Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If they are relatives, or true friends, then I don't need an apology. Being right isn't always worth it.
Sounds codependent to me.
If someone's actions or behaviors hurt me, I tell them. If they don't apologize or express regret for hurting me, then I know where I stand with them, which is that they do not care about my feelings, respect me as a person, or give a crap about anyone but themselves. Love is forgiveness, sure, but it is also a willingness to admit when you are wrong and apologize for it. Love is also a two-way street.
So to answer the OP's question, yes, I have known people who refuse to apologize. I am not saying that every time someone hurts me that they need to rearrange their lives for it. But if they cannot acknowledge that what they did affected someone else, they are too self-absorbed and selfish for my tastes, and I got rid of them. This includes first-degree relatives. Blood relations are an accident of DNA and circumstance. It takes more than that to be family to me.
Why would you die for your mother? You would hurt yourself figuratively,to do whatever your mom wanted, when a simple plan could be set in place? I would rather put a plan into place that benefited both of us. My mother would not want me to sacrifice my life to help her if it could be avoided. That way we are both happy, and she would still get everything she needed.
obviously I meant that I would do anything for my mother apparently some of you dont feel the same way . Anything my mother needs I would be there . Do you wonder why ? because she gave birth to me and she took care of me when I was young and she might need some help at some time and I will be there regardless if it is a 4 hr trip or whatever . Some of you need a dose of compassion something else missing in the genes I guess .
TO me the ability to recognize mistakes and apologize for them is one of the biggest signs of maturity. Look at the people you know and you can pretty much separate those who can from those who cannot.
I did not have this ability when I got married. Over time I realized it was one of the things I hated most about my husband, which forced me to recognize it in myself. I basically had to force my self to own up to my mistakes (big and small) and then learn to apologize. It was really hard at first, and sometimes I was just going through the motions, but after a while I was able to really consider how my mistakes had hurt others and to feel and express genuine remorse. The whole process helped me put my priorities in order and to be more forgiving of MYSELF. Turns out that shame is not what I felt when I did something wrong. it is something I felt when I couldn't right those wrongs, regardless of how small.
I'm not a bad person and I don't regularly go around hurting people. But I'm really glad I'm able to role model this process for my kids because my mom never did, and their dad still cannot. At age 13 and 16 my kids still can't do it.
I would agree that you don't generally need people in your life who can't apologize. Help those family members you can't distance yourself from by modeling what you want from them.
I think the ability and willingness to give an apology is the sign of an emotionally-mature adult. Not being able to give one is a sure-fire sign of self-centeredness and, ultimately, weakness.
And for all of you who say, "Well, I don't really need an apology," that's awfully big of you. But it's also not the point. What's more, it's not likely even honest. Because if someone does you a serious wrong and never acknowledges having done so, chances are pretty good that you'll wind up resenting that person. And kind words or feeble gestures don't really address the matter. That's not regret, that's bribery. Even worse than no apology is the half-hearted apology that goes like this: "I'm sorry I did this to you, but...." The moment the word 'but' enters into an apology it becomes a rationalization for bad behavior.
A heartfelt apology is an implicit recognition that one has done something wrong and intends to do better in the future. It is the equivalent of a Reset button for the relationship. It restores trust and assures its recipient that the relationship is not a one-way one, but rather one where the feelings of both parties are valued.
Hey, there are times when I have done or said really stupid and boneheaded things, sometimes by accident and sometimes in the heat of the moment. It's never easy to apologize for one's actions. But I've never seen a situation where doing so didn't improve matters a great deal.
I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through this . I have a few friends and some relatives who refuse to apologize for anything wrong they do and Im tired of it . I have all but cut them out of my life but for obvious reasons have to keep on good terms with family members . I just hate the fact that they never apologize it drives me nuts . How about the rest of you ?
I have had dealings with such people and it really depends on how close a relative or friend they are and what exactly they did wrong.
For me, it doesn't matter so much when people refuse to apologize-- this has happened to me so much that I've been desensitized to it. Some may say I'm a bit jaded
What does throw me for a loop is when people try to re-write history to erase any wrongdoing they did when you know they know they're wrong. Bonus points when they try to throw manipulation in there to try to make you the one who owes the apology. That makes me all kinds of crazy
I have one sister who does this all the time - to everyone. There are six siblings in our family and we will all say something happened "this way" but she will insist that it happened "her way" and refuse to acknowledge any wrong she did, so of course no apology is needed. And she does crappy things all the time. I restrict my time with her to a minimum. The best you will ever get is something like, "Well, I would never do anything like that but if you think I did then I am sorry you feel that way." Crazy-making!
If you cut someone out of your life there is no reason to "keep on good terms" just because of other family members.
You truly have not cut them out of your life then.
I see no reason to include anyone in my life that I don't want there and I don't care what other family members think about it.
Yup.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
