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Over Christmas I saw some relatives I hadn't seen in a decade. One relative, who is in her 70s, kept asking me the nosiest questions about things that I did not want to share, certainly with an entire group of people staring at me --- questions about my financial status, or a my personal life.
A few times I was able to divert the questions, and I resorted to "If I told you I'd have to kill you." (which she should have understood given that her son was in the military!) And then I responded, "Well that's nobody's business...(hint hint.) But she kept asking these privacy-invading questions.
Has anyone come up with a good, polite way to deflect questions like this without being rude? Otherwise I like this lady and I wouldn't want to alienate any of my relatives.
Over Christmas I saw some relatives I hadn't seen in a decade. One relative, who is in her 70s, kept asking me the nosiest questions about things that I did not want to share, certainly with an entire group of people staring at me --- questions about my financial status, or a my personal life.
A few times I was able to divert the questions, and I resorted to "If I told you I'd have to kill you." (which she should have understood given that her son was in the military!) And then I responded, "Well that's nobody's business...(hint hint.) But she kept asking these privacy-invading questions.
Has anyone come up with a good, polite way to deflect questions like this without being rude? Otherwise I like this lady and I wouldn't want to alienate any of my relatives.
Is she a relative? A simple smile and a "It's all good, nothing for you to worry about grandma (or Aunt Jane)." And go about your business, leave the room or turn to another person and immediately ask them a question about some fluff, "So, did you get the car you wanted Uncle Chuck?"
This has always been the most polite and effective way to get someone to stop harping questions at you and quickly change the topic off of you, or in a way ignoring what they are saying by not pausing between what you say to them, "It's all good" "So, did you get the car you wanted, Uncle Chuck?"
Things like, "it's nobody's business" is putting you in a defensive position and will only invite more of the same. Give as little detail as possible and that you are not bothered. My mother had a saying she used sometimes, "Less said, best said."
Ah, nothing says "Merry Christmas!" like overly invasive personal questions from relatives you barely see. I have some experience here myself.
It depends on the question. If it's a question I feel comfortable sharing a general answer without going into specifics, I share what I feel comfortable with sharing then immediately (before additional probing questions are asked), either ask them a question of my own or excuse myself to the restroom/freshen my drink/go scream into a pillow, whatever seems appropriate for the situation.
If it's a question I don't even feel comfortable sharing a general/vague answer, I smile, laugh a little and say "Oh, I don't think this is the time to get into all of that boring stuff about me!" then go back to my diversion as shared above.
MOST people understand these cues for what they are. However, there always is that one relative who just doesn't get it. I have had to answer directly, but politely, "I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable discussing that right now, but everything's fine." and then I try to bring up a new topic.
Tell her everything is the way you like it and change the topic or go get something to snack on or drink. Ask her if she would like a refill on whatever she is drinking, can you get her dessert or ask her about a favorite dish that she used to prepare and could you get the recipe.
Is she a relative? A simple smile and a "It's all good, nothing for you to worry about grandma (or Aunt Jane)." And go about your business, leave the room or turn to another person and immediately ask them a question about some fluff, "So, did you get the car you wanted Uncle Chuck?"
This has always been the most polite and effective way to get someone to stop harping questions at you and quickly change the topic off of you, or in a way ignoring what they are saying by not pausing between what you say to them, "It's all good" "So, did you get the car you wanted, Uncle Chuck?"
Things like, "it's nobody's business" is putting you in a defensive position and will only invite more of the same. Give as little detail as possible and that you are not bothered. My mother had a saying she used sometimes, "Less said, best said."
Ah, nothing says "Merry Christmas!" like overly invasive personal questions from relatives you barely see. I have some experience here myself.
It depends on the question. If it's a question I feel comfortable sharing a general answer without going into specifics, I share what I feel comfortable with sharing then immediately (before additional probing questions are asked), either ask them a question of my own or excuse myself to the restroom/freshen my drink/go scream into a pillow, whatever seems appropriate for the situation.
If it's a question I don't even feel comfortable sharing a general/vague answer, I smile, laugh a little and say "Oh, I don't think this is the time to get into all of that boring stuff about me!" then go back to my diversion as shared above.
MOST people understand these cues for what they are. However, there always is that one relative who just doesn't get it. I have had to answer directly, but politely, "I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable discussing that right now, but everything's fine." and then I try to bring up a new topic.
I'm going to practice that response---and I also like the idea of offering to go refresh her drink. thanx!
"Oh. Hey, how about that cold snap? Single-digit temperatures in Georgia! Who'd have thunk it?"
You are not obliged to answer any questions. Ignore them long enough and they will stop asking.
The bolded one gave me chills in that it could invite more embarrassing statement by grandma or whoever she is. "Why do you ask?" "Well your mother told me that you needed to borrow money from her last month and what about that boy you were seeing, Randy was it? I heard he left you, so what did you do to ruin that relationship..." and on and on and on. It may not be those exact questions, but you see what I'm saying here.
Tell her everything is the way you like it and change the topic or go get something to snack on or drink. Ask her if she would like a refill on whatever she is drinking, can you get her dessert or ask her about a favorite dish that she used to prepare and could you get the recipe.
These are all good suggestions. Diversion and change of topic. Or maybe I should just smile blankly and pointedly at her and not say a word...heh heh.
The bolded one gave me chills in that it could invite more embarrassing statement by grandma or whoever she is. "Why do you ask?" "Well your mother told me that you needed to borrow money from her last month and what about that boy you were seeing, Randy was it? I heard he left you, so what did you do to ruin that relationship..." and on and on and on. It may not be those exact questions, but you see what I'm saying here.
The questions were very much along those lines, all sensitive topics: like an estrangement between my older sister and I, and my finances...
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