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It's sad to see so many hostile stepchildren on this thread, especially given the people posting are adults and the OP was an adult when she met her SM.
Keep in mind if your father divorces your mother or becomes a widower, the next person he marries owes you NOTHING but the basic respect all people deserve. Nothing more and nothing less. Her involvement is with your father, and they have decided to have a relationship that is between THEM first and foremost, and there is nothing wrong with that.
It is no different than when you go out and find your own mate or spouse. It's not up to your dad who you choose, and that person doesn't owe your parents anything more than basic respect. Of course we all hope that our mates will get along well with our other family members, but it all depends on personalities, compatibility, etc.
If you resent and reject the stepparent it will show and they probably won't want to hang around you. Again not much different than when a parent treats a son or daughter in law like crap -- and then feel hurt and surprised when they see less and less of their married child.
A spouse is the most important person one has in their life. This is true for all people, and that includes people who are parents. I would urge the people here who have so much hate for the woman married to their father to try and have enough respect and concern for your father that you accept his choice of mate, and even try to have a relationship with the person. It doesn't have to be 100% perfect but it would make hanging out with the both of them a whole lot nicer, and then it would likely be more frequent.
Think about how you would feel and act if one of your parents "hated" your spouse.
It's sad to see so many hostile stepchildren on this thread, especially given the people posting are adults and the OP was an adult when she met her SM.
Keep in mind if your father divorces your mother or becomes a widower, the next person he marries owes you NOTHING but the basic respect all people deserve. Nothing more and nothing less. Her involvement is with your father, and they have decided to have a relationship that is between THEM first and foremost, and there is nothing wrong with that.
It is no different than when you go out and find your own mate or spouse. It's not up to your dad who you choose, and that person doesn't owe your parents anything more than basic respect. Of course we all hope that our mates will get along well with our other family members, but it all depends on personalities, compatibility, etc.
If you resent and reject the stepparent it will show and they probably won't want to hang around you. Again not much different than when a parent treats a son or daughter in law like crap -- and then feel hurt and surprised when they see less and less of their married child.
A spouse is the most important person one has in their life. This is true for all people, and that includes people who are parents. I would urge the people here who have so much hate for the woman married to their father to try and have enough respect and concern for your father that you accept his choice of mate, and even try to have a relationship with the person. It doesn't have to be 100% perfect but it would make hanging out with the both of them a whole lot nicer, and then it would likely be more frequent.
Think about how you would feel and act if one of your parents "hated" your spouse.
I'm not a stepchild but I can empathize with the OP.
It is clear that the stepmom in the OP has done much to deserve OP's feelings toward her. It doesn't seem like the stepmom did much at all to cultivate any sort of relationship with OP.
To the extent that I can empathize it is with the point that the entry of the stepmother into the dad's life shouldn't have changed his relationship with his kids.
It's sad to see so many hostile stepchildren on this thread, especially given the people posting are adults and the OP was an adult when she met her SM.
Keep in mind if your father divorces your mother or becomes a widower, the next person he marries owes you NOTHING but the basic respect all people deserve. Nothing more and nothing less. Her involvement is with your father, and they have decided to have a relationship that is between THEM first and foremost, and there is nothing wrong with that.
It is no different than when you go out and find your own mate or spouse. It's not up to your dad who you choose, and that person doesn't owe your parents anything more than basic respect. Of course we all hope that our mates will get along well with our other family members, but it all depends on personalities, compatibility, etc.
If you resent and reject the stepparent it will show and they probably won't want to hang around you. Again not much different than when a parent treats a son or daughter in law like crap -- and then feel hurt and surprised when they see less and less of their married child.
A spouse is the most important person one has in their life. This is true for all people, and that includes people who are parents. I would urge the people here who have so much hate for the woman married to their father to try and have enough respect and concern for your father that you accept his choice of mate, and even try to have a relationship with the person. It doesn't have to be 100% perfect but it would make hanging out with the both of them a whole lot nicer, and then it would likely be more frequent.
Think about how you would feel and act if one of your parents "hated" your spouse.
Actually, my step mother does hate my spouse. My step mother came into my life when I was seven. So, no, some of us weren't adults when our fathers chose their mates.
I give respect to my parents but that wanes when they offer no respect of their own. They make no apologies for the horrendous things they've said. I used to go out of my way to make them happy but I finally (after all these years) that she doesn't want us around. She puts on a big show for Dad but her actions speak volumes.
And the idea I always had was, well Dad has to go to bed with her each night so he has to make right with her...but when she walks all over us/me and is just so stinking hateful, what do you do?
It's a struggle so please, unless you're in this position, don't presume to tell me how I should act. It's annoying...and I doubt seriously if you could withstand some of the nonsense dished out year after year...
I know that this is a old thread but, you must have the same stepmother I have. My Dad has been sick in the hospital and my evil stepmother will not let his kids see him. She has his power of attorney and as she says "I am in charge". I was calling the nurses when she wasn't there and they would tell me how he is. She found out and has now put a password on and won't give it to me. The nurses can't even tell me how he is doing now. Just like you this has been going on for years. Your and mine situations are so similar it is scary. I am going through grieving. I always had hope it would change. It never will. My brother plays my stepmothers games and kisses her a**. She does let him see my Dad. My sister in law told me that the only way I will get to see my Dad is to crawl to my stepmother and beg her forgiveness. I really have not done anything wrong. I have never been disrespectful. If I crawl to her I will feel like I sold my soul to the devil. I am very angry at my Dad for putting me in this situation and not being there to stick up for me. I know that I will feel really bad when he dies. I will feel bad I did not see him but, I also don't want to sell my soul. I don't know what to do.
You know, it is so common to blame the new wife. The fact of the matter is the man chose this wife. These are his decisions that he made. You don't blame your dad because he's your dad, but he's the one who chose this life, this wife, and how things are to be distributed. Don't blame this woman is his balls are in her purse.
I will tell you two that are having problems with the stepmother . Call elder abuse and yes him not having money etc is abuse . She will not talk her way out of that one . She would find me a less than charming target and yes go up to the hospital and contact elder abuse and have them meet you there you are his blood relative , she is not ...You have rights as his child to see him in the hospital you all can get a lawyer and contest the will and if it took me to my dying day she would never see a penny , I would tie it up so much in court ...Im serious she would think twice about playing hardball with me ...Make her life a living hell and keep it up and as my sister used to say "burn the B*tch and then some " Good luck to both of you and all of you that are having these kinds of problems .
It's sad to see so many hostile stepchildren on this thread, especially given the people posting are adults and the OP was an adult when she met her SM.
Keep in mind if your father divorces your mother or becomes a widower, the next person he marries owes you NOTHING but the basic respect all people deserve. Nothing more and nothing less. Her involvement is with your father, and they have decided to have a relationship that is between THEM first and foremost, and there is nothing wrong with that.
It is no different than when you go out and find your own mate or spouse. It's not up to your dad who you choose, and that person doesn't owe your parents anything more than basic respect. Of course we all hope that our mates will get along well with our other family members, but it all depends on personalities, compatibility, etc.
If you resent and reject the stepparent it will show and they probably won't want to hang around you. Again not much different than when a parent treats a son or daughter in law like crap -- and then feel hurt and surprised when they see less and less of their married child.
A spouse is the most important person one has in their life. This is true for all people, and that includes people who are parents. I would urge the people here who have so much hate for the woman married to their father to try and have enough respect and concern for your father that you accept his choice of mate, and even try to have a relationship with the person. It doesn't have to be 100% perfect but it would make hanging out with the both of them a whole lot nicer, and then it would likely be more frequent.
Think about how you would feel and act if one of your parents "hated" your spouse.
To this I say how well do we know our spouses really especially if they are 2nd or 3rd spouses ? and let us face it , some of us as parents make stupid choices in mates and it is pretty obvious that the OPs father made a mistake in marrying this woman .
I haven't read through the whole thread so I may be repeating what others have said.
Your dad has been married to this woman for over thirty years. They have a family together. They've built a life together. Apparently your dad has a long history of financial and business success under his belt, so he can't be too big an idiot about money, contracts, etc.
I am not saying that Cora is a nice person, or justified in her actions. But I'm not even going to talk about Cora because frankly, you can't do a thing to change her attitude at this point. Let's talk about your DAD. Your dad has made these decisions about the inheritances while in his right mind. He has chosen to invest more in his relationship with his wife than in his relationship with his children. Sad, but it's his choice and he's made it. It's not just all on Cora.
As for Cora driving a wedge between you and your siblings - she's not totally to blame for that either. You're all adults. You know how she "is." It's up to you and your siblings to work on your relationships - period.
It's worth going to see an attorney about all this, but if you get an attorney involved, they will too - and it sounds like they have more money and time to fight than you do. If you think things are bad between you and your dad now, just see what happens when you hire an attorney. Of course, you may be beyond caring much about that and be basically after the assets now. Your choice but I think it would be a hollow victory. And you may just get cut COMPLETELY out of the will in the process.
Sad situation but they've been married, apparently happily (in spite of how they've treated you and your siblings) for over thirty years. I'm sorry that you and your siblings have had this happen to you. Your dad is a weakling for allowing it. That's disappointing and heartwrenching as well, I'm sure. He's as much a part of the problem as Cora is.
Move forward and learn to live without them or their money - that's my advice.
I know that this is a old thread but, you must have the same stepmother I have. My Dad has been sick in the hospital and my evil stepmother will not let his kids see him. She has his power of attorney and as she says "I am in charge". I was calling the nurses when she wasn't there and they would tell me how he is. She found out and has now put a password on and won't give it to me. The nurses can't even tell me how he is doing now. Just like you this has been going on for years. Your and mine situations are so similar it is scary. I am going through grieving. I always had hope it would change. It never will. My brother plays my stepmothers games and kisses her a**. She does let him see my Dad. My sister in law told me that the only way I will get to see my Dad is to crawl to my stepmother and beg her forgiveness. I really have not done anything wrong. I have never been disrespectful. If I crawl to her I will feel like I sold my soul to the devil. I am very angry at my Dad for putting me in this situation and not being there to stick up for me. I know that I will feel really bad when he dies. I will feel bad I did not see him but, I also don't want to sell my soul. I don't know what to do.
Here's what I advise children who live in my state and find themselves in a similar situation. Go to court and file a petition for adult guardianship. In my state, the court will appoint an attorney who will meet with the parent alone and provide legal representation to that parent. Not the children, not the wife. Let the court decide whether your father's wife is acting in his best interests by denying you access. Usually, that would be a big NO.
BTW, in my state you would not have to hire an attorney to get the ball rolling. Maryland not only provides the petition for guardianship forms online and in the courthouses, but provides free assistance in completing the forms, as well. Check for something similar in your state.
Good luck.
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