.
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