Ethical Dilemma: Lie to help a friend who escaped a cult? (person, member)
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I was not sure where to put this, so I am leaving it up to the mods, if they feel a different forum is more appropriate.
I have a casual acquaintance who has asked me for advice and I am at a loss. So I thought I would take this to the forum for help.
This person was part of a religious cult that is located in Oregon. During the time that she was part of this organization she had two children who are now in their mid teens. Approximately six months - to a year ago (not sure of the exact time frame), she decided to leave the cult and packed her bags in the middle of the night and took off, on foot with her two kids.
Because she was young when she joined this cult with her parents, she did not have any contact growing up with family members, and in fact, no one was allowed to discuss their "before life" so she does not even know the names or location of any family members at all. She has no knowledge of any family history. Likewise, no friendships outside the group were permitted.
After leaving the group, she was homeless for a while and unable to get a job because she had no social security card and no documentation about who she was, etc. (no birth certificate). For the past year or so she has been living and working in a shelter and trying to weed through the government requirements so that she can get the proper documentation for her and her children so that she can get a job and the children can go to public school, etc.
She has been volunteering at a charity thrift shop, this is how I met her and got to know her. She seems like a very nice person who has had quite a difficult time and is just looking for an opportunity. She told me that she need to get notarized affidavits from "friends or family" attesting to the fact of when and where her children were born. Of course, I am taking her word for all this, but she has asked me if I would do one of these affidavits.
I want very much to help her out, but I am not comfortable with swearing that I know when and where her children were born. I am trying to find out if there is some other way that I can help her with this without lying under oath! I told her I would do anything I could to help, but I would not do anything illegal or dishonest.
Do any of you have any ideas how to approach this? Let me just repeat a few points so that I don't get responses that are inappropriate.
1. She has no family
2. She has no friends or other people that she can contact about this.
3. She cannot contact anyone within the group because they will not respond to her.
4. She has no documentation AT ALL regarding her birth or her children's birth. No birth certificates, no doctors records, no school records. Nothing. Nada.
Instead of lying under oath, maybe poke around to see if there are any psychologists, lawyers, etc. who specialize in cult deprogramming who can help her.
That's not to say she needs to be deprogrammed, but they can sometimes help former cult members navigate the bureaucracy you're talking about, or at least point them in the right direction.
Instead of lying under oath, maybe poke around to see if there are any psychologists, lawyers, etc. who specialize in cult deprogramming who can help her.
That's not to say she needs to be deprogrammed, but they can sometimes help former cult members navigate the bureaucracy you're talking about, or at least point them in the right direction.
That is an excellent idea. The cult experts may even know if the government (in their big brother ways) has some type of information about that cult. Such as where the cult started. If she knew that the cult leader came from a certain city it is possible that her parents came from there as well. The cult experts may even know of groups that are searching for family members lost to cults. Even though her parents joined many years ago (if she was a child & now has teen children I would guess at least 25 -30 years ago) they may still have family members searching for them.
Good Luck to her.
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-29-2012 at 10:14 AM..
As others have said try and contact social services, they may be able to help her. So she was not born in a hospital?
No she wasn't born in a hospital. Apparently there was someone in the group with medical knowledge that attended births and other medical emergencies. Any contact with the outside was strictly forbidden, apparently.
My understanding is that she has been in touch with many different agencies since returning to civilization and she hasn't received much help. They keep telling her that she needs to get affidavits from family and friends as a first step. They cannot seem to understand that this isn't going to happen (except by fraud).
One of the problems that she has is that she has no income and no money so that prevents her from doing a lot. She has an idea that her family is from somewhere outside of Chicago, but she is not sure.
No she wasn't born in a hospital. Apparently there was someone in the group with medical knowledge that attended births and other medical emergencies. Any contact with the outside was strictly forbidden, apparently.
My understanding is that she has been in touch with many different agencies since returning to civilization and she hasn't received much help. They keep telling her that she needs to get affidavits from family and friends as a first step. They cannot seem to understand that this isn't going to happen (except by fraud).
One of the problems that she has is that she has no income and no money so that prevents her from doing a lot. She has an idea that her family is from somewhere outside of Chicago, but she is not sure.
20yrsinBranson
If she has an idea of where her family is from maybe start there. She has a last name right? Just start calling all the same with her last name and start asking if they are related. I know it sounds odd and daunting, but she has to start somewhere.
If she were in Australia, the government would help.
It must be the same in the US too, surely... IMO it is a gubmint problem if people are walking around without any ID or social security.
If this lady was in a cult somewhere, you can guarantee LE somewhere would know about it and the goings on...it's not exactly a rarity in some parts of the country. Maybe the local police would be able to help with affadavits etc, or bypassing the red tape. There must be SOME official assistance as she has arguably been the victim of a crime, as have her children by default. This is an unusual situation for us, but LE in places like Utah are very familiar and surely have some official procedures in place to assist escapees, or at the very least can recommend some resources.
There are many, many people who have escaped from cults and are now working to help others. Your friend needs to contact as many of these organisations as she can, and as many government depts as she can...I would even go to the FBI. I would also suggest legal aid if she can access it.
She's certainly not on her own in this situation, and it is a red flag to me that she has asked you to sign something illegally. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. You can help her, but don't lie for her.
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