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On one hand, I think it's weird that they don't pay for your dinner but in theory I realize that there's nothing really wrong with them not paying for your dinner. I'm just saying that because as a parent of grown kids who have young families, one of the pleasures of my life is being able to treat their families to dinner out, as often as I can and CERTAINLY when I am visiting them. If I have enough money to be on vacation, I certainly have enough money to spring for a dinner out that was my idea to begin with. Heck, I even hate for my own kids to cook for me and not allow me to bring anything, buy any groceries, or help them out. They are all self sufficient but it's nice to give them a break when I know that financially they are just starting to get their bearings.
That being said, technically your wife's parents are not doing anything really WRONG - just a bit thoughtless most likely. If you truly can't afford to foot the bill, your wife needs to tell them that. Otherwise, I'd say just go with the flow. After all, it doesn't sound like this is a situation that happens all that often. If that's the case, it's not worth making a big stink with your in laws over it.
But I would offer them a terrific home cooked meal instead. Just see what they say.
This is a tough one really, the way I see it IF you agree to go out for supper you are not going to enjoy yourself and their company because you will be thinking about "all the extra wad of money that is not budgeted that you are spending". We all know that MONEY is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than spending time with one's family whom you do not see very often.
The other side is IF your Wife's parents agree to stay in for supper YOUR WIFE will not enjoy herself because she will have been cooking for a while, then serve, then entertain while eating, then clean up and she will be thinking "we COULD have gone out to supper but nnnnnnnnooooooooo HE did NOT want to spend a wee bit of unbudgeted money so here I am doing all the work and not being able to visit with my parents whom I DO NOT SEE OFTEN."
Your choice which is the less drama inducing of the two evils.
I think the inlaws know he's a tightwad and know what it takes to get him riled. They know if they offered to pay he would be there to get his meal, cocktail, desert, and appetizer. The wads of cash and better food at home shows he is cheap.
I did not see anything about just starting out or young children. They can be 80's and 50's for all we know.
can't help but wonder what would be said if this was about HIS parents.
Me too, but I do admire people who stick to a budget. I don't think visitors should be able to sway personal finance comfort levels, as long as alternatives are offered.
Me too, but I do admire people who stick to a budget. I don't think visitors should be able to sway personal finance comfort levels, as long as alternatives are offered.
The OP stated that they DO go out to eat. They could go now and not another time.
can't help but wonder what would be said if this was about HIS parents.
My parents don't go out to eat. We eat at home, always have, always will. The exception is when we're on vacation. Growing up, I probably went out to eat less than a dozen times excluding when we were on vacation.
When they visit us, my mother will often fix dinner for all of us. She'd rather do that than go out to eat. Her choice, not mine.
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I don't think visitors should be able to sway personal finance comfort levels
I think this is the bigger thing for me. I don't feel comfortable that our budgets get exceeded when we have visitors in town, nor do I have much comfort with my inlaws (or my parents0 dictating how much we'll spend of our money and where.
Last summer when the inlaws were here we were eating out every night for several nights in a row, and oftentimes at expensive restaurants. That was followed by aquarium and museum admission fees. They felt flush that trip, and we needed to be flush to in order to keep up. In other years, they've not have a lot of discretionary spending money, so they've wanted us to cook for them so they can spend less those trips and only wanted free entertainment - no admission fees.
I think I feel a little taken for a ride - when they have money, we're expected to spend, too. When they don't have a lot of discretionary spending, we should provide at home entertainment so they don't have to spend money. But none of this is ever told until the moment the inlaws arrive, so we never know what to expect. It's makes it a little challenging to buget and plan, and not feel like we're getting taken for a ride.
Why do you budget so closely that you can't come up with a couple hundred for out of the ordinary occasions? You must be living way beyond your means.
You keep forgetting that they are your wife's parents! I don't care that your parents have some strange idea about what a nice evening is. Except for people on special diets I don't know anyone that doesn't like to go out to eat. You can try to spin this anyway you want but you are wrong!
My parents don't go out to eat. We eat at home, always have, always will. The exception is when we're on vacation. Growing up, I probably went out to eat less than a dozen times excluding when we were on vacation.
When they visit us, my mother will often fix dinner for all of us. She'd rather do that than go out to eat. Her choice, not mine.
I think this is the bigger thing for me. I don't feel comfortable that our budgets get exceeded when we have visitors in town, nor do I have much comfort with my inlaws (or my parents0 dictating how much we'll spend of our money and where.
Last summer when the inlaws were here we were eating out every night for several nights in a row, and oftentimes at expensive restaurants. That was followed by aquarium and museum admission fees. They felt flush that trip, and we needed to be flush to in order to keep up. In other years, they've not have a lot of discretionary spending money, so they've wanted us to cook for them so they can spend less those trips and only wanted free entertainment - no admission fees.
I think I feel a little taken for a ride - when they have money, we're expected to spend, too. When they don't have a lot of discretionary spending, we should provide at home entertainment so they don't have to spend money. But none of this is ever told until the moment the inlaws arrive, so we never know what to expect. It's makes it a little challenging to buget and plan, and not feel like we're getting taken for a ride.
Get over it. Unless you are absolutely destitute and think you will die before you can pay off the ENORMOUS sum it will cost to go out to dinner with your inlaws, just do it. And even if you die before you repay yourself probably what will be less than $100, who cares?
There are times to stick to a budget and there are times to remove the stick from your derrière.
Why do you budget so closely that you can't come up with a couple hundred for out of the ordinary occasions? You must be living way beyond your means.
You keep forgetting that they are your wife's parents! I don't care that your parents have some strange idea about what a nice evening is. Except for people on special diets I don't know anyone that doesn't like to go out to eat. You can try to spin this anyway you want but you are wrong!
Or perhaps, he's living within his means, and his means allow for infrequent meals out.
We don't like to go out to eat either, I don't think it's that uncommon. We especially don't like to go out with guests. I find a relaxing evening at home with good food and wine to be much more enjoyable, and allows for more of a chance to catch up.
But, I do agree, since it is his wife's parents, she gets the deciding vote here.
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