Forgiving your molester

[mortpes]

Forgiving is likely not a valid concept for one's life. I have found that it is a total waste of my time to hate those in my past that have abused me. I focus on the problems of the day and on the close future. I also try to avoid the presence of those that have wronged me.

[silibran]

Originally Posted by mortpes

Forgiving is likely not a valid concept for one's life. I have found that it is a total waste of my time to hate those in my past that have abused me. I focus on the problems of the day and on the close future. I also try to avoid the presence of those that have wronged me.

Yes.

[OzarkChickenLover]

Originally Posted by deeken

If anyone wants to give me a clear understanding of what they mean by forgiveness that does not involve religion, Jesus, Christ, Moses, etc then please enlighten men.

This is copied and pasted from Greater Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life

"What Is Forgiveness? Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.
Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life."


I think that's about the clearest, most concise definition I've seen. And, per your request, there is no mention of God anywhere in there.


To me the most important concept is the freedom the victim gets from forgiving their offender. To no longer have to hang on to that anger, that rage, that negativity, is incredible. It's saying, "I'm not giving you any more power over me. I'm letting go of the resentment and anger, and I'm letting go of the part of my mind that you occupy, and I'm moving on."

I hope this helps you understand a little better what is meant by forgiveness.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by OzarkChickenLover

This is copied and pasted from Greater Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life

"What Is Forgiveness?
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.

Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life."


I think that's about the clearest, most concise definition I've seen. And, per your request, there is no mention of God anywhere in there.


To me the most important concept is the freedom the victim gets from forgiving their offender. To no longer have to hang on to that anger, that rage, that negativity, is incredible. It's saying, "I'm not giving you any more power over me. I'm letting go of the resentment and anger, and I'm letting go of the part of my mind that you occupy, and I'm moving on."

I hope this helps you understand a little better what is meant by forgiveness.

this was awesome, thank you Ozarkchickenlover....and wanted to add to this
Forgiveness is a sort of cleansing of the soul....when one doesn't forgive, there are all kinds of negative emotions, such as anger, hostility, hate, etc....which is upsetting to the body's whole system, and not healthy mentally or physically, opening the body to disease....as stress is never eliminated. So, yes, indeed, forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget...but it does bring peace to the mind and soul, which it has done for me.