What the hell is wrong with my sister? (wife, husband, siblings)
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My older sister and I used to be best friends. We used to go out shopping together, watch TV together religiously, but lately I cannot stand even being near her. She is ridiculously obnoxious when anything doesn't go her way, and she also likes to portray herself as the "poor me" person. You know, "poor me, I have to clean. Poor me, I have to cook. Poor me, I'm so tired" etc, etc.
Now here is the kicker. My sister is 28. She has one 2 year old child, and one on the way. She has been married for 6 years. She has been living with my parents and I (her husband included) FOR SIX YEARS. Yes, that means her husband and her, have been living with my parents and myself (21 single female) for her entire marriage and even into motherhood.
I wouldn't have such a problem with this, except that she constantly claims she only rents one room in the house but she has spread her things (and completely taken over) the living room, kitchen, dining room, our upstairs living room is now her storage area, AND her husband has even started sleeping in our guest room without ever asking my parents if it was okay! He leaves it smelling like sweat because he gets home from work and doesn't bother showering!
She is always in our downstairs area (open floor plan so if she's making noise in one of the communal downstairs rooms, it affects everyone on that floor. But does she care? No. She stays on the first floor all day every day. She has the television on all day, blasting, and if not that, it's the radio. She never even considers that someone else may want to watch TV, or do anything there, so much that my parents and I stay locked in our rooms all day.
But the real problem is that she complains about everything! She has been a stay at home mom since she had my first nephew, and she has ALWAYS whined about having to cook and clean (even after she recuperated from having him. If I leave a speck of dirt anywhere, for any reason she runs to my mom and does her "poor me, I'm going to have to pick up after her" act. She could obviously just come and talk to me but prefers to make herself into a victim. The hilarious part is that her husband is a slob and he constantly leaves his facial shavings all over the bathroom sink, and even BEER cans on in the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point where I am desperately trying to move out even if it means I will be screwed over financially just because I cannot stand her that much. Whenever I try and talk to her about things reasonably she gets an attitude like it's her house and she owns it.
I guess I'm just ranting, but what does it take a woman this old and about to be a part of a family of four to move the hell out and get her own place??? Somebody tell me I am not alone in being awe struck by her shamelessness.
My older sister and I used to be best friends. We used to go out shopping together, watch TV together religiously, but lately I cannot stand even being near her. She is ridiculously obnoxious when anything doesn't go her way, and she also likes to portray herself as the "poor me" person. You know, "poor me, I have to clean. Poor me, I have to cook. Poor me, I'm so tired" etc, etc.
Now here is the kicker. My sister is 28. She has one 2 year old child, and one on the way. She has been married for 6 years. She has been living with my parents and I (her husband included) FOR SIX YEARS. Yes, that means her husband and her, have been living with my parents and myself (21 single female) for her entire marriage and even into motherhood.
I wouldn't have such a problem with this, except that she constantly claims she only rents one room in the house but she has spread her things (and completely taken over) the living room, kitchen, dining room, our upstairs living room is now her storage area, AND her husband has even started sleeping in our guest room without ever asking my parents if it was okay! He leaves it smelling like sweat because he gets home from work and doesn't bother showering!
She is always in our downstairs area (open floor plan so if she's making noise in one of the communal downstairs rooms, it affects everyone on that floor. But does she care? No. She stays on the first floor all day every day. She has the television on all day, blasting, and if not that, it's the radio. She never even considers that someone else may want to watch TV, or do anything there, so much that my parents and I stay locked in our rooms all day.
But the real problem is that she complains about everything! She has been a stay at home mom since she had my first nephew, and she has ALWAYS whined about having to cook and clean (even after she recuperated from having him. If I leave a speck of dirt anywhere, for any reason she runs to my mom and does her "poor me, I'm going to have to pick up after her" act. She could obviously just come and talk to me but prefers to make herself into a victim. The hilarious part is that her husband is a slob and he constantly leaves his facial shavings all over the bathroom sink, and even BEER cans on in the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point where I am desperately trying to move out even if it means I will be screwed over financially just because I cannot stand her that much. Whenever I try and talk to her about things reasonably she gets an attitude like it's her house and she owns it.
I guess I'm just ranting, but what does it take a woman this old and about to be a part of a family of four to move the hell out and get her own place??? Somebody tell me I am not alone in being awe struck by her shamelessness.
OK, you are venting. It does sound as though she, and her husband are getting on your nerves. That's understandable given that so many people are living in the same home.
The problem is this - it isn't your you're house! It's your parent's home. If what your sister and her family are doing is not bothering your parents, there really is not much that you can do - except move out.
Yes you. The reason I am saying this is simple - this has been going on for six years and it's not likely to change. If you are the only person in the family annoyed by her freeloading and her husband's slovenly ways, it's going to continue. Perhaps forever.
I have a sister with whom I was once close, and she has turned into a person who I despise. It's sad, but there isn't much that I can do.
Get your own place and get on with your life! If you don't have the money to move, start saving now. This crap is not about to change.
OK, you are venting. It does sound as though she, and her husband are getting on your nerves. That's understandable given that so many people are living in the same home.
The problem is this - it isn't your you're house! It's your parent's home. If what your sister and her family are doing is not bothering your parents, there really is not much that you can do - except move out.
Yes you. The reason I am saying this is simple - this has been going on for six years and it's not likely to change. If you are the only person in the family annoyed by her freeloading and her husband's slovenly ways, it's going to continue. Perhaps forever.
I have a sister with whom I was once close, and she has turned into a person who I despise. It's sad, but there isn't much that I can do.
Get your own place and get on with your life! If you don't have the money to move, start saving now. This crap is not about to change.
My parents don't necessarily like this. Even my dad has tried telling her, "Hey, wouldn't you like to have your own house and your own things?" and she just ignores it or says she's too afraid to live alone. She churns out that same excuse and my parents feel bad telling her to just get out, but they are sick of it as well. And she also constantly uses my nephew, saying things like "Well, (nephew's name) is going to miss you guys too much if we leave." It's always something with her. At first it was "we're only going to live here for a year" then two, then three, then once the baby is born we're moving out, then when the baby starts crawling, then when the new baby is born, etc etc.
I don't know how you do things over there but once married a couple need to have their own home and move out there. Your sister should do that but she appears unwilling to do that at the moment. Probably her husband may not be the problem but if she insists there is nothing he can do either.
She may have converted her home into her matrimonial home. Probably over time this idea became so entrenched in her mind. I don't know whether am wrong or not because i have seen this type. She may be feeling everyone else apart from your mom to being in the way.
As someone has advised you the best you can is that you should make private plans of moving out. Your mom is not probably going to be of any help because this is her daughter.
This raving she is doing reflects the changes that are confronting her as she fits into her matrimonial life as roles expand. Another reason that may be she is doing this is probably because she has mirrored your mother and home as models to follow. That's right unless you move out you are going to be overrun and her persistent nature is a proof that.
Your parents are enablers and need to get a pair of backbones and make them get out. If your parents own their home, maybe it's a good idea to sell it and downsize into a smaller 2-bedroom home with just enough room for them.
Your sister and BIL are taking advantage of what's being allowed to happen.
My parents don't necessarily like this. Even my dad has tried telling her, "Hey, wouldn't you like to have your own house and your own things?" and she just ignores it or says she's too afraid to live alone. She churns out that same excuse and my parents feel bad telling her to just get out, but they are sick of it as well. And she also constantly uses my nephew, saying things like "Well, (nephew's name) is going to miss you guys too much if we leave." It's always something with her. At first it was "we're only going to live here for a year" then two, then three, then once the baby is born we're moving out, then when the baby starts crawling, then when the new baby is born, etc etc.
If your parents are unhappy with them living there, they need to do more than just hint around. They need to be clear and firm that it's passed time for your sister and her husband to move out. Don't ask her "wouldn't you like to have your own home?" - they need TELL her "It's time for you to move out." If she drags her feet, they should to set a date that she needs to be out of the house by. Yes, your sister is shamelessly taking advantage of them but at the same time, they are allowing her to do so by not being more assertive and firm with her.
I don't know how you do things over there but once married a couple need to have their own home and move out there. Your sister should do that but she appears unwilling to do that at the moment. Probably her husband may not be the problem but if she insists there is nothing he can do either.
She may have converted her home into her matrimonial home. Probably over time this idea became so entrenched in her mind. I don't know whether am wrong or not because i have seen this type. She may be feeling everyone else apart from your mom to being in the way.
As someone has advised you the best you can is that you should make private plans of moving out. Your mom is not probably going to be of any help because this is her daughter.
This raving she is doing reflects the changes that are confronting her as she fits into her matrimonial life as roles expand. Another reason that may be she is doing this is probably because she has mirrored your mother and home as models to follow. That's right unless you move out you are going to be overrun and her persistent nature is a proof that.
Most people in the United States follow this model. ^^^ They leave their parent's home when they marry. This in unusual, and the situation sounds highly dysfunctional.
My parents don't necessarily like this. Even my dad has tried telling her, "Hey, wouldn't you like to have your own house and your own things?" and she just ignores it or says she's too afraid to live alone. She churns out that same excuse and my parents feel bad telling her to just get out, but they are sick of it as well. And she also constantly uses my nephew, saying things like "Well, (nephew's name) is going to miss you guys too much if we leave." It's always something with her. At first it was "we're only going to live here for a year" then two, then three, then once the baby is born we're moving out, then when the baby starts crawling, then when the new baby is born, etc etc.
Yes they are venting. That is a far cry from actually doing anything about the situation. They are simply playing their part in the whole dysfunctional family set up, that they have permitted to proliferate in their home. Each has an assigned part.
Your parent's part is to give lip service to being annoyed by the situation, which by all right they should be. But they are in fact, more afraid that your sister and her clan will move out, than they are that they will stay.
They have every power known to mankind to get her out. But they are not going to do that. It's kind of like an overweight person, who has been thirty pounds overweight for the past six years saying "I really need to go on a diet!", while reaching for his third doughnut. The verbal acknowledgment that something is wrong is expiates personal guilt, and assures concerned family members that something is about to be done. Soon. On Monday. After the holidays are over.
And so on.
Your parents, particularly your dad, gets to keep a modicum of self respect by venting. He may also complain to people outside the house.
For your sister's part, she promises to leave. After the next baby. And so on. In reality, she has no such intention. She is most likely living in a nicer home than she and her husband could afford on their own.
She has a built in support system. The utilities are paid. The house kept clean and food is purchased.
She is going no where. Fast.
In fact, if she sticks around as long as an older cousin of mine did, she may just get the house by default! All of the other siblings went away to college, returned home for a while. Got jobs, met some one, married and bought homes.
He stayed home. His parents made noises about wanting him out while his wife popped out three children. Now my Aunt and Uncle have passed on, and they live in the house.
You're part in this drama of dysfunction, should you choose to accept it; is that of "the good, complaining sister". The sane and rational one who knows that there is something wrong but is not heard or listened to. Your part is to stand around and feel superior, because after all; you would never let this go on in your house. And you would never marry a guy like your brother-in-law, and you would never take advantage of your parents the way your sister does.
And my guess is that you would not.
However, I hope that you do not accept your role in this dysfunctional drama. You are twenty one years old. Move out.
Otherwise, I predict that you will be sucked into this. Your parents will let you live there "Forever" too. Do you want that?
It is not worth the energy and stress. Move out and see them on holidays. Do what is best for yourself.
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