social setting, what's the difference here?

[TheShadow]

Originally Posted by elhelmete

So let's say you fast forward to the next morning, and you and your S/O are discussing the previous evening. Are you more likely to say:

"Wow, #### was such an annoying drunk last night, I'd have to think twice about getting together with them again."

or

"Wow, &&&& was quiet with me most of the night, I'd have to think twice about getting together with them again."

I'm sure glad I don't hang out with a crowd that faults me for being quiet! I have 86'd people from any affair that I am planning for excessive drunkenness, but never for being quiet. For heaven's sake, you either like the person or you don't, but quiet behavior at one party makes you "think twice" about getting together with them? That is seriously judgmental and so strange to me. If they were a wet blanket or Debbie Downer trying to quash other people's good time, that would be different, but minding their own business causes you to write them off?????

[elhelmete]

Originally Posted by TheShadow

I'm sure glad I don't hang out with a crowd that faults me for being quiet! I have 86'd people from any affair that I am planning for excessive drunkenness, but never for being quiet. For heaven's sake, you either like the person or you don't, but quiet behavior at one party makes you "think twice" about getting together with them? That is seriously judgmental and so strange to me. If they were a wet blanket or Debbie Downer trying to quash other people's good time, that would be different, but minding their own business causes you to write them off?????

This is exactly what I'm getting at.

Someone who is deemed "quiet" too often gets tagged with negative connotations. It's very unfair and mostly inaccurate. Not everyone is walking around with Aspergers or SAD. A quiet demeanor can often be temporary and/or situational.

I also think some(!) extroverts (and I know that's a broad term) tend to over-estimate how interesting they are, if that makes sense.

I've also seen plenty of people who appear bored to death at certain gatherings suddenly become extroverts in others. Speaking for myself for instance, I have it in me to watch maybe one NBA game a year. If for some reason I had to attend a dozen basketball watching parties over a couple months I'd be climbing the walls looking for something else to do and someone else to do it with. I'm not saying people shouldn't reach out of their comfort zone, but I am suggesting that some kinds of gatherings are over-represented and this can lead to some of the dynamics I've been talking about.

[Jeo123]

Originally Posted by elhelmete

Someone who is deemed "quiet" too often gets tagged with negative connotations. It's very unfair and mostly inaccurate. Not everyone is walking around with Aspergers or SAD. A quiet demeanor can often be temporary and/or situational.

You're missing the point. EVERYONE gets tagged in some situations with negative connotations. You just know your situation and you know how you feel you're being treated.

You don't know about the drunk guy who thinks he has to be that way to be the life of the party or people won't want him back because he's boring sober.

Or the girl who can't quite keep up with the intellectual conversation and is constantly worried that people are judging her because her degree is in fashion.

Or the guy who people jokingly tease about his hair, or ears, or whatever and he feels he needs to just laugh it off because to make a big deal would draw more attention to it.

The person who's strapped for cash and has to figure out what they're giving up to join you for dinner.

The person who's spent their entire life trying to get rid of an accent to sound "normal".

The person gay person who thinks everyone would turn on him if they knew.

The straight person who's never had so much as a kiss.

EVERYONE has something that people will focus on from time to time. It's life. The drunk guy doesn't get a pass. You're just more aware of people judging the things that you can relate to. You obviously don't drink that much, so you dismiss it easily. You're obviously quiet so you focus on those things even when people aren't directing them at you.

The problem here is likely nothing more than your perspective. Like I said in my other post, unless you're hanging out with a completely horrible group of people(and I can't emphasize enough how unlikely I believe that to be) this is nothing more than an issue from your perspective.