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you would have to really come to grips with your stuff before you would apologize to anybody about anything.
most are in denial and only occasionally come to grips with their own stuff, this causes them mega anxiety.
very few in this day and age look hard in the mirror ever.
obviously I meant that I would do anything for my mother apparently some of you dont feel the same way . Anything my mother needs I would be there . Do you wonder why ? because she gave birth to me and she took care of me when I was young and she might need some help at some time and I will be there regardless if it is a 4 hr trip or whatever . Some of you need a dose of compassion something else missing in the genes I guess .
This is really dramatic. Anything? Even if you have surgery scheduled, someone died or whatever?
There needs to be balance. If you aren't balanced, you can't demand others be the same way.
Anyone can get knocked up, fewer can actually be a Mother
I would be there for my mom for most things, but of course I could never say all of them.
I guess that I would have to go back and rehash all of that(its in a previous post), more people were supportive than they are here. I suffered for a very debilitating condition where it was hard for me to get around. Walking hurt, bending hurt, standing hurt..just about everything, but sitting(until I got up) I was in pain EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now, this relative wanted me to take off a whole entire week from work, not only would I have missed those day,s but the loss of salary just would not make up for it. I would have been enormously behind. I worked in a job where I could sit down so going to work was not such a big deal, but I couldn't go 5 days, and you can't compare 5 days where I make 160 dollars a day to one day of college. Basically, I was in pain for almost 3 yrs and the surgery would have fixed all of that. I mean why would someone let a relative suffer? Family is supposed to be there for you. I shouldn't have to depend on friends and my own chiropractor to take me to the hosptial
Geez, BS, reality bites, and your insisting on holding a grudge hurts no one but you. Why should this relative be obligated to take you for surgery just because you share some genes?? I am probably older than you, but I have had to suck up the fact that my few relatives (sibs) don't even speak to each other - or me - let alone feel the need to upend their schedules for my convenience. Yours may not even know you have this unreasonable expectation of them. I have had to go through 11 surgeries now, none of which permitted me to return to work as soon as a week. And though most times I've been able to get a friend to pick me up, no one has ever taken me to the hospital, and several times I've had to hire medical transport vans (the kind where the driver will also come inside, sign me out and then help me into my house) to pick me up. So accept the idea that you might have to do the same if you should need surgery in the future. You keep saying that "you aren't saying anyone's obligated" to do this favor for you, but you are. If you didn't think your relative had an obligation, then you'd have no reason to feel aggrieved. You're going to have a tough life if you continue to hold unfounded grudges like this one.
Geez, BS, reality bites, and your insisting on holding a grudge hurts no one but you. Why should this relative be obligated to take you for surgery just because you share some genes?? I am probably older than you, but I have had to suck up the fact that my few relatives (sibs) don't even speak to each other - or me - let alone feel the need to upend their schedules for my convenience. Yours may not even know you have this unreasonable expectation of them. I have had to go through 11 surgeries now, none of which permitted me to return to work as soon as a week. And though most times I've been able to get a friend to pick me up, no one has ever taken me to the hospital, and several times I've had to hire medical transport vans (the kind where the driver will also come inside, sign me out and then help me into my house) to pick me up. So accept the idea that you might have to do the same if you should need surgery in the future. You keep saying that "you aren't saying anyone's obligated" to do this favor for you, but you are. If you didn't think your relative had an obligation, then you'd have no reason to feel aggrieved. You're going to have a tough life if you continue to hold unfounded grudges like this one.
Some of us have a thicker skin more then others. Imo, it's nice if a person can go to family members when they are both going through tough times and celebrating the good time as well. Many families are there for each other and that is what we should strive for, isn't it? Is it holding a grudge or just making a statement? I think the latter.
My ex-inlaws are the most effed up family i have ever met, and they also refuse to apologize even when they ought to. its just another evidence of how effed up they are.. comes with their effed up territory.
I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through this . I have a few friends and some relatives who refuse to apologize for anything wrong they do and Im tired of it . I have all but cut them out of my life but for obvious reasons have to keep on good terms with family members . I just hate the fact that they never apologize it drives me nuts . How about the rest of you ?
I have. But I agree with the other person who said you don't have to keep anyone in your life that you don't want to. As far as I am concerned, family is the first to hit the curb when they betray me. I hold them to a higher standard BECAUSE they're family. They should be the last to betray me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
If they are relatives, or true friends, then I don't need an apology. Being right isn't always worth it.
Anyone who truly cares about you SHOULD apologize; family, "true friends", anyone you allow into your inner circle. And if you respect yourself, you should expect this from them. It's not about being right. It's about holding people accountable and about their valuing you; being truly remorseful and atoning for their bad behavior, as any truly decent person would. Your choice, but when you expect nothing, you can count on getting just that.
Some of us have a thicker skin more then others. Imo, it's nice if a person can go to family members when they are both going through tough times and celebrating the good time as well. Many families are there for each other and that is what we should strive for, isn't it? Is it holding a grudge or just making a statement? I think the latter.
I totally agree with your point, PLL, and god knows I wish I had loving siblings, but I don't, and so it just seems like beating a dead horse to have any expectations for them. And to keep expecting different behavior from them and actively resenting it when their behavior never changes really does seem like holding a grudge to me. Do I like the state of our relationships? Of course not, but there's no point in getting tied up in knots about it, because that's not good for my own mental health. I do what I feel is right in order to be the person I want to be -- so I do congratulate and if appropriate, commiserate with them. When my parents were still living but in decline, we had to work together to some extent to ensure that my parents got the care they needed, so I divided the work with my sibs, and was always cordial and polite because that was how I was able to make the best of a very stressful situation. And I am kind to their children, who quite enjoy having an aunt who pays attention to them and have none of the baggage we grew up with. Moreover, I never make negative comments to my nieces and nephews about my siblings. But I have accepted the fact that I'm on my own, and I don't waste time expecting apologies that I'm never going to get. That would require more insight and self-awareness than either of my siblings has, and that's just the way it is.
There are always people who think they are in the right, no matter what
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Grow up, Blackscorpion
