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In movies siblings are portrayed as hating each other
Yep, I know exactly what you mean. Gone are the days when shows like The Brady Brunch and Family Affair were popular. Nowadays, drama sells, and people would rather watch a train wreck.
I have five siblings and speak regularly to one of them. The other four I have nothing in common with. Being that they've left me with all of the care of our aging mother, I'm not all that impressed with them.
I don't believe that just because we're biologically related we have to get along or even love each other. The people I love are the people who have 'earned' it by being good, responsible people. I don't have time or energy to deal with toxic relationships or even mediocre ones undertaken out of obligation.
We actually did get along well enough growing up. I was the youngest but I don't remember my older brothers tormenting me terribly (sure, they tied me to a chair now and then, but most of my memories are fairly fond). It's just that as an adult my interests are so different and so is my sense of responsibility.
I talk to my one brother a lot because he thoroughly enjoys talking on the phone. A long phone conversation with my other brother is about 3 minutes and that rarely ever happens. We still talk though. And I know I can count on them for almost anything.
I talk to my one brother a lot because he thoroughly enjoys talking on the phone. A long phone conversation with my other brother is about 3 minutes and that rarely ever happens. We still talk though. And I know I can count on them for almost anything.
That's like the one sibling I do love and try to keep in contact with. He's pretty much impossible to have any kind of conversation with.
"Hey, bro, how's the new baby? How's fatherhood suiting you?"
"He's fine. It's good."
At the same time, he's the only one I can count on and who tries to help out despite living across the country. But man...trying to having a conversation is painful for both of us!
Oddly, he's also the one I probably got along with the least growing up.
Most of my cousins live far away so obviously it would make any close relationship unlikely. Indeed there's one I haven't even met yet. I met two others for the first time on a recent trip to Singapore (mum comes from a big family).
I have about 70 second cousins. Most of them are pretty close to my Dad's age or older. They have grandkids that are closer to my age. :P
As for first cousins? 5 are my age, 2 I am closer 2. 2 have a psycho dad who tried really hard to keep them separate from the rest of the family and they have issues. The 3rd one I'm not close to anymore because he decided to take time off for the family for around 7 years, and is now coming back around. My other 5 are 20-30 years older than me.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
I have about 70 second cousins. Most of them are pretty close to my Dad's age or older. They have grandkids that are closer to my age. :P
As for first cousins? 5 are my age, 2 I am closer 2. 2 have a psycho dad who tried really hard to keep them separate from the rest of the family and they have issues. The 3rd one I'm not close to anymore because he decided to take time off for the family for around 7 years, and is now coming back around. My other 5 are 20-30 years older than me.
I don't know any of my second cousins. Would be interesting to speculate, but I feel my first cousins are distant enough.
I wonder if this is related to Western society and the development of the nuclear family.
In Western cultures it seems common that, once you leave home, you have little to do with your siblings, unless you are especially close. You might see them once a year or so...
Now I can understand living apart and stuff, but many people don't seem interested in maintaining contact with their siblings even by phone, email etc.
I don't know the percentages, but it seems a very large percentage. I don't buy excuses like 'you're busy with your own family', surely a phone call every month or so...
I could say the same for parents.
Not saying you should feel like you're obliged to keep in touch, but it's sad that many people either don't care or even resent their siblings.
What I'm saying is, is the relationship between siblings, brothers and sisters, undervalued in modern western culture? Like even in films, brothers and sisters are usually portrayed as always fighting/hating each other. There are of course exceptions, like those cheesy shows like Seventh Heaven, but it's something I've grown to notice.
I tend to agree with you TRIMAC as I have on other threads and forums,
I tend to think it is a western mindset a well.
Personal? I have one sib a twin, yes I realize the hype however I relate this in general terms. I was adopted along with my twin as well as being a twin however we re too close and this has proven to be good and bad which mimic the dynamics of other sibs.
She is my best friend and yet my worst enemy when it comes to accountability. She knows me in and out, my strengths and short comings, she is my best advocate and my harshest judge!!!
I was out of state for almost 10 years on and off and we cried every time I left and every holiday I missed yet we fought every day and every night but it is what it is.
We are one yet separate! We have no identity when it comes to family the only exception is our children.
Others know as the "The twins or the girls"
I have a point.
Sibs fight for rank, to be the apple of their parents eyes, seek approval for something that other sibs do not have.
My point?
If two people that are one in the same can struggle, fight for identity, proof of excellence, a determining factor that they are individual? And yet love one another when the going gets hard? act as one on many occasion? Are willing to lie their life down for the other? Cannot stand one day to go by without talking to one another, the thought of the other dying cause their breath to leave their body for seconds that seem eternity? Regular brothers and sisters have nothing to ***** about.
My twin is me and I her and I do not understand other sibs stating that they do not see each other but once a year, do not know the joy of having their families around each other all the time? Their children being their children, cousins seeming like siblings instead of far away cousins
This concept in which you speak is foreign to me.
I am native american and irish I stick to the native side and do does my adopted family.
Even when I was married for ten years and lived in different states for ten years?
I would get away as often as I could for holidays and when the ex was training or overseas!
I was at home.
When I was gone? If mom or dad did not speak to me once a day I was welcomed with worried messages on the machine
Cards, gifts and letters were sent weekly!
Our philosophy? We are family, never to be broken, we can fight but we make up and FAMILY IS EVERYTHING or you have nothing
OP, so many of your posts are based on what you see on TV.
My advice, step away from the TV and computer and engage in life.
Next thing you know, you'll be old and have no experiences of your own.
Media is no substitute for life.
I moved back to be near brothers and I'm very saddened to find immaturity and selfishness. They have their own friends and interests and don't seem all that eager to include me. They certainly seemed to have forgotten me.
You lived away, life goes on.
Don't you have any friends and interests of your own?
Why do you think that they're required to take care of you?
Personally, I'd never expect my sibs to take care of me in social situations.
I'm related, not attached.
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