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I would give her actual ultimatums this time. Merely suggesting counseling won't work; you've already tried it. Make an appointment without talking to her about it first. Say "I made an appointment with a counselor today at 10 am. If you don't go, I will sleep in the guest room/on the couch tonight." Then follow through if she refuses to go. You can escalate the "consequences" up to and including actually filing for divorce. Personally I think she could use individual counseling, but if you want to do marital or family counseling, that's better than nothing.
I would also say "You have 6 months to find a job" and follow through with consequences if she doesn't do that as well.
I would give her actual ultimatums this time. Merely suggesting counseling won't work; you've already tried it. Make an appointment without talking to her about it first. Say "I made an appointment with a counselor today at 10 am. If you don't go, I will sleep in the guest room/on the couch tonight." Then follow through if she refuses to go. You can escalate the "consequences" up to and including actually filing for divorce. Personally I think she could use individual counseling, but if you want to do marital or family counseling, that's better than nothing.
I would also say "You have 6 months to find a job" and follow through with consequences if she doesn't do that as well.
I don't really think he should give an ultimatum about the job. The fact that she contributes nothing should be brought up with the therapist and the therapist should help them find common ground on that subject. If they don't need the money, she doesn't really need a job. She does need to contribute something to the household and the marriage, though, and it should be something she is agreeable to doing.
I don't really think he should give an ultimatum about the job. The fact that she contributes nothing should be brought up with the therapist and the therapist should help them find common ground on that subject. If they don't need the money, she doesn't really need a job. She does need to contribute something to the household and the marriage, though, and it should be something she is agreeable to doing.
I sort of agree. However, I suggested forcing her to get a job not because she needs to get one to contribute but because she acts as if work is beneath her and she is entitled to never work again.
She views waitressing, most likely, as beneath her now and as a demeaning job. Back then, she had to, I was barely making any money and she had to pitch in. Now that there's money. Why waitress?
Waitressing is beneath your wife? I didn't realize you were married to the Dutchess of York! Or is she the Dutchess of Cambridge?
Oh please! Get off YOUR high horse! She hasn't worked in years. What is qualified to do? She's not going to be a CPA overnight.
Who did and entitled your wife? She's young. She'll get over it. She needs to get over herself as do you. She's certainly young enough to work. She also needs to check on her Social Security credits. You don't work, you don't collect!
She's sort of raised a kid. How about day care? Nanny service? Or is that beneath the Dutchess?
I'm going to be VERY blunt. YOU need to grow up! Take off your onesie and pull-ups. Put your big boy pants on. **** or get off the pot. It's time. You've whined and bellyached on here for long enough. Man up and change YOUR situation. If YOU refuse to change YOUR life, then shut up already! You clearly do NOT want to change anything or else you would have and you wouldn't have the need to come on here and post whoa is me every few days. Save the drama for General Hospital. Grow some balls and a backbone would you already.
Waitressing is beneath your wife? I didn't realize you were married to the Dutchess of York! Or is she the Dutchess of Cambridge?
Oh please! Get off YOUR high horse! She hasn't worked in years. What is qualified to do? She's not going to be a CPA overnight.
Who did and entitled your wife? She's young. She'll get over it. She needs to get over herself as do you. She's certainly young enough to work. She also needs to check on her Social Security credits. You don't work, you don't collect!
She's sort of raised a kid. How about day care? Nanny service? Or is that beneath the Dutchess?
I'm going to be VERY blunt. YOU need to grow up! Take off your onesie and pull-ups. Put your big boy pants on. **** or get off the pot. It's time. You've whined and bellyached on here for long enough. Man up and change YOUR situation. If YOU refuse to change YOUR life, then shut up already! You clearly do NOT want to change anything or else you would have and you wouldn't have the need to come on here and post whoa is me every few days. Save the drama for General Hospital. Grow some balls and a backbone would you already.
Perhaps that's why they stay together. Physically they may both be 37 but mentally they're both more like 16! Though I've seen 16 year olds that are more responsible than them. Heck, my daughter had a waitressing job at 16 for a year.
Perhaps that's why they stay together. Physically they may both be 37 but mentally they're both more like 16! Though I've seen 16 year olds that are more responsible than them. Heck, my daughter had a waitressing job at 16 for a year.
I know many teenagers and 20 somethings far more mature and responsible than these two. They also whine much less.
Valentine's day was nice. Trying to find an, and I know there's no easy way with her, easy and nice way to tell her to get a job or start contributing to the housework. Sure her rebuttal will be . " Are we broke"? Or " I'm not your slave". This'll hard but necessary.
I would give her actual ultimatums this time. Merely suggesting counseling won't work; you've already tried it. Make an appointment without talking to her about it first. Say "I made an appointment with a counselor today at 10 am. If you don't go, I will sleep in the guest room/on the couch tonight." Then follow through if she refuses to go. You can escalate the "consequences" up to and including actually filing for divorce. Personally I think she could use individual counseling, but if you want to do marital or family counseling, that's better than nothing.
I would also say "You have 6 months to find a job" and follow through with consequences if she doesn't do that as well.
The OP has already done "actual" ultimatums-- the problem lies in the fact that he never carries it out throughly. As per the previous thread, he went as far as to set an appointment with a divorce lawyer (with his wife's knowledge)... He never did clarify and ignores any questions asking if he actually went. So the issue became moot as it became very clear the OP isn't looking for any actual change that he has to help create.
I don't think the wife getting a job is the correct solution and he didn't help his case by telling her recently that if she didn't want a job, then she didn't have to. He needs to be pushing for therapy -- but notice he's not even trying to push for that. Him taking the task of pushing for her getting a job or "contributing" to the empty household (as the son was living in the pool house, away from Mom) is a nonstarter. He knows that, which is why he's doing it.
Is the whole posting exercise just a way to get attention? OP must feel pretty inconsequential to do that. Any attention - even from strangers.
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