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Oh, FFS people, with all of this "get a second job," "your GF should get a job" stuff. Don't you think that if the OP could get a job with a higher salary he would? Don't you think that his GF would? Why do you think she was on unemployment as long as she was?
Contrary to a certain "I got mine and eff you" attitude pervasive on one side of the aisle in Congress, the vast and great majority of people who are struggling to get by desperately want to work, but are in situations or locations where the jobs just aren't there.
Besides, if the GF works full-time like you apparently want her to, and the OP works full-time and then gets a second-job, you do realize that pretty much all the extra income is going to go to after-school daycare, right? My niece is a kindergarten teacher. She just isn't going to work until all of her kids are in school, because nearly her entire salary would go toward daycare. It makes no sense. So, her husband supports them on his income alone for the time being.
So cut it out with your absolutely ludicrous and out-of-touch judgments over this, because you very clearly did not READ what the OP wrote. You are just as out of touch as his parents. You saw "food stamps" and saw "fiance's unemployment ran out" and just assumed that these two people are mooches and bums.
OP, just ignore these people. Seriously.
As for your parents, you know what I would tell them? "Yeah, sure, I'll get a second job. Be sure to be at the kids' school at 3:00 to pick them up. I'll swing by and get them when I get off work for the day."
Oh, FFS people, with all of this "get a second job," "your GF should get a job" stuff. Don't you think that if the OP could get a job with a higher salary he would? Don't you think that his GF would? Why do you think she was on unemployment as long as she was?
Contrary to a certain "I got mine and eff you" attitude pervasive on one side of the aisle in Congress, the vast and great majority of people who are struggling to get by desperately want to work, but are in situations or locations where the jobs just aren't there.
So cut it out with your absolutely ludicrous and out-of-touch judgments over this, because you very clearly did not READ what the OP wrote. You saw "food stamps" and saw "fiance's unemployment ran out" and just assumed that these two people are mooches and bums.
OP, just ignore these people. Seriously.
As for your parents, you know what I would tell them? "Yeah, sure, I'll get a second job. Be sure to be at the kids' school at 3:00 to pick them up. I'll swing by when I get off work for the day."
The OP also has threads about buying movies on Bluray and getting himself "manscaped" by getting waxed. Are these things someone should be doing who is getting govt. assistance and saying how tough finances are be doing?
And know it doesn't sound like the GF is making any effort to get a job, even if she got a job at Target or in fast food, it would bring some money in.
Did it ever occur to you that the parents aren't exactly thrilled that their son who decided to have a baby with what sounds like a real prize, is now involved and living with a woman who also has a kid of her own. Not the best choices.
Maybe the parents would have been more involved if he wasn't with mistake number two.
Oh, FFS people, with all of this "get a second job," "your GF should get a job" stuff. Don't you think that if the OP could get a job with a higher salary he would? Don't you think that his GF would? Why do you think she was on unemployment as long as she was?
Contrary to a certain "I got mine and eff you" attitude pervasive on one side of the aisle in Congress, the vast and great majority of people who are struggling to get by desperately want to work, but are in situations or locations where the jobs just aren't there.
Besides, if the GF works full-time like you apparently want her to, and the OP works full-time and then gets a second-job, you do realize that pretty much all the extra income is going to go to after-school daycare, right? My niece is a kindergarten teacher. She just isn't going to work until all of her kids are in school, because nearly her entire salary would go toward daycare. It makes no sense. So, her husband supports them on his income alone for the time being.
So cut it out with your absolutely ludicrous and out-of-touch judgments over this, because you very clearly did not READ what the OP wrote. You are just as out of touch as his parents. You saw "food stamps" and saw "fiance's unemployment ran out" and just assumed that these two people are mooches and bums.
OP, just ignore these people. Seriously.
As for your parents, you know what I would tell them? "Yeah, sure, I'll get a second job. Be sure to be at the kids' school at 3:00 to pick them up. I'll swing by and get them when I get off work for the day."
Key phrase---her husband supports them, not "they complain that the government won't extend the unemployment benefits" or "they complain that their food stamps were cut"
Oh, FFS people, with all of this "get a second job," "your GF should get a job" stuff. Don't you think that if the OP could get a job with a higher salary he would? Don't you think that his GF would? Why do you think she was on unemployment as long as she was?
So cut it out with your absolutely ludicrous and out-of-touch judgments over this, because you very clearly did not READ what the OP wrote. You are just as out of touch as his parents. You saw "food stamps" and saw "fiance's unemployment ran out" and just assumed that these two people are mooches and bums.
OP, just ignore these people. Seriously.
As for your parents, you know what I would tell them? "Yeah, sure, I'll get a second job. Be sure to be at the kids' school at 3:00 to pick them up. I'll swing by and get them when I get off work for the day."
How is his parents out of touch? Oh, we all very clearly read the OP. OP already admitted to not wanting to get a 2nd job, having a 40hr/wk job that's not really sustainable for the high COL area and supporting a unsustainable family model with gov't help. He apparently didn't push for his GF to have a job. He also admitted that his parents altogether only worked 70-100hrs a week... and he's mad because they think he's being lazy when he's not even trying to work as hard as they did.
Oh, FFS people, with all of this "get a second job," "your GF should get a job" stuff. Don't you think that if the OP could get a job with a higher salary he would? Don't you think that his GF would? Why do you think she was on unemployment as long as she was?
He may not be able to get a higher salary, but he could pick up a second job on nights/weekends. Even OP admitted he could do this, but didn't want to work any more hours. Lazy. He also admitted he could push his GF harder to get a job. That doesn't sound like "can't" but "doesn't want to." She could get SOMETHING as a waitress or at a store mopping floors until she finds something better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
Besides, if the GF works full-time like you apparently want her to, and the OP works full-time and then gets a second-job, you do realize that pretty much all the extra income is going to go to after-school daycare, right?
Not necessarily. One of my friends who is a teacher had his wife stay home with the kids during regular work hours (this is when they were under 5), then he came home immediately after that, and she left for her job from 4:00-midnight 4 days a week. It was part time work, but it wasn't nothing.
There are lots of solutions that COULD work for the OP, including that his GF could provide daycare in her home, or could work part time during the hours the kids are in school. Or they could switch off hours caring for the kids. But their solution is to sit back and complain the government doesn't give them MORE money than they already are. I can't really blame his parents for seeing him and the situation he's made for himself as a disappointment.
Quote:
The OP also has threads about buying movies on Bluray and getting himself "manscaped" by getting waxed. Are these things someone should be doing who is getting govt. assistance and saying how tough finances are be doing?
Let me tell you people something: I've known people in the OP's situation, not only friends, but people in my family. Marriage has nothing to do with it, so you can forget the "keyword husband" bit right off the top. The fact is that the OP and his fiancee (oh, look, keyword "fiancee" ) are sharing a household, and there are two children. THAT is the salient point, not their marital status.
First, I, too, wonder where the other two parents are in this, and why neither the OP nor his fiancee are getting child support from them. HOWEVER, I do know that it costs money to haul someone's arse into court to force them to pay. Two of my sisters had to do that. One of them was also entitled to alimony, but she chose to pursue the child support instead, because that's all she could AFFORD to pursue--and that was because she was living, with her two small children, with my parents and me (I was in high school at the time). That's right. So she put the money she might have put toward rent and babysitting (I took care of the kids after school and in the summer) into forcing her ahole ex-husband to meet his obligations toward his kids. Had she lived on her own, she would not have been able to pursue it.
I also do not know if the other two parents have waived their parental rights, or if they're crackheads or whatever. The situation could be one of trying to get blood from a stone. The OP hasn't said.
Second, if the OP's parents are that hung up on what the OP should be doing, they should be helping him do it. You people are all about what he and his fiancee are supposedly getting, and how you are supposedly supporting them, but this would not be for them as much as for the kids. You are more hung up on punishing the parents, with your inane comments like, "her kid is not your responsibility," than keeping two small children fed and clothed.
Yeah, right. As though any adult with a heart could just provide for one child and ignore the other who is living in the same home. "Sorry, kid, but only my kid gets to eat dinner tonight. Only my kid gets shoes and clothes that fit. Ask your mother for yours."
Where are your hearts? Where is your common sense?
When my sisters blended families or dated men with kids, my parents looked at the "steps" as part of the family. They were invited for all the holidays, they received the same love, attention, and gifts as their blood grandkids, etc. That is what people with love in their hearts do.
As for working 70-100 hours a week, let me guess: Those of you who think that is acceptable just to pay the rent would then be the first to criticize a parent when their kids act up or get into trouble. "Where were you when your kid was doing that?" Rather than advocating for a living wage for the working class, you just want to get up there and judge. Typical war-on-the-poor bs. It really is.
Well, you can't have it both ways. One of the adults in this situation has to be home when the kids get off of school to do the parenting. If they can't be, then the big-mouth, judgmental grandparents should put their money where their yaps are and offer to help out.
Anything less is just hot air from two out-of-touch windbags.
Yeah, right. As though any adult with a heart could just provide for one child and ignore the other who is living in the same home. "Sorry, kid, but only my kid gets to eat dinner tonight. Only my kid gets shoes and clothes that fit. Ask your mother for yours."
Where are your hearts? Where is your common sense?
Nice try but this has nothing to do with the point. The OP's girlfriend could work but is choosing not to. She could easily get a job as a waitress somewhere, or work mopping floors. The OP is choosing to be an enabler. He should've insisted she be working and contributing to household income from the start, or she needed to move out. It is disgracefully embarrassing that he is spending money getting manscaped and on Blue-rays while his live-in girlfriend does nothing and he lives off the government's dime. This has nothing to do with a stepkid situation and everything to do with two lazy adults who don't want to make the effort to support themselves, as they are contented to let others do it for them.
How is his parents out of touch? Oh, we all very clearly read the OP. OP already admitted to not wanting to get a 2nd job, having a 40hr/wk job that's not really sustainable for the high COL area and supporting a unsustainable family model with gov't help. He apparently didn't push for his GF to have a job. He also admitted that his parents altogether only worked 70-100hrs a week... and he's mad because they think he's being lazy when he's not even trying to work as hard as they did.
Where are your hearts? Where is your common sense?
Since you are clearly a much better human being than everyone else and apparently do not mind providing support for parasites, perhaps you could PM the OP and offer to send him big wads of money so he doesn't have to inconvenience himself in any way or put in any extra effort to support his "blended family." That way, he can keep pissing his (and the taxpayers') money away on indulgences like beauty treatments, and his girlfriend can continue to stay at home and watch her daytime TV, and you can feel all superior and smug and whatever.
I feel like they aren't quite living in the harsh reality of the modern world. They don't understand that the economy is still in shambles. Employers want workers to break their backs for min wage and no hope of ever climbing up the corporate ladder. They don't see that the cost of living is almost hopelessly out of sync with current wages being paid. Gas prices, rent, utilities, food. All of it climbing higher and higher but the wages stay the same. They seem to think that people don't want to work and just want the government to take care of everything.
Look, if what the others are saying about you spending money at the salon for manscaping, and buying Blu-Rays, and all of that is true, cut it out. You have no disposable income right now.
And if the other two parents in the situation (your ex and your fiancee's ex) are not crackheads or thugs, see if legal aid can help you. Social services may or may not be able to, but you won't know until you ask.
As for the rest, you are spot on. I have no doubt that southern California is insanely expensive. It's on par with the NY area, where I am. There are some parts of the country where unless someone makes well above the national average in income, they're screwed. NY burbs are the same way as southern California: high cost of living, mediocre to below-average wages. So disregard the judgmental commentary of anyone who is living in the burbs or rural parts of flyover country, because they have no clue.
I have to laugh at the comments of "move." If I lived in Iowa or someplace like that, I would be doing very well. But I live here, so I squeak by. I'd move away tomorrow if I had the money sitting there to do so, but I don't, so I scrimp until I do.
And yes, employers do want people to break their backs for peanuts. The working class in the U.S. is effed out the wazoo right now, meanwhile corporations are raking in record profits. There is a basic incivility and inhumanity both in the workplace and toward the poor right now, and this nation needs unions now more than ever.
To sum: No luxuries for you and your fiancee. Seek legal aid about child support if you are entitled to it. Keep encouraging your fiancee in her efforts to find at least a part-time job during school hours. Not sure about your transportation situation, but only you know whether it is safe for her to take public transportation in the wee hours to go to and from night work.
That's about all I'm going to say on this thread. I'm not going to argue with people who disagree with me. They're not going to change my mind.
/end rants
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) are sharing a household, and there are two children. THAT is the salient point, not their marital status.
