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For a start to even find out any of my second cousins we'd have to do a lot of asking around. I don't really see the point. It sounds like something old ladies with time on their hands do.
But then again my rellies are spread all over the world as well.
I have easily 80 2nd cousins. Everyone lives all over, but on one side of my family (the side that keeps up with second, 3rd, 4th, 5th....cousins) has a family reunion every 2 years. So I get to see and meet new cousins all the time.
I guess I'm not a very "family-oriented" guy, compared to others here.
I barely even know very well or have talked much to first cousins or many outside my "nuclear" family, let alone second cousin or further.
I remember some meet-ups when I was a kid with cousins, aunts and uncles etc., but that's it. I also rarely spent much time with grandparents as a kid.
After I grew up and despite still being a young man in my 20s without "a family of my own" or how you'd like to call it, really it's siblings and parents I keep in touch with and not much else.
My mother is the youngest of ten children so there's quite an age gap between her and her older siblings. Her oldest sibling is 22 years older. Most of my family still lives in the area, so she sees them at the usual family gatherings and hangs out with a couple of her sisters every now and then. The relationships in my family aren't all cheesy and emotional, but everyone generally gets along. The one person we have little contact with is her one brother who lives out of state. He talks to my grandfather on the phone once a month, but only has contact with the rest of us when we visit him. He's a very nice guy, but never comes up to visit for some reason.
I have 21 first cousins on my mother's side of the family and 6 first cousins on my father's side. I don't know how many second cousins I have, but I do know several.
As for me, I've gotten along better with my older brother ever since he moved out.
I think the relationship between siblings in the Western world is inverted. It is not about helping each other or promoting the success of our siblings. It's about competing with them and even actively holding they down. So the value in it for the Western sibling is twisted and completely warped and sociopathic. We value our siblings if they make us look good by being "not better than us". If they are better than us, we try and knock them down or are secretly happy when our sibling fails.
This! I am contemplating whether my son needs a sibling & this post more or less summarizes the mindset I had coming in here.
Man, it's timely that this thread popped up again. I just had an amazingly huge eye-opening experience that really drove home to me just how close and family-oriented both my family and my husband's family are.
I got married this past weekend, and it was a long-distance, destination wedding for nearly all involved. Despite the fact that the vast majority of people were coming from a minimum of 500 miles away, all four of my siblings and their spouses attended and were involved in the wedding ceremony, whether as bridesmaid, readers, or ushers, and my brother's kids were also participants in the ceremony...they are small children, but also very, very close. Nearly all my parents' siblings made the trip, as did all of my husband's parents' siblings. My husband's aunt and uncle and ALL their adult children came, a family of nine siblings that is enormously close to one another. My husband's sister came all the way from the UK, where she's lived for the past twenty years with her Scottish husband, and his sister, to whom we are also close, came as well.
The amount of family love and closeness, much of it sibling bonds, was absolutely staggering and humbling. For both my family and my husband's family, the warmth and connection was palpable, and it really seems like both sides gained an entire new family. It was truly and amazing, amazing thing, and I'm so lucky to have found someone whose family dynamic is as close, bonded, and loving as mine is. It made an already amazing celebration of love and family that much more phenomenal.
This! I am contemplating whether my son needs a sibling & this post more or less summarizes the mindset I had coming in here.
I am an only child. There are many good things about not having siblings, but many bad things too. I would have really liked a sibling, someone close-ish to my age that I could talk to and depend on. Yeah, we may have been competitive as kids, but I think siblings generally get along better when they get older.
A lot of people I know are pretty close to their siblings. They hang out with each other a lot and have the same friends. My sister and I stopped being close when I was about 9 or 10. She never minded if I talked to her in school before that, after that she would tell me I was an embarrassment and to leave her alone. It got worse after that. We hated each other when we were teens. We grew out of that, but we still don't see each other much and we never hang out. The closest it came was when we worked at the same place. But now I live in a different city than her. I only visit her if I want to see my nephew and bring him gifts. Otherwise I barely even text her, and she only texts me when she wants something. I don't remember the last time we had an actual conversation.
I think it all depends on your family dynamics when you were growing up. In my case, I am several years older than my siblings. However, we do stay in touch a few times a year, not to visit, but via phone, email, now Facebook. When I was a kid growing up, it was common for aunts and uncles to visit with one another for coffee..the cousins would run off and play. You do not see that happen much now a days. I think that the world is just running too fast, too many things to be involved in. Back in my day, we only had 4 TV channels, no video games, no internet. Also, sports are so much more competitive. People devote their lives to things such as soccer etc.,! I try to keep my children involved with one another and us by having w/e dinners.
I agree that it has a lot to do with the dynamics of your family throughout childhood. Also agree that back when I was younger, people/relatives physically "visited" each other. We didn't have computers, cell phones or any other way for instant communication other than a phone call (oh and the ever so expensive long distance call) or a visit.
I feel I am quite close to my 5 older siblings. They are all married and all but one have children and several have grandkids. My parents taught us to lookout and be there for one another--even though we have some different ideas on lifestyles, parenting, religion, etc. We rally around one another in good times & bad to share the life experiences we all go through. I don't want my busy siblings to feel bad about not keeping in touch with me regularly. I want them to WANT to keep in touch with me and to make the effort. Doesn't have to be a long conversation/email/visit, etc. Just a quick "thinking about you" message of some sort. On the flip side, I feel better when I communicate with my siblings. So it's a two-way street.
My mother died almost 30 years ago, and may dad 5.5 yrs ago. I think having your parents around/living also plays into how well/often siblings communicate if at all.
I'm very close to my siblings. Would never forget them.
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