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Well clearly this guy has $hit for brains, is deficient on many levels, and you need to stay away from him for your own safety and peace of mind.
I think racism is a mental illness and like other posters have said, he's probably not going to change. What a disappointment for you; this guy is not worthy to be your friend.
It doesn't matter what you say to him because he's an intellectual and social moron. Say whatever makes you feel good, just don't ever trust him again or get in circumstances where violence is possible.
My only brother is like this; IMHO, it's a sign of profound stupidity.
Wait, did a white boy say the N word to you? Next time you see him say I like you too, you are not the typical ......
Nah he actually used the word "negro" not the N word. Which is what really threw me off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cocaseco
I just had the same thing happen. A guy I've known for 10 years told me blacks were not capable of the same intellectual achievements as whites. I was shocked and called him a racists. he of course argued, but i was relentless in repeating it, hoping he would just say it, but he didnt. Anyway, while I am completely opposite of him on this issue, we will still be friends. If hes not acting on it, to me its no different than if he believes in Jesus and i dont or visa versa. Its a different philosophy on life, but its only one area.
I see what you're saying but I feel like there's a difference between not liking someone for something they can't control (skin color in this case) and not believing in a certain faith.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sade693
I dealt with a nearly identical situation, except I was in eighth grade at the time.
All you can do is not be friends with the guy. There's no changing a person's mind because a change in heart is something that a person has to spur on their own for it to be effectual.
It's a sucky situation though, isn't it? Post-racial society, my a**.
Yeah and he's from NY. Thought all us northerners were supposed to be less racist. I come down to Atlanta and haven't had too many racial experiences thus far
Quote:
Originally Posted by CFoulke
Wow....I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. I'm also kind of surprised that in 3 years this is the first time something like this has come up or given you any kind of a clue as to what kind of a jerk this man is. Personally, now that you know how he really is, I don't see how any amount of explaining or apologizing is going to make the situation revert to what it was before this blew up in your face. I guess if it were me, I would let things just kind of hang until he contacts you again (you know he will - eventually when HE thinks YOU have come to YOUR senses) and when that moment comes, I would very calmly and maturely tell him that I was offended and hurt to a level that he will never understand, and that I cannot and will not choose to remain on friendly terms with someone who is so ignorant and cares so little about my feelings and that I do not care to remain friends based on what I perceive to be his lack of respect and I would wish him well and move on. Explain that nothing will erase the memory of those words and that it will always just be hanging there - it won't ever go away. No arguing, no name calling, no screaming or yelling, just tell it like it is, and go. As for his family - wait a while and see if any of them contact you. It's a given that he will eventually tell them his side of what happened. How they process that, or what they make of it is an unknown at this time. Hopefully they are sane and at least some of them will still want to maintain a relationship with you based on you as a human being with nothing racist attached to it. Maybe you can talk to them about the situation, maybe not. Maybe you'll feel differently in time, but I think this would be a tough one to overlook, personally. However you handle it - don't do anything to make yourself look bad, no punching, etc. Be the bigger man and always take the high road. I am so sorry that in this day and age you and others are still dealing with this kind of crap. Wishing you the best in whatever decision you make.
Really appreciate your words. Thanks for the best wishes
Quote:
Originally Posted by ggumbo
Am I the only one who thinks that his family may be "closet racists"?
Like OP's friend, they could also hold the same beliefs but maybe they just never say it out loud in front of OP. I don't believe racism just pops up in someone's brain. I think it's most likely learned through family. Maybe he heard his dad saying similar things?
That's how I feel too. I just can't imagine any of them saying anything racist towards me or anyone else. That's why it's so mindboggling to me that he'd even mention it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Black guy here.
Say, "I'm sorry. In good conscience I cannot continue a friendship with you knowing that you hold very small-minded views on a segment of human beings. I am a believer that content of character is what a person should be judged on and not skin color. Your content of character is spoiled with your racism and until that is corrected, I cannot be your friend and look myself in the mirror every morning."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarahsez
I think you re over-reacting. Your friend may not be perfect. He has his flaws. He sees something special in you that has allowed a friendship. I don't agree with all of my friends on various political or social subjects either. We have enough things in common that allow us to share a bond. You friend may feel the way he does, but he obviously he doesn't allow it to keep him from being your friend. He thought enough of you to tell you the truth even though it may have been something you didn't want to hear. I think I would give him another chance.
Back the F up. Did you just say I'm the one over reacting? Get the hell outta here. Of course no one is perfect and everyone has flaws. If he's willing to hate people for their skin color now then what's to stop him from doing the same thing to me when we have an argument sometime down the road?
Yeah; sounds like something nasty lurking under the surface of that friendship veneer. Racism is a deal-breaker for me; I simply would choose not to spend time with this individual and may or may not tell him why.
I would start to sever my ties with him. I was married to a very racist man and so was his family. I was brought up in an evironment that looks at who the person is NOT what color they are or sexual oritentation. I also dated someone recently that was racist and we didn't last either. People can have thier opinions and I will respect it...but don't tell me that my thoughts are feelings need to be changed to think like them.
This is not just a matter of good manners; there's something inherently wrong with someone in the aesthetic and empathy parts of their brains. Kind of like talking to a chimpanzee. Sorry, but it pisses me off. That, actually, is an insult to chimpanzees.
I wonder though; could it be possible that he is jealous of you for some reason. Have you recently had some success in some area, and shared it with him? People are strikingly resentful, if only subconsciously--you have to be AWARE to recognize this in yourself at a conscious level--of anyone, especially a friend sometimes (!).
I recently made six thousand dollars on the sale of an instrument (a bass), in one day, and I told two or three people, 'cause I was so pleased and I didn't have anyone to tell--and I felt that they liked me LESS after that. Such is the crappy nature of human character. Same thing with books I've published, degrees I've finished, etc.: IT DOES NOT CAUSE PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU MORE---quite the contrary!
This is not just a matter of good manners; there's something inherently wrong with someone in the aesthetic and empathy parts of their brains. Kind of like talking to a chimpanzee. Sorry, but it pisses me off. That, actually, is an insult to chimpanzees.
I wonder though; could it be possible that he is jealous of you for some reason. Have you recently had some success in some area, and shared it with him? People are strikingly resentful, if only subconsciously--you have to be AWARE to recognize this in yourself at a conscious level--of anyone, especially a friend sometimes (!).
I recently made six thousand dollars on the sale of an instrument (a bass), in one day, and I told two or three people, 'cause I was so pleased and I didn't have anyone to tell--and I felt that they liked me LESS after that. Such is the crappy nature of human character. Same thing with books I've published, degrees I've finished, etc.: IT DOES NOT CAUSE PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU MORE---quite the contrary!
I love everything about this post.
I always wonder why people post big accomplishments on facebook, it's like they're screaming "LOOK WHAT I DID! LIKE ME LESS AND LESS!"
And I agree that humans are pretty resentful to people who have accomplished things. I know I get jealous of my friends who have good jobs or had big successes lately, sometimes I do get resentful but I guess at least I'm aware enough of myself to recognize it and keep it in check.
Threads like this are the reason why IMO people should stick to associating with people who look like them. I have a friend who is as pale as Casper, I advised her to go tanning coz she was looking a fool. I'm as pale as her without a tan & of course she did not take offence to it. But I have had issues where I adviced a friend who is another race to go do something about their hair. Fastforward, they call me racist!
So, I think to be safe, people should stick to their own OTHERWISE ISH LIKE THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!
And you're black/Puerto Rican? Women LOVE that--especially big (by that I mean, TALL) white girls like me. Think Bruno Mars. I have always been attracted to Latin men. It might be that he is jealous of you for having more luck with women??? Or (oh Lord) he's attracted to you, himself, and frustrated and angry about it.
You never know. But there was no earthly reason for him to say such a stupid thing to you.
He sounds dangerous to me; avoid him like the plague.
Threads like this are the reason why IMO people should stick to associating with people who look like them. I have a friend who is as pale as Casper, I advised her to go tanning coz she was looking a fool. I'm as pale as her without a tan & of course she did not take offence to it. But I have had issues where I adviced a friend who is another race to go do something about their hair. Fastforward, they call me racist!
So, I think to be safe, people should stick to their own OTHERWISE ISH LIKE THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!
No. I don't think so. You should associate with people based on their characters, talent, sense of humor or other qualities. Race has nothing to do wit it.
So you ask for people's opinion and then react like that when someone shares an opinion you don't like.
You are half black and Puerto Rican. You two are good friends for three years. I don't know many racists that are friends with the race they hate. I'd say this is anything but a racist. He doesn't like certain behaviors, in this case, the behavior so often associated with the black thug ghetto culture. But he obviously is able to judge individuals as individuals and not dislike or treat differently individuals just bc they belong to a certain group.
And your little comment that you wouldn't be surprised if his whole family is closet racists bc of what your friend said....well that's exactly what you are accusing your friend of. Having preconceived notions of an individual just bc they belong to a certain group that has displayed actions / behaviors you don't like.
But let me guess....I should back the f up, as I'm sure you won't like my view either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by myspoonistoobig
Nah he actually used the word "negro" not the N word. Which is what really threw me off.
I see what you're saying but I feel like there's a difference between not liking someone for something they can't control (skin color in this case) and not believing in a certain faith.
Yeah and he's from NY. Thought all us northerners were supposed to be less racist. I come down to Atlanta and haven't had too many racial experiences thus far
Really appreciate your words. Thanks for the best wishes
That's how I feel too. I just can't imagine any of them saying anything racist towards me or anyone else. That's why it's so mindboggling to me that he'd even mention it.
Back the F up. Did you just say I'm the one over reacting? Get the hell outta here. Of course no one is perfect and everyone has flaws. If he's willing to hate people for their skin color now then what's to stop him from doing the same thing to me when we have an argument sometime down the road?
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