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How does an older adult go about making new friends. For one reason or another, friendships have ended througout my life. Some because we had a parting of the ways, some because we just lost touch, some because they were attached to one activity and when it ended so did the friendship, some because between raising two kids, working full time and continuing my education, I just didn't keep up on them. Now the kids are older and, except for one continuing education class per year, I'm done with school and I'm finding a void in my life.
For a long time, a church study group I belonged to became my only source of human contact outside of my family. It's understandable as we were a group of like minded women, the group intent was to build each other up and we met weekly for a couple of hours. When this group stopped meeting, I found a void in my life. I have, occaisional, contact with the women in the group but they all have lives outside of that group so it's casual. I, seriously, need to work on making friends. Obviously, I can't do it sitting in my basement posting...Any suggestions?
Remember I am a working mom with two teenaged daughters but I'm a teacher so I am off during the summer. I'm older than my neighbors who are, mostly, parents of young kids. Seems I have a lot of casual acquaintances but no friends. I do have my sisters, and thank God for them, but they're busy too. I miss having someone to call on Saturday and fill in on my week.
Just for background, my three best friendships ended because. 1) I had to turn her in to CPS (she's not a bad person. She just could not handle her daughter.) 2) I realized one day when I needed her that the friendship was one of convenience for her. 3) We just drifted apart when she moved back in with her mom and I was busy raising my kids. (I'm not sure but I think my kids remind her that she never had kids) She just prefers to run with a childless crowd.
Except for that church group, I've always been a one friend person. I've never hung out with groups but I wouldn't mind finding one to hang out with. So, how does a 50 something, full time working mom of two make new friends? Couples or otherwise. As you can see from my post count, this is pretty much my recreation.
I joined a book club a few months ago. I'm not sure if I will gain any friends for outside of the meetings but we certainly have a great time when we get together every six weeks to chat about a specific book and drink wine.
I used to do a lot more in the evening & on weekends with co-workers (but now I'm retired).
I'll be excited to get some more ideas as I need a few more good friends, too. (my best friend passed away and my husband's best friend passed away, both in their early 50s, and my two other best friends retired and moved away). It can get lonely.
If you love planting, weeding & picking gourds and live near Milwaukee I have a GREAT idea for you! Just message me.
We moved to a new state last June. I am 47 and have a 10 year old, but most of the people I meet are much younger and I have nothing in common with them other than our children are the same age.
I have met a few people through my husbands work and we go to lunch occasionally, but other than that, I'm a home body.
It would be nice to find a group or activity that I could meet people close to my age.
I joined a book club a few months ago. I'm not sure if I will gain any friends for outside of the meetings but we certainly have a great time when we get together every six weeks to chat about a specific book and drink wine.
I used to do a lot more in the evening & on weekends with co-workers (but now I'm retired).
I'll be excited to get some more ideas as I need a few more good friends, too. (my best friend passed away and my husband's best friend passed away, both in their early 50s, and my two other best friends retired and moved away). It can get lonely.
If you love planting, weeding & picking gourds and live near Milwaukee I have a GREAT idea for you! Just message me.
I'm sorry for your losses.
I hear you on co-workers. Part of the problem, for me, is that I was downsized out of a job I worked for 10 years. When you spend 10 years with the same group, they're like family. It's been two years since I saw any of them. I still keep in touch via email with three people but that's it. I feel a big void here. As a teacher, I find I'm not developing relationships with my peers because we work in isolation. The only time we see each other is during a 30 minute lunch. I'm in my second year, at the school, but still feel I'm not quite accepted. That has to do with my having come out of industry. There is a dislike and a distrust of people who come out of industry to teach. I also find that my peers would rather see me fail than offer advice they would offer to someone who was just an ed major. For some reason, many teachers want to see those of us coming out of industry fail. I'm not sure why.
I just didn't realize how much of my social life was work, school and church. I didn't need close friends because I had so many acquaintances but now that those relationships have dried up, I really miss having people I can just talk about day to day stuff with.
I do like gardening but I'm in SE Michigan and have a back yard that has two beautiful old oaks and lots of shade so I don't do much other than a few containers on the deck.
We moved to a new state last June. I am 47 and have a 10 year old, but most of the people I meet are much younger and I have nothing in common with them other than our children are the same age.
I have met a few people through my husbands work and we go to lunch occasionally, but other than that, I'm a home body.
It would be nice to find a group or activity that I could meet people close to my age.
I had the same problem with other parents. I was in my late 30's when I had my girls and just had nothing in common with younger parents other than our kids were the same age so I didn't develop any strong friendships among the other mothers. I had functional friendships. PTA friends, other moms who volunteered at the school, etc, etc, etc...but when the activities stopped, we went our separate ways.
I guess I need to find a group activity I can get into. As a teacher, I have the summer off. I just can't figure out what to do. I'm thinking I'll head on up to the craft store and see what classes they're offering. I've always wanted to learn how to quilt and there's always a book club.
This is sad but I'm looking forward to being old enough to move into a senior complex where there will be activities and people like me. My MIL lives in a facility that is, as my neice puts it, "like a dorm for old people". If she wants company, she goes to activities and down to dinner if not, she stays in her rooms. I'm afraid I'm a few years away from that and my kids need to have their own lives. While mine should have revolved around theirs when they were little, it can't now. So there's another void.
I miss my best friend from high school. Unfortunately, when you call CPS on a friend, that pretty much ends the friendship. As things played out, I wish I hadn't called because they didn't do anything. It just cost me a friend. Eventually, her father stepped in and told her to either give him custody of her daughter or he'd go to court and take both kids and she signed over custody. She called me, out of the blue, 10 years later to tell me she was getting custody of her daughter back and then I never heard from her again. I wish I'd had the foresight to have kept her number. There are a few do overs I want in life. That's one of them.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 04-05-2012 at 06:07 PM..
You're off during the summer, take a class, something fun, like a craft or quilting class.
That's a good idea. I always have wanted to learn to quilt and there's a craft store within walking distance of my house. A long walk, but I need the exercise.
How does an older adult go about making new friends.
From one older adult to another... it is very difficult.
I have lived in several cities and countries due to my career. I am still
actively engaged in my career and will be for a number of years to come.
I still have a friend up in Canada and we keep in touch via the odd email
here and there. We attempted to meet that last time I went through there
but it was just not in the cards that day. I have other friends up there but
we do not keep in touch.
I'm not one to dump old friends; however, most often the connection just
seems to end. In my case, mainly due to moving around so much.
I suspect given I am healthy at the time I will end up working into my
retirement for a few years. I have no idea what I will do when I finally
retire... perhaps sit in the mall with the other old men.
That's a good idea. I always have wanted to learn to quilt and there's a craft store within walking distance of my house. A long walk, but I need the exercise.
Go for it! Quilters are great people and I'm sure they will welcome you
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