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I just had the same thing happen. A guy I've known for 10 years told me blacks were not capable of the same intellectual achievements as whites. I was shocked and called him a racists. he of course argued, but i was relentless in repeating it, hoping he would just say it, but he didnt. Anyway, while I am completely opposite of him on this issue, we will still be friends. If hes not acting on it, to me its no different than if he believes in Jesus and i dont or visa versa. Its a different philosophy on life, but its only one area.
I dealt with a nearly identical situation, except I was in eighth grade at the time.
All you can do is not be friends with the guy. There's no changing a person's mind because a change in heart is something that a person has to spur on their own for it to be effectual.
It's a sucky situation though, isn't it? Post-racial society, my a**.
Wow....I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. I'm also kind of surprised that in 3 years this is the first time something like this has come up or given you any kind of a clue as to what kind of a jerk this man is. Personally, now that you know how he really is, I don't see how any amount of explaining or apologizing is going to make the situation revert to what it was before this blew up in your face. I guess if it were me, I would let things just kind of hang until he contacts you again (you know he will - eventually when HE thinks YOU have come to YOUR senses) and when that moment comes, I would very calmly and maturely tell him that I was offended and hurt to a level that he will never understand, and that I cannot and will not choose to remain on friendly terms with someone who is so ignorant and cares so little about my feelings and that I do not care to remain friends based on what I perceive to be his lack of respect and I would wish him well and move on. Explain that nothing will erase the memory of those words and that it will always just be hanging there - it won't ever go away. No arguing, no name calling, no screaming or yelling, just tell it like it is, and go. As for his family - wait a while and see if any of them contact you. It's a given that he will eventually tell them his side of what happened. How they process that, or what they make of it is an unknown at this time. Hopefully they are sane and at least some of them will still want to maintain a relationship with you based on you as a human being with nothing racist attached to it. Maybe you can talk to them about the situation, maybe not. Maybe you'll feel differently in time, but I think this would be a tough one to overlook, personally. However you handle it - don't do anything to make yourself look bad, no punching, etc. Be the bigger man and always take the high road. I am so sorry that in this day and age you and others are still dealing with this kind of crap. Wishing you the best in whatever decision you make.
Am I the only one who thinks that his family may be "closet racists"?
Like OP's friend, they could also hold the same beliefs but maybe they just never say it out loud in front of OP. I don't believe racism just pops up in someone's brain. I think it's most likely learned through family. Maybe he heard his dad saying similar things?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by myspoonistoobig
I've been very good friends with a guy I've known for about three years. We're bros. I just got off the phone with him and he explained that he doesn't agree with interracial dating/marriage. I was not expecting anything like that to come from him. He's white and I am black Puerto Rican. I asked him to explain further and he said mixing cultures is not a good thing. I wanted to punch him in the face through the phone.
Then I asked him how he can like me as a friend if I'm technically mixed. He said because I don't act like a "typical negro". I had to hang up the phone at that point. I am completely in disbelief that he could say that to me.
Thing is, I'm close to his whole family. I just never knew they were racist. How do I tell him to politely shove it up his ass?
Black guy here.
Say, "I'm sorry. In good conscience I cannot continue a friendship with you knowing that you hold very small-minded views on a segment of human beings. I am a believer that content of character is what a person should be judged on and not skin color. Your content of character is spoiled with your racism and until that is corrected, I cannot be your friend and look myself in the mirror every morning."
I just had the same thing happen. A guy I've known for 10 years told me blacks were not capable of the same intellectual achievements as whites. I was shocked and called him a racists. he of course argued, but i was relentless in repeating it, hoping he would just say it, but he didnt. Anyway, while I am completely opposite of him on this issue, we will still be friends. If hes not acting on it, to me its no different than if he believes in Jesus and i dont or visa versa. Its a different philosophy on life, but its only one area.
...and one of the most important areas in life. I could never continue a friendship under these circumstances.
I think you re over-reacting. Your friend may not be perfect. He has his flaws. He sees something special in you that has allowed a friendship. I don't agree with all of my friends on various political or social subjects either. We have enough things in common that allow us to share a bond. You friend may feel the way he does, but he obviously he doesn't allow it to keep him from being your friend. He thought enough of you to tell you the truth even though it may have been something you didn't want to hear. I think I would give him another chance.
Say, "I'm sorry. In good conscience I cannot continue a friendship with you knowing that you hold very small-minded views on a segment of human beings. I am a believer that content of character is what a person should be judged on and not skin color. Your content of character is spoiled with your racism and until that is corrected, I cannot be your friend and look myself in the mirror every morning."
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