Wedding Invitation Slight (wife, husband, person, sister)

[dmills]

My son is getting married in a couple weeks. He and his fiancé are financing the wedding on their own, and are doing it on a budget (although we did give them a small amount to help offset costs). He and his fiancé invited about 100 guests of their choosing. One of my wife's (who is not my son's mother) relatives asked repeatedly if thy were invited to the point where my wife finally asked my son. He sad they "totally forgot about her side of the family." He apologized and said that any of them who wanted to come were invited. It should be noted that he has had no relationship with anyone on my wife's side of the family for over a decade, although they knew him growing up. Was there an obligation on his (or our) part to make sue they were invited?

[leadingedge04]

No. He hasn't seen them since he was a kid. Pretty disrespectful on the wife's relative. Take a hint!

[Mae Maes Garden]

Funny story...we got married 15 years ago. I did not invite the entire church congregation to our wedding because I think it is silly to put an announcement on a bulletin board and frankly, the reception budget barely covered family and close friends. Fast forward to late last year...I was visiting my former parish ( I moved out of state after the wedding) and one of the parishioners made a comment reminding me that I had not invited him and his wife to my wedding. Huh? I imagine the look on my face was priceless! I could not believe that a man would bring this up after all of these years! A woman...maybe. Sheesh! I did not reply...I just moved on.

Mae

[magicshark]

Something very similar happened to me last Autumn. My stepdaughter announced that she was getting married before her now husband deployed. We paid for the wedding but the budget was tight. They invited a few from my family but only the ones she was still close to. I have not talked to my mother or sister in over five years. I heard through the grapevine that they were very mad that they weren't invited!! So now they want nothing to do with us! Ummm they already had nothing to do with us.
Any who I think it's very rude and a little odd when people expect to be invited with no true relationship to the couple. Weddings are expensive you would think people would understand this.

[Mnseca]

Originally Posted by dmills

My son is getting married in a couple weeks. He and his fiancé are financing the wedding on their own, and are doing it on a budget (although we did give them a small amount to help offset costs). He and his fiancé invited about 100 guests of their choosing. One of my wife's (who is not my son's mother) relatives asked repeatedly if thy were invited to the point where my wife finally asked my son. He sad they "totally forgot about her side of the family." He apologized and said that any of them who wanted to come were invited. It should be noted that he has had no relationship with anyone on my wife's side of the family for over a decade, although they knew him growing up. Was there an obligation on his (or our) part to make sue they were invited?

Maybe on your part, if it was important. Not his fault for forgetting them, if he barely knows them. I think it's generous that he said anyone who wanted could come.

[carnivalday]

You already said they were on a budget. With a wedding, you have to draw the line somewhere, otherwise you'll end up with everyone you've ever known or said hi to...and their dog.

Read your post, you answered your own question. Actually, it was nice of him to invite them as an afterthought.

[Cantabridgienne]

It's very strange that people who have not have a meaningful relationship with the couple in decades would want to go, much less expect to do so.

[artillery77]

Weddings are tough. They take a lot of time, money and planning. It sounds like the OP's child is marrying late, and I married late, but had lived approximately 18 years in South Dakota, 11 years in Chicago and 5 in California by that point. My wife was split between Saigon and San Jose, but most of her family wasn't going. Our friends and family were scattered, and nobody has enough time to keep up on all fronts, so it was tough to know who was going to go.

We chose Chicago. The rehearsal dinner was held on a cruise ship, the hotel we chose continuously didn't give the agreed upon rate to our invites, but we had trolleys move the group around from place to place for the day. Basically each guest was going to cost us a fair amount of cash even just variably, so for self funded, yeah, it's an investment in who you want to enjoy your day with.

Getting phone numbers and commitments took time, and at that point we were both working 6 days a week for at least 10 hours. Thank God my sister jumped in for us and my mother had phone numbers for the family. There were others that, had I had more time, information, I would have invited, but you reach a point where you just need to move forward and finalize numbers.

The lone regret I have is one of the bridesmaids that came from my side tried very hard to make the event about her. Her impact was a stain on an otherwise awesome weekend. Don't let your wife be that person for the couple. Ask her to swallow the jagged pill as a wedding gift and maybe a her family can get together under a separate affair with the happy couple.

[the minx]

The couple isn't obligated to invite anyone, including the family of people who helped pay. Their wedding = their choice.

It was rude of the uninvited party to pester your wife about a possible invitation. I think that's the misstep that should be addressed.

[2002 Subaru]

The only weddings I want to get invited to are close family.