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I am becoming increasingly concerned about the health and well being of my best friend since college (many years ago). He was normal weight in college and has steadily packed on the pounds over the years, but lately he has become obese. In the past I have mentioned my concern briefly and try to persuade him and his wife to do something outside when I/they visit, but usually end up sitting around- but I need to always be moving so at this point I'm don't really look forward to hanging out anymore.
Lately he seems to not want to even go anywhere other than the couch and work on weekends and I think part of it is he's ashamed of the way he looks. He seems to have just given up and has no ambition anymore.
I don't know if I should express my concern again or if it would just end up ruining our friendship. I just don't understand why he doesn't try anymore. I feel like I'm loosing my friend and even worse it makes me sad for his wife and kids if he were to suffer the negative health effects of obesity.
Has anyone been in this situation on either side? I try to understand the psychology of someone who is obese and maybe I just don't understand.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
He's still the same person inside with the same feelings, wants and desires as he would have if he were thinner....believe me when I tell you he is VERY much aware that his weight is a problem...but it's HIS problem, and something only he can change. I wouldn't bring it up in his face, if I were you...what for? to remind him that he needs to lose it? that it's dangerous to his health?..these are all things he already knows, probably much more than you, as he is living it every day, and probably a day doesn't start without him wanting to lose the weight (how do you know he's given up? are you that close to him? does he confide in you about his health?)...Just be his friend, and love him the way he is...you will only lose him if you can't see him....just the fat.
Speaking from experience, I have found that comfort eating, over eating, even under eating, are viable signs of depression and other psychological concerns. Getting your friend to talk to a trusted professional is probably not going to happen until he is ready-but suggesting it, or planting a seed might make you feel better?
He may be in deep denial about issues that are not obvious to anyone, even to him. My weight problems stemmed from a self-deprecating pattern of refusing to take care of myself-low self esteem and confidence, and I didn't even know I was doing it to myself.
I watched a documentary called "Fat, Sick, and nearly Dead" with Joe Cross. It's on Netflix, and changed mine and my husband's life.
Tell him how much you care and you're worried about him. You didn't say how much he weighed but if he's really really obese, something is going on inside. Just be there for your friend.
He knows he's fat. He sees it, feels it, hates it. He doesn't need to be reminded.
No but perhaps being reminded that people care about him and want to be supportive and help him will be what he needs to start making changes. It's a sensitive topic though and needs to approached carefully, from a place of concern, love, and support, not judgment and criticism.
I can sort of relate, as I've recently felt compelled to give a "wake up call" to a friend of mine.
My question is: how "obese" are we talking here? If he's just "regular" obese, can still function pretty well, and doesn't have any major red flags health wise, it might seem like nagging. But if he's morbidly obese and has readily apparent health and lifestyle issues, I'd say just have a heart to heart and say that as a good friend, you want to have them around for a while but that their current path might jeopardize that. Also, I've found that people respond better to the idea of "getting in shape" rather than expressly "losing weight".
Your post shows just how much you care about your friend. Don't give up your friendship over this. Try hanging out by watching special shows. Like sports, Golfing, and so on. Find new friends that like to be outside. Like the other post said be there when he may need you, that's what a true friend is for.
Take him for walks, bowling, cycling, boating, skating, whatever it takes to get him moving. Cook him delicious low fat meals and snacks.
Trust me he knows how fat he is and is deeply unhappy about it.
You probably have some unhealthy habits that he doesn't like but he respects your right to choose whether or not to indulge in them, so give him the same courtesy.
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