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If you have read some of my other posts you know that my immediate family has pretty much cut me off because I will not give them any money. The only family my wife and I socialize with is her side of the family but that side has had a lot of conflict with us too. (When we refused to stay at the Ritz Carlton with the rest of my wife's immediate family.)
So it was a year since I talked to anyone on my side of the family and the phone rang a few weeks ago. It was my youngest sister who has had no real relationship with me for years. She started talking like nothing bad had happened and said she had meant to call but had been so busy.
We had a nice time catching up and I thought the conversation was going well. But just before the conversation was going to end, she asked me for money for some type of financial crisis. I told her I would think about it and call her back. She has called me back twice and left a message on my voice mail and asked me if I could help her out with a $2000 loan. She would pay me back $100 a month for two years. So far I have not called her back and she appears desperate.
My older sister was given a $5000 loan a couple of years ago, and never paid me back after the first payment. And then had the nerve to ask me for another loan. When I rejected her I was cut off from the family- and my elderly parents, until this phone call.
Wouldn't it be easier to just give my broke family members the money they need and attempt to buy my way back into their good graces? I am so tired of being cut off and being told I am cheap.
Wouldn't it be easier to just give my broke family members the money they need and attempt to buy my way back into their good graces? I am so tired of being cut off and being told I am cheap.
If you can afford it and would be more comfortable buying your way into your family's good graces as opposed to them ignoring you then go ahead and do it. If not, then just say no. Judging from the sheer volume of threads related to your issues with your family it sounds as though you don't like any of them and are ever-critical of them while they in turn get along with each other just fine.
It sounds like your sisters are users. I would be relieved to have people like that stay out of my life. Don't give them money, if all they see you as is a source of free cash, they're not people who are worth trying to have a familial relationship with.
What does your wife think? Does she think you're a cheapskate or does she appreciate the security because of your frugality?
Cutting off contact with a relative because he won't give you money is extremely dysfunctional. Nice people don't behave this way. It sounds as if you are starting to think they are right and you are wrong, but you aren't wrong.
I don't know how much money you have compared to everyone else, but even if you have a lot, you don't owe them anything. If I was asked for money by a relative, I would give it as a gift, if I could afford it without hardship, but I would not lend it. I learned this the hard way.
Once you do this, those relatives would then have the burden of being indebted to you, and you would forever have them under your thumb, which would be just what they deserve. You already know you would need to buy your way into their affection, so what is that worth, really? If you lend them money and they don't pay it back, they will probably continue to avoid you for that reason anyway.
You would know that the only reason they would "love" you is for more money.
I don't think giving money to people who live over their means really helps them. If banks won't lend it to them, then why would you want to? But if you have more money than you know what to do with and it makes you feel good to always bail them out, then it's your choice.
Good God no! Why even consider doing it? You know she never would have contacted you if she didn't need the money. It's like your family is holding you hostage for your money. If you don't hand it out they'll cut you off. So be it.
I asked her if she had any credit cards and she said yes. I said why don't you write yourself a credit card convenience check? Or go to an ATM and get a cash advance.
I asked her if she had any credit cards and she said yes. I said why don't you write yourself a credit card convenience check? Or go to an ATM and get a cash advance.
I sent her this link in an email and never got a reply.
Wouldn't that be a better route than having a brother you have no relationship with lend you money?
I'm sure she will appreciate your assistance in finding alternatives but then again you could save all this drama with a sister you haven't talked to in over a year by simply saying no without fluffing around telling her you'll "think about it" when your decision was likely quite clear in your own mind from the start.
I might think differently if you were a few decades younger but (and although there are times when I'm surprised) I don't think it's unrealistic to assume that by the time one reaches one's 60s one has developed sufficient maturity to deal with such things simply and firmly. And particularly since this is nothing new for you.
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