What do you think of situations like this? (mother, feel, father)

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by JrzDefector

I AM talking about the best interests of the child, not to just ease my conscience - if you're the best option, then you should try to fill the role. But what are we without our consciences or moral codes? What else drives people to do the right thing?

When my ex's kid was kidnapped by his abusive mother and the cops wouldn't do anything because it was a "domestic" issue, I didn't WANT to spend three months of my life on 24-hour alert, chasing down leads and sneaking around her family's homes. I pushed myself to the point of physical and mental breakdown because I was the only person involved who had the necessary skill set and resources (while still being unknown to the bio mom's family) to actually get the job done. People told me it wasn't my business because, after all, it was my EX. But I cared about him, I cared about the kid and I was the right person for the job. You step up when it's needed. That's just what I believe.

I understand your point.

I guess what my point would be is I'd be VERY careful about making a judgement on the wife in the OP or anyone in the same situation. As one poster mentioned earlier, in life we rarely have the whole story on another person's status. The couple may look like to outsiders like they have the financial means to care for another mouth with a BMW and SUV in the driveway in a 3000 sq ft home but working in finance in the DC area they could very well be maxed out on credit and have little money left over at the end of the month taking care of any kids they have now. Also someone could work freelance therefore not have a consistent paycheck they could rely on to feed a child.

Also physical health could be an issue. My mother looks to outsiders like a very healthy 60 year old woman but she has respiratory issues from her military days. No way she could care for a small child well at this phase of her life.

The point is you never have the whole story on why a person makes a decision on a matter of this magnitude one way or another. That is why I would never judge anyone for deciding one way or another on a matter like this.

[aquietpath]

Unfortunately, compassion and self sacrifice are rare these days. Selfishness seems to be the norm, and from the posts here, acceptable. I feel so sorry for the dying mother who can't leave this world with the assurance her child will be taken care of.

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by rohirette

We don't know what the other options are.

Is the bio dad going to just walk away? Are we talking about the likelihood of a 1 year old starving, sitting in her own waste, being neglected? Are there other relatives? Is the kid going to end up in the system? Will sperm donor voluntarily give up his rights?

If this little girl is likely to end up living the life of a foster child, then damned straight the woman in the column is being wrong and selfish. Her desires and notions about what she wants her life to be like are PLAIN AND SIMPLE less important than saving a tot from a likely bad future.

Can anyone here honestly say that choosing additional vacations and relaxation over a baby entering the system would be justifiable?

But if there are other viable options, it is reasonable to wait, to not raise your hand. I very much hope that Dad wakes up, and that the situation is somewhat exaggerated.

How many poor and neglected orphans have you adopted lately?

And who said a life in the system will necessarily ruin the child?

It's the woman's decision, and I can think of many other reasons besides selfishness why she would not be too keen about taking on this responsibility.

[Squirl]

The child deserves better....

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by aquietpath

Unfortunately, compassion and self sacrifice are rare these days. Selfishness seems to be the norm, and from the posts here, acceptable. I feel so sorry for the dying mother who can't leave this world with the assurance her child will be taken care of.

I must be really stupid, fell out the turnip truck yesterday, or something.

Call me crazy, but I think it is possible to have compassion for the child here but think and realize that you may not be the best option to care for the child and/or should not be guilted to take the child in if you are not "all in" for it.

I do NOT think it is selfish to not take responsiblity for a child that you did not create in any circumstance if you know you do not want to be responsible for a child or another child.

[TheShadow]

I have great compassion for the child who didn't ask to be brought into the world by a true deadbeat of a dad. I think in the end it is up to the father of the little girl to take some parenting classes, man-up and live up to HIS responsibilities. She is his daughter and no-one else's. Maybe grandma and grandpa can help him transition into his role as a single dad, but he needs to grow up and live up to his role as a parent.

[confusedasusual]

There are few things worse than being the child of a parent who resents your existence. When you are little, you have no idea why this is the case and keep working hard at getting love to which you SHOULD be entitled. This pattern can play itself out in all kinds of detrimental ways later in life.

If the letter writer knows that she does not have room in her life for this little girl the best thing she can do is allow her to go to someone who does. Her husband may think that they should open their home, but this needs to be a joint decision. If the wife is working and taking care of another small child, the husband should acknowledge that perhaps they have a full plate. Its not just money that makes a home an appropriate one for a small person.

Having a kid is always a huge commitment. Sometimes the "selfish" point of view is the most honest one.

[confusedasusual]

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

I must be really stupid, fell out the turnip truck yesterday, or something.

Call me crazy, but I think it is possible to have compassion for the child here but think and realize that you may not be the best option to care for the child and/or should not be guilted to take the child in if you are not "all in" for it.

I do NOT think it is selfish to not take responsiblity for a child that you did not create in any circumstance if you know you do not want to be responsible for a child or another child.

Yes, agree totally.

Kids are not stray puppies. No one should ever feel manipulated into having one or giving one a home.

[rohirette]

For the record, I have opened my home to a cousin's FAS baby. She wasn't with us long, as her dad got his act together.

But those of your who think yourselves proving a point by casting up "how many children have you adopted lately" should consider that some of us are speaking from experience - or from truly knowing ourselves. We HAVE made choices like this. And it is really tortuous logic to try and claim that you really have the kid's best interests at heart, because you might be a bit less well off now that they are around.

Clearly, we need more details than appear in the column. Like I pointed out in my previous post, other possible guardians, the exact feelings of the dad, whether or not this little girl is going to be out and out endangered, are all modifiers. But THAT part wasn't fun to attack, huh?

[dspguy]

Originally Posted by confusedasusual

Kids are not stray puppies. No one should ever feel manipulated into having one or giving one a home.

True. A 1-year-old can't take care of themselves.