Awkward Situation: My friend invited me on vacation then told me afterwards her married boyfriend would be there...
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I'm not one to travel too frequently. Infact, I can't remember the last time I actually have taken a vacation. Maybe 10 years or so? So after a recent breakup with my recluse of a boyfriend (who also turned me into one), I decided I would travel more.
My friend of approximately 5 years who I love dearly invited me to Las Vegas for Labor Day weekend. I've never been to Vegas, so I immediately agreed to go! Yes! Finally a trip with my good girlfriend and maybe a few of her other girl friends. We've been talking about this for a couple of weeks and then today she drops a bomb on me...
Her married boyfriend and his friends will be there for a bachelor party...
Ugh.
Now I really don't want to go anymore and I know she will be disappointed, but it just isn't a situation that I want to put myself in.
This has actually happened before when she invited me to Mexico and then later told me he would be there with his friends as well. Luckily, I was starting a new job and didn't have any vacation days so that was my excuse to bail and not go.
This time I have no idea what I will tell her. I just don't agree with the situation and I don't want any of his married friends thinking they're going to get lucky over here. No way. Not having it.
As a note to myself, from now on, I'll avoid talks of vacation with her since hers seem to revolve around her married boyfriend.
Anyone care to offer any advice. How can I deal with this awkward situation without losing a friend. Like I said - love the girl to death, but just not her situation.
Based on this, you seem to be a person who allows other people's drama affect your own decisions. And your happiness suffers as a result.
It's pretty obvious that you're not going as a friend, but rather as a fig leaf. You are her cover story, her alibi, so she can hook up with the married boyfriend. The first time, instead of telling her that you didn't want to be any part of this seedy business, you used the excuse of not having any vacation days. Given that silence implies consent, she mistook 'No' for 'Not this year.' Some friend. And yet you're the one feeling guilty. The same thing is true of the recluse ex-boyfriend. You endured that for ten years? What were you thinking?
Instead, I would tell her that you really don't want to be in the same zip code as her and the married boyfriend because testifying at his divorce trial isn't exactly your idea of fun.
"NO" is the most powerful word in the English language. As in, "No, I don't want to cool my heels at the Bellagio while you cat around with another man's husband." Or, "No, I'm not going to give up yet another vacation because you're too neurotic to go anywhere." You should try it. It's really a liberating thing. If she's a real friend, she'll come around.
I'm not one to travel too frequently. Infact, I can't remember the last time I actually have taken a vacation. Maybe 10 years or so? So after a recent breakup with my recluse of a boyfriend (who also turned me into one), I decided I would travel more.
My friend of approximately 5 years who I love dearly invited me to Las Vegas for Labor Day weekend. I've never been to Vegas, so I immediately agreed to go! Yes! Finally a trip with my good girlfriend and maybe a few of her other girl friends. We've been talking about this for a couple of weeks and then today she drops a bomb on me...
Her married boyfriend and his friends will be there for a bachelor party...
Ugh.
Now I really don't want to go anymore
...
Married boyfriend!??! Are you really surprised by anything in your post when the source of your issue has questionable character?
Friend is going to do what friend wants to do. Confronting her about it or acknowledging it is only going to get OP involved in a very drama-filled situation. This is between husband, wife, and the friend. Not OP. It will also result in a conflict between friends and possibly be damaging to the friendship, which I don't think OP really wants.
Well, if it were me (and that's the only set of values I have to go by, when all is said and done), I would not pursue the friendship. How can you trust someone who can act in such a self-centered and selfish manner? This is not a quality person, and this would not be the kind of person I would want to be friends with. It's not "confronting" someone to say, "Sorry, I can't go along with this -- I think what you are doing is wrong, so just leave me out." They can call me judgmental, arrogant, prissy, prudish -- frankly, whatever words someone like that thinks up to attack me with comes from a place of guilt and knowing they are doing the wrong thing, and they are simply trying to displace their own discomfort. Not my zoo, not my monkeys. *shrug*
you guys are perceptive. i had to read that twice to see what you all saw "married boyfriend" sheesh!!
but if ever i was in a vacation with a friend, and they decided to go off and do their thing, I'd not waste my vacation which i paid for, i'd go off on my own and say see ya later. that way a friend does not ruin my vacation.
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