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Has anyone ever been molested by a parent or other family member during childhood and gone on in adulthood to not only forgive them, but were able to establish a normal, healthy relationship with that person?
If so, how was this accomplished? Is it a bad idea to try to salvage and begin a new relationship with a past abuser?
I would think you have to forgive, but that you should not have ANY relationship with the person.
Why no relationship? Let's say the molester was a parent. Would it not help to try to create a normal relationship if it never existed before? Especially if it's believed that the molestation was a major contributor to problems in the molested person's adulthood...?
IMHO, a person who would molest a child is a destructive sociopath. Forgive all you want, but any further relationship will only do you more harm. They are broken and cannot be fixed - they can only do more damage.
Do you really think that the urges just went away? Do you really want a normal relationship with someone who has urges to molest another child, or worse still, may have done so?
No.
My name is Amanda.
My older brother molested me while I was asleep when I was 5-7 years old, I don't recall anymore. I am 22.
All I remember is waking up with him there and hands where they shouldn't be in the middle of the night in my bunk.
He is 3 years older, and he joined the Navy when he was 'of age.'
When I was 18, he was discharged...... honorably somehow..... I got out as soon as I could.. I moved in with my internet boyfriend. We are now married.
We visited my parents house where HE still lives several times, he's caused a ruckus each time he was there. He's an ass and I loathe him. I told my mom before I moved out, she knows and she hates him. There's nothing we can do. I wouldn't be upset if I never went home again. My mother in law is more of a mother to me than my own mom... I love her dearly...
Whether you forgive your molestor or not is up to you and your safety and comfort level, but mine hasn't changed. Mine is my brother. He choked my younger brother and alienated his so called 'best friend.' ... My brother cares not for any but himself and does not think of women as people according to his 'best friend'... I tried. I TRY to think of him as my BROTHER.... it is painful and I am crying as I type.. I can't. I didn't call him my brother for YEARS.. it depends on the individual I guess. If they are apologetic, and actually good people... I wish you the best, I feel your pain.... please don't hurt yourself anymore by seeing this person again...... This is my first public speaking of my .... occurrence.... it's not worth trying to see a person like that again. It only brings back bitterness and pain....
Forgive, you must, it's part of our spiritual growth and soul wisdom, but, ya don't have
to 'hang out with the person'...wish them wel, from afar.
Now, if they got therapy and apologized to YOU, that would be different.
(I know all of this from experience, btw...)
Good luck with whatever you decide.
I had a friend, fat Michael, talk with me about his pedaphelia issue...somehow a bunch of us found out
from the parents of a beautiful little girl about six..no penetration, but touching places...
He TRULY, truly, thought in his sweet/innocent/deluded mind...that this little girl, Brooke, actually was aware;
that her smiles and coyness were deliberately asking for his affections ...as IF she were an adult woman
...deliberately flirting, "knowing'' what she was doing...or effecting him.
I swear those were his words. He really felt she wanted him to touch her under her dress.
I give no comment...I'm not a professional....just telling you this odd up close and personal encounter.
'Odd' is still a judgment...I'll change that to 'unique or unusual encounter'...we were in our late 20s at the time.
He was one of the sweetest, gentlest, folk singers, btw, not some mean person...clinically, very fascinating.
Last edited by Miss Hepburn; 05-09-2014 at 06:48 AM..
Forgive, you must, it's part of our spiritual growth and soul wisdom, but, ya don't have
to 'hang out with the person'...wish them wel, from afar.
Now, if they got therapy and apologized to YOU, that would be different.
(I know all of this from experience, btw...)
Good luck with whatever you decide.
I had a friend, fat Michael, talk with me about his pedaphelia issue...somehow a bunch of us found out
from the parents of a beautiful little girl about six..no penetration, but touching places...
He TRULY, truly, thought in his sweet/innocent/deluded mind...that this little girl, Brooke, actually was aware;
that her smiles and coyness were deliberately asking for his affections ...as IF she were an adult woman
...deliberately flirting, "knowing'' what she was doing...or effecting him.
I swear those were his words. He really felt she wanted him to touch her under her dress.
I give no comment...I'm not a professional....just telling you this odd up close and personal encounter.
'Odd' is still a judgment...I'll change that to 'unique or unusual encounter'...we were in our late 20s at the time.
He was one of the sweetest, gentlest, folk singers, btw, not some mean person...clinically, very fascinating.
Not buying into that. She wanted it? It's called justification.
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