Awkward Situation: My friend invited me on vacation then told me afterwards her married boyfriend would be there... (business, friendship)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would maybe ask to see how the married boy friends wife feels about the situation and if she is OK with it then you are OK with it as well.
OP - you are the beard. Someone to hang out with while he is at the party. That's all you are to her. Other than when he is busy with the guys, you won't see her.
I don't really see the point in telling her why she doesn't want to go (regarding the boyfriend thing).
I've been in this situation. My friend was seeing a married man and planning the exact same type of trips. I unfortunately didn't know he and his friends would be there until we were on said trip.
Friend is going to do what friend wants to do. Confronting her about it or acknowledging it is only going to get OP involved in a very drama-filled situation. This is between husband, wife, and the friend. Not OP. It will also result in a conflict between friends and possibly be damaging to the friendship, which I don't think OP really wants.
People do things all the time that we don't agree with. Married man and friend are absolutely wrong in what they are doing, but that's not OP's drama to take on, or OP's problem to resolve.
I think simply opting out of events where married guy is there will give friend the hint but still maintain the friendship.
And yes, I would't go on the trip.
Different people would handle this different ways, this is just my perspective.
Good points. I just don't like hanging out with people that lie. Interesting word lie. You can lie to someone or lie with them. Not sure if I am spelling that correctly. Is their only one way to spell lie?
Either way in this case the boyfriend chooses to lie to one woman so he can lie with another woman. Funny how the second woman is OK with that. Does she think that she has a future with the boyfriend? Are their not plenty of eligible men in her area? The man is a fool and the woman is a fool to want someone elses garbage.
I so agree that this is not the business of the op.
I'm not one to travel too frequently. Infact, I can't remember the last time I actually have taken a vacation. Maybe 10 years or so? So after a recent breakup with my recluse of a boyfriend (who also turned me into one), I decided I would travel more.
My friend of approximately 5 years who I love dearly invited me to Las Vegas for Labor Day weekend. I've never been to Vegas, so I immediately agreed to go! Yes! Finally a trip with my good girlfriend and maybe a few of her other girl friends. We've been talking about this for a couple of weeks and then today she drops a bomb on me...
Her married boyfriend and his friends will be there for a bachelor party...
Ugh.
Now I really don't want to go anymore and I know she will be disappointed, but it just isn't a situation that I want to put myself in.
This has actually happened before when she invited me to Mexico and then later told me he would be there with his friends as well. Luckily, I was starting a new job and didn't have any vacation days so that was my excuse to bail and not go.
This time I have no idea what I will tell her. I just don't agree with the situation and I don't want any of his married friends thinking they're going to get lucky over here. No way. Not having it.
As a note to myself, from now on, I'll avoid talks of vacation with her since hers seem to revolve around her married boyfriend.
Anyone care to offer any advice. How can I deal with this awkward situation without losing a friend. Like I said - love the girl to death, but just not her situation.
First, since she did this before, no big surprise right?
As for what you tell her, ever think about the truth?
Its really simple and easy to do.
Hello, I don't want to go on the trip because I thought it was going to be just us girls. I am not interested in something else, even for traveling. Next time, please let me know who will be going so I won't have to bail at the last minute. Have a good time.
See how simple it is? if she gets upset, then that solves another concern, get a new friend.
What would you advise the op to say each and every time this situation comes up?
Just talk around it and make up excuses?
I guess I just wonder why you wouldn't have her address this head-on.
You also don't strike me as the type of person who tiptoes around their friends.
I agree with stan4. I see no reason why the friend's relationship choices, moral or immoral, need to be addressed. Why does the OP have to have ANY REASON other than she's uncomfortable? That's a legitimate reason in and of itself.
The trip was misrepresented when the invitation was issued. That alone is deceitful and there is no need to take the other person's inventory on top of that. I strongly advise the OP not to waste her time on this weekend but the turn-down is best left simple. Stick to the topic. Personally, I wouldn't want to go even if the boyfriend was single! The OP objects to being a fifth wheel. That would be the case no matter what this couple's status is.
Perhaps this woman will come to her senses and break up with the married man. In which case the OP will be out a companion she seems to like if she's stuck her nose too far into this situation. A decline of this invitation doesn't need to come along with a lecture.
FLip it...she invited you so she would have someone to hang out with while HE is at the bachelor party. He can't travel with her without that excuse for his wife.
SHE is the one who is not a good friend.
Right on.
Ever notice that it's usually the NICE PEOPLE who are worried about how others will feel? The jerks apparently aren't worried at all. The OP's friend certainly isn't worried about offending her friend.
OP, tell your friend that this isn't your idea of a dream vacation and that you wouldn't have agreed to go if you'd known that "men were included" because you thought that it was a "girls only" vacation, so you're going to pass on it this time. If she's REALLY a friend, you should also be able to tell her what you really feel about her affair with a married man, AND ABOUT BEING USED AS A COVER. If you're not able to share your thoughts on this, she's not a close friend anyway so just don't sweat it.
Her friend is going to invite her to things again.
Her friend is going to start to wonder why she declines to go.
Her friend (assuming she's not a complete moron) will notice the pattern with her not going and her married boyfriend being there.
Tip-toeing will only take the op so far.
Assumptions run amuck. Is it not sufficient that your opinion may not be that of others?
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
I can only assume you share the same values as your friend since you stand by and say nothing.
That's rudely harsh and judgmental in and of itself. Why are you taking this issue so personally and getting yourself all wound up about it? Such moral outrage!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl
I agree with stan4. I see no reason why the friend's relationship choices, moral or immoral, need to be addressed.
I'm not so sure you do agree with stan4 as the second sentence contradicts that poster's opinion.
I agree with stan4. I see no reason why the friend's relationship choices, moral or immoral, need to be addressed. Why does the OP have to have ANY REASON other than she's uncomfortable? That's a legitimate reason in and of itself.
The trip was misrepresented when the invitation was issued. That alone is deceitful and there is no need to take the other person's inventory on top of that. I strongly advise the OP not to waste her time on this weekend but the turn-down is best left simple. Stick to the topic. Personally, I wouldn't want to go even if the boyfriend was single! The OP objects to being a fifth wheel. That would be the case no matter what this couple's status is.
Perhaps this woman will come to her senses and break up with the married man. In which case the OP will be out a companion she seems to like if she's stuck her nose too far into this situation. A decline of this invitation doesn't need to come along with a lecture.
Call the dude's wife and see what she's up to that weekend.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
