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UPDATE: We checked with the mortagage company and they are in fact two months behind. They live in one of those States that have quick evictions so they could be kicked out of their home in 30 days or less. (Yes I know in some States people who don't pay their mortgage can hold out as long as a year.) They have no equity for a reverse mortgage.
Can someone with a TERRIBLE credit rating rent a home after they get evicted from their home if they are retired with no assets?
Like someone else said snooper, if you do decide to help them out, make sure you pay the mortgage company, not them...and don't do it if it will create any hardship for you...personally I'd find it very hard to give support to a family that continually puts your wife down, and I would have (at least) expected them to come to my home and ask me for help face to face....amazing how they can totally disrespect you, and still have the gall to ask for your help.
Last edited by purehuman; 11-12-2012 at 12:48 PM..
the more I read, the more I lean towards saying no...let them find help outside the family, if they disrespect your wife, you should stand by her. They couldn't even ask you to your face for help...It's not easy to know what the right thing to do is at all but either way, helping them seems like feeding a bottomless pit. And certainly don't let them move in, you'll never get rid of them and they'll ruin your relationship..
Depends, do you want to see your in-laws living on the street?
They wouldn't have to live in the streets.
If they have very little equity in the house, then they might be better off losing it and finding a rental house or apartment that they can afford. They have enough income --- that's apparently not the problem but they don't have enough with the mortgage and the other spending they like to do.
Unless their income increases, they're very likely going have the same problem in another few months. They'll need another $2000 so they aren't evicted. This house isn't affordable for them.
If they have a lot of equity in the house, maybe they only owe $30,000 or $20,000 and the house is worth $180,000 -- then you'd hate to see them lose it. But you'd also want to guarantee your investment in the house, have your name be added as co-owner. If you have to help pay for something, you should be a part-owner -- unless you just like to give your money away.
Also if they have a lot of equity in the house, and they don't want to add a co-owner - co-payer, they could get the mortgage refinanced - if they have 3 years of payments left that are too high, they could refinance over 30 years and get lower payments.
To me even if these weren't rude relatives, I would base it all on how much equity, their ability to refinance to get lower payments, or add me as an owner -- with an agreement that if I was paid back then I'd be removed as co-owner.
The latest news is her parents left a voice mail that said that unless they can come up with two months of mortgage payments ($2000) they will be evicited from their home and be homeless. No one else in the family has any money and we have to help them.
Should we?
I'm afraid that whatever is said in this thread, you're still going to help them. You're going to give the crack addict crack, going to give a drunk a drink.
Quote:
Originally Posted by snooper
Some more details from the original poster:
They should not be broke because they make $3100 from social security and a $1400 pension from the fathers job. Their mortgage is only about $1000 a month and they live in a real low cost small town and own their cars without payments. They just spend lots of money on silly things and go on lots of vacations and eat out a lot. And they are maxed out on all their credit cards and have a very low credit rating. They are way behind on their bills because of poor decisions and overspending.
Good advice so far.
They own their cars! I can't believe that they would rather keep their cars than pay the mortgage. They want to live the high life and they want you to pay their bills!
You know, there are lots of people in America, now, who NEVER take vacations. They can't afford it. There are people who haven't eaten out in years. In my old town, the richest in that state, there are neighborhoods where few put out any holiday decorations at all. There is not one extra cent for anything above paying the mortgage, the insurance, the utilities, the taxes, the cheapest food...
There are retirees and working poor, trying to eat on a Dollar a day... even at today's inflated food costs. There are retired couples who have worked all their lives, who are struggling to keep one vehicle drivable. They live in 'transitioning' neighborhoods, where roaming 'Underserved Youth' terrorize the elderly... breaking in repeatedly...smashing car windows... making it dangerous just to open the door and check the mail. They can't afford to flee, and move to...
...to places like the one where OP's in-laws luxuriate in safety, and an affordable, comfortable home.
I added up their monthly income, and the total is FIFTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR!!!! And how much of that income is even taxed??? Anyway, with eleven thou or so in mortgage interest each year being deductible, I imagine their Income Tax is very little.
There are plenty of couples, working full time, who bring in substantially less than these two get. And those people are having to pay taxes on that income ... and raise kids... often in neighborhoods where the Random Diversity Tax strikes frequently, wiping out savings and safety: a smashed window here, a burglary there...
And then, there are all the single people, working for twelve and fifteen Dollars an hour, struggling just to make the rent on hovels... hoping they can just make it to work, driving on that set of threadbare tires until their Christmas bonus, or their tax refund, and they can shell out a hundred fifty bucks to replace the worst two tires on their tiny, ancient Toyota. Those people frequently have never gone anyplace on vacation. Instead, their thoughts are about getting ahead a little, and going hog wild... getting the oil changed, the belts and hoses replaced, AND four new bargain tires on sale! But those are just wild dreams. If Grammaw dies and leaves anything at all, they'll maybe have enough money for a down payment on a thirty-year-old efficiency apartment, in a complex that's gone condo, over on that still-safe edge of town... that is, if it's only 5% down. But that's just dreaming, too.
OP's in-laws have no idea how good they've got it. With that kind of income, and no medical bills, they could be socking away a thou a month.
Where did their outrageously overinflated sense of entitlement come from? Was she their high school's 'Prettiest Girl'? Was he "...uh Foo-bawhl sta-ah!" (I'm channeling John Cougar here...). I've seen couples like that: still thinking that because they were pretty and popular once, that all should still bow down before them and indulge their every whim.
Well, they'd better wise-up, QUICK. Inflation is going to erode the buying power of that pension check. Social Security 'adjustments' will not keep up with inflation. Their only hedge against inflation is that home.
This time, get them out of trouble (after consulting attorneys, to be sure that your paying the mortgage company does not entangle you in their financial mess... maybe the check could be written from the Attorney's account?). Do so graciously.
But I think that making this conditional upon their beginning Family Therapy is a good idea. I'm guessing that the Mental Health Professional involved will be able to accurately describe the problems underlying this situation: Dementia? Alcoholism? Narcissism? All of the above?
I don't think these fools are going to wise-up or shape-up. But having feedback from a trained professional will seriously reduce your Wife's angst and feelings of guilt over this situation.
We decided to not pay their bills and cut them off entirely when they started acting all friendly and nice to us when we talked to them about it. We knew it was fake and they were only being nice because we could help them. They have never been friendly or nice to us in the past and so we decided it was just fake.
We sent them a letter explaining our thinking along with a long list of public charities and government agenices that could help them. Good luck to them.
I would give my parents any amount of money if they needed help and I had the money to give. My parents have supported me and been responsible with money their whole lives. I know if they needed money it would be because they truly needed it. In your situation, I'd tell them too bad. They've been iressponsible and spent their mortgage on food and vacations. Why should you bail them out? Add in the fact that they've treated your family like crapola and I definitely wouldn't help them. Who cares if they lose their house? Ask yourself honestly - would they help YOU if the shoe was on the other foot? My guess is no.
Edit - Just posted this the same time you posted your update - good for you!!
We decided to not pay their bills and cut them off entirely when they started acting all friendly and nice to us when we talked to them about it. We knew it was fake and they were only being nice because we could help them. They have never been friendly or nice to us in the past and so we decided it was just fake.
We sent them a letter explaining our thinking along with a long list of public charities and government agenices that could help them. Good luck to them.
Wow, bold move snooper, I guess they can't be any more rude and obnoxious as they already have, so when they react to your letter it's not like you don't know what to expect. I think you did good, you're taking care of your own family now, and they come first..stand firm, you did good.
We decided to not pay their bills and cut them off entirely when they started acting all friendly and nice to us when we talked to them about it. We knew it was fake and they were only being nice because we could help them. They have never been friendly or nice to us in the past and so we decided it was just fake.
We sent them a letter explaining our thinking along with a long list of public charities and government agenices that could help them. Good luck to them.
I completely agree with what you did...anyone with a $4,000 monthly retirement income should be completely self-sufficient, and if not, they have to learn NOW how to live within their very considerable means...plus their bad behavior in the past has consequences...
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