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I feel so down and hopeless when people are being suspicious of me as terrorist, etc. They did not said it verbally but I could sense it in my whole body through some chilling moments.
The fact that I am not an American but have lived here for almost 5 years since I got married to an American. I am so homesick to to visit family/friends but dont have money for tickets. My husband earn small barely enough for basic expenses. I tried to ask some people for a gift or no interest loan. I dont get reply. When I do speak to someone and told them the main reason is to go home to my country, the air freezes and with a hurry response such as: "no we dont do that, we dont help that".
Should I lie and said "I'm desperate to celebrate a big birthday party of my husband 50th (last yea), or our 5th anniversary, etc?? I speak the truth, that I want to go home country, although USA has been my humble home with my husband.
Although I also need money to study and start small business. My top priority is due to being homesick and I explain that truthfully for seeking a goodwill loan. But since I have experience several times to the chilling silence and response, I know no one will dare to care. I dont really blame them, but they over reacted. If I were rich, I would also be mindful who I wish to help; nothing for alcohol, drugs, etc. But I would get the facts referred, because people who decide upon factual details are smart person;people who jump to conclusion due to suspicious and lack of factual information, are ignorant (and selfish).
welcome your comments, but please dont be mean.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 06-25-2012 at 02:25 PM..
Reason: Moved from Community Chat
I feel so down and hopeless when people are being suspicious of me as terrorist, etc. They did not said it verbally but I could sense it in my whole body through some chilling moments.
The fact that I am not an American but have lived here for almost 5 years since I got married to an American. I am so homesick to to visit family/friends but dont have money for tickets. My husband earn small barely enough for basic expenses. I tried to ask some people for a gift or no interest loan. I dont get reply. When I do speak to someone and told them the main reason is to go home to my country, the air freezes and with a hurry response such as: "no we dont do that, we dont help that".
Should I lie and said "I'm desperate to celebrate a big birthday party of my husband 50th (last yea), or our 5th anniversary, etc?? I speak the truth, that I want to go home country, although USA has been my humble home with my husband.
Although I also need money to study and start small business. My top priority is due to being homesick and I explain that truthfully for seeking a goodwill loan. But since I have experience several times to the chilling silence and response, I know no one will dare to care. I dont really blame them, but they over reacted. If I were rich, I would also be mindful who I wish to help; nothing for alcohol, drugs, etc. But I would get the facts referred, because people who decide upon factual details are smart person;people who jump to conclusion due to suspicious and lack of factual information, are ignorant (and selfish).
welcome your comments, but please dont be mean.
Who are you asking for a gift or a loan?
If it is a bank or agency they probably have rules as to how the loan/gift will be used. Perhaps you could try again to get a loan to start a small business and then save your money earned from the business for travel home.
People probably do not think that you are a terrorist, they probably notice that you are sad and home sick and are sorry that they can't help you.
Is it possible for you to earn some extra money on your own? Think of your skills, can you get a part-time job? Or earn money some other way to pay for the trip yourself?
It's probably more the fact that you're asking for money, a lot of people are uncomfortable saying no or even discussing money with friends, and if you're asking for money for plane tickets, it's probably not a small amount. If the people you are asking are wealthy, they're even more used to turning down requests for money.
I doubt anyone thinks you're a terrorist. Most Americans don't think of middle eastern females as possible terrorists. Instead, we feel sympathy because we think they have no rights in their native countries...so it seems odd to us that someone would want to go back to such treatment.
Since you communicate well in English, what about working as an English tutor or an interpreter?
I am actually feel embarrass to be in this situation. My lifestyle is actually worst in USA instead of back home. However, when my parents pass away, I decided to start a new life here. I am shame actually to talk about my failure to relatives/friends in my country. I could have lived a better life, if I had used my savings into college courses here. However, my husband lost his job, I have to cover our basic living expenses and move to another state for his new job. My savings are all used up in unplanned expenses. I have gone through SBA hourly courses which highlighted the bottom line is I have to TALK TO THE BANK and SCORE who hinted PAY THE BANK 10% OR MORE for loan. However, I only want to start a one-person home business, I dont have the complex employer-employees business plan.
I dont have a car to drive to search for further job opportunities. I have tried so many application (mostly online application), never get called for interview. It is embarrasing, to put it briefly, I asked some successful people but their staff hate it, once a staff shouted at me for trying to speak to her boss for help; or some said they only help foundations or overseas refugees and not individual.
Moderator cut: TOS violation
Last edited by 7G9C4J2; 07-16-2012 at 07:15 PM..
Reason: Do not use City-Data to solicit donations
I don't mean to be unkind, but you have to be realistic. Literally millions of people are in the same situation as your husband. They lack jobs and are forced to move to new locations where they would not chose to live if they had other choices. Several people in my own family have spent their entire life savings to pay basic living expenses while they searched for work and finally were forced to take jobs that pay a tiny percentage of what they used to make. They are life-long American citizens with college degrees and English as their first language who have sent out thousands of resumes and applied for hundreds of jobs. I know first-hand how they have suffered, so I am not lacking empathy for your plight.
The government says that newly graduated college students suffer crushing unemployment statistics. If those unemployed Americans moved to your native country with no friends or relatives and an inability to articulate what they intend to do to guarantee their success in the business world, would individuals extend no-interest loans to them? Would people they barely know give them money gifts? Even if a business is very small or even home-based, it still requires a written business plan and a guaranteed way to pay back any loan you might take out.
That might sound harsh, but the situation is harsh. It isn't aimed at you personally. I feel terrible if Americans are, indeed, treating you cruelly because you are an immigrant. I live in the American Southwest, so I see the resentment often aimed at people who come here from Central and South America. I know that doesn't make it any more pleasant for you when you are feeling that people aren't being kind, but surely most everyone who is poor also dreams of taking out business loans with no collateral.
I agree with Hedgehog_Mom. Your command of English is excellent. Perhaps you can tutor people who are attempting to learn English. Where I live, it's the community college that has the largest programs to teach English as a second language (ESL). I know the primary instructors can't speak every language the students speak, so maybe they could match you with people from your native country who could use personal tutoring. Then you could at least earn enough money to purchase a plane ticket to visit your family and friends.
Also, are there any clubs or social groups you could join that gather together people from your part of the world? Perhaps spending time with some other immigrants might make you feel less homesick.
I'm sorry, I don't think anyone thinks you are a terrorist, they think you are a beggar or swindler.
I mean really. Why should anyone loan you money (interest free) or give you money? Would they do that where you are from? If your answer is yes, then ask people from there.
I don't understand why you think anyone should do this?
You are just one of many that are looking for money.
Why should you be given money while others go without food or shelter?
That may sound cruel and heartless to you, but it's how this world works.
Learn to live where you are. You have a husband. He should come first, not the people you left behind. If you think you made a mistake, learn to live with it.
I have made mistakes, all of us have. We don't expect YOU to give US money so we can be happier.
I understand your situation; my husband has the same problem as you about wanting to go back to visit his family but we can't afford it! And I don't know when we'll ever be able to afford it! I'm clinging to a job I loathe just so we don't lose what we have now (which isn't luxourious). I am better qualified than the job I work but I can't find better employment, and I won't leave the job I have without having a new one. My husband is doing very well at work but of course wants to make lots of cash in a little time. His family is always pressuring him to visit them (on another continent) and/or send them money; they think it's only bad in their country even though it's pretty bad here too. I feel guilty because he's been here four years and has been a great husband and member of the family (meaning my parents and other relatives), and has done so well for us, and I can't do better for him. If I could afford to send him to see his aging parents and his sisters, his nephews and nieces, and his brother who is probably going to marry this year, I would be so proud! That would be a big achievement for me...but I don't think I'm going to do it on my own. I know it's a joint effort, but I feel like it's my responsibility since he came here to live with me.
I also understand moving to another state just to afford the two of us living sufficiently, instead of having to be a married couple living with mom and dad or having to accept government aid.
I hear you, and I wish I knew some resource that could help you, but I don't. Just want to say I don't think you're crazy or a terrorist, etc.
Nothing personal womaninred...but I know LOTS of people who earn barely enough to cover their daily living expenses...I can't imagine them ever asking for "a gift, or no-interest loan" so they can travel, and visit relatives.....and I also can't imagine anyone wanting to just loan or give you any money for such a venture when there are much more important things to be considered...food, housing,etc
I feel so down and hopeless when people are being suspicious of me as terrorist, etc. They did not said it verbally but I could sense it in my whole body through some chilling moments.
The fact that I am not an American but have lived here for almost 5 years since I got married to an American. I am so homesick to to visit family/friends but dont have money for tickets. My husband earn small barely enough for basic expenses. I tried to ask some people for a gift or no interest loan. I dont get reply. When I do speak to someone and told them the main reason is to go home to my country, the air freezes and with a hurry response such as: "no we dont do that, we dont help that".
Should I lie and said "I'm desperate to celebrate a big birthday party of my husband 50th (last yea), or our 5th anniversary, etc?? I speak the truth, that I want to go home country, although USA has been my humble home with my husband.
Although I also need money to study and start small business. My top priority is due to being homesick and I explain that truthfully for seeking a goodwill loan. But since I have experience several times to the chilling silence and response, I know no one will dare to care. I dont really blame them, but they over reacted. If I were rich, I would also be mindful who I wish to help; nothing for alcohol, drugs, etc. But I would get the facts referred, because people who decide upon factual details are smart person;people who jump to conclusion due to suspicious and lack of factual information, are ignorant (and selfish).
welcome your comments, but please dont be mean.
You are homesick, I think you need to go home.
If you can't afford the ticket, ask your family and friends at home to help, failing that go to your embassy. They may be able to help you go home.
It is not socially acceptable to ask strangers for money in our society, or even people you know quite well. This is something you should ask of close friends and family only.
Good luck.
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