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Or do you have to actually meditate on the whole thing, justify why the person hurt you, then intentionally say "it doesnt matter anymore" then tell the offender that?
I suspect that forgiveness is defined for each individual in a particular way. For me it means, to stop holding something done to me against the person who did the thing. It means NOT holding a grudge, but it also means more than that. It might mean to actively refuse to assign blame. It might mean, depending on the circumstances, a decision of the will to refuse to dwell on the thing that was done, and the person who did it.
For some, who are very brave, it means to wrestle with their feelings to get to the place where they no longer hate the person who did the thing, but come to accept and no longer hold it against him or her. Some might describe this process as a path; some might describe it as a discipline. I have noticed that often people describe forgiveness as letting it go. When the thing is no longer in your mind in a destructive way, you have forgiven, I think.
I get forgiving for your own sanity, but having a relationship with said person? Absolutely not. Again, most of these people feel they did nothing wrong and claim to "love" the person. They do not and will not change.
It's interesting how much blockage occurs when the name of Christ is mentioned.
It's possible to forgive someone and never allow them into your life. Because you can't really forget, not should you.
When I read the Karla Faye Tucker book, the man whose sister got murdered by Karla was able to forgive her. Does that mean he didn't want her to get the death penalty?
If you jump off a skyscraper and beg God to forgive you on the way down, he's going to forgive you but you're still going to hit the pavement.
Has anyone ever been molested by a parent or other family member during childhood and gone on in adulthood to not only forgive them, but were able to establish a normal, healthy relationship with that person?
If so, how was this accomplished? Is it a bad idea to try to salvage and begin a new relationship with a past abuser?
Yes, it is a bad idea to attempt to forage a relationship with your abuser. You also don't need to forgive that person. I don't understand this idea that we must forgive someone-who took advantage of someone's trust.
When I read the Karla Faye Tucker book, the man whose sister got murdered by Karla was able to forgive her. Does that mean he didn't want her to get the death penalty?
He could have thought "she should have a chance for redemption" but he would want her to go to prison first
Yes, it is a bad idea to attempt to forage a relationship with your abuser. You also don't need to forgive that person. I don't understand this idea that we must forgive someone-who took advantage of someone's trust.
Flower, if you read the entire thread, you will understand that no one is stating you HAVE to forgive the molester. If you read the thread, everyone agrees, you have to do what is best for each individual. you don't have to! If you read the entire thread, you will find to each his own...no one is saying anyone is right or wrong for what they've done in the aftermath of this, you are merely reading individual opinions.
He could have thought "she should have a chance for redemption" but he would want her to go to prison first
In reality I think that's what he thought. You can see videos on youtube with Karla. She became a soul-winner. God changed her. (Moses and King David were murderers, not that it's okay, it's just God can use any of us if we let Him) By the way, Gge.W.Bush denied her pardon as Governor of Texas.
BACK ON TOPIC: It's been proven that perpetrators of sexual assault rarely acknowledge their crime and ask for forgiveness, which is what so many victims crave. Because often it's someone they know and love (in their twisted sense of the word - love as they know it). A parent or other family member or family friend or a person of authority. It would make the world easier if the person they trusted that did that would just apologize. Don't count on it. (ie: Sandusky)
Yes, it is a bad idea to attempt to forage a relationship with your abuser. You also don't need to forgive that person. I don't understand this idea that we must forgive someone-who took advantage of someone's trust.
It is a personal choice. For me, I don't believe I could ever be around a person who molested me. In my life, I have had to forgive people for my peace of mind. This forgiveness is me letting go, so that I may continue to live a healthy life. It has nothing to do with the person being forgiven at all. I do not want to be around them or have a relationship with them, but I don't dwell on the hurt anymore. I have let it go from my life. This type of forgiveness is about self-preservation.
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