Where's Dear Abby when you need her?

[MagnoliaThunder]

As I read through your posts, several things occurred to me, not the least of which is something you said toward the end of the posts so far: "wherever I go... there I am..." So that's great insight from you...BUT, I was also wondering if the cool reception you seemed to be getting was because you are black and I thought perhaps the others were white ... however, somewhere in here someone said that you are actually talking about the other rural black people in the area ... if that's the case, they may see you as "foreign" because you have a wider experience of the world than they do...
There is always a way to turn things around, but at what cost is the question. For me, if I could not at least find someone with whom I could share conversations on ideas and things I was interested in, I would feel very lonely...so, I guess you will have to decide whether your lovely acreage - and it does sound lovely -- is worth the price of being the "outsider" for perhaps a long time, or if it's time to research other places where you may find more intellectual and lifestyle companionship.
Good luck to you - I hope you will find the option right for you...

[nighthouse66]

Originally Posted by veganwriter

I moved into one of the most Conservative counties in North Carolina.
I wanted rural and being a friendly guy, I thought I could handle it. (No, I am NOT a Conservative.)

Nope.
I'm not only viewed as an "outsider," but as an, "Intruder."
That's several steps further.

I just turned 61 and I'm retired.
I am a single man who lives on ten acres.

1. At my age I don't NEED sex for sex sake... and would rather do without if there's no emotional .. heart connection. I'm not, "dead" ... I just don't need empty sex like I used to.
2. I've traveled. I'm "wordly." So... the things I like to talk about don't seem to interest the locals.
3. They have a unique way of seeing things ... like when I enter wearing a smile and a clean shirt, some act as if I'm attacking them...
4. There seems to be an anger here that especially visible amongst women. Big turn off.
5. Some seem to be looking at you for what you can do for them. If nothing, then "I'm nothing."
6. There's also a, "misery loves company" kind of vibe. Folks seem happy if they've pissed you off.
7. And the driving style! Some people don't want to actually engage you in conversation, but they want you to see them? Especially while driving down the road at 60-70 mph. (I'm not going to have a moment with someone driving down the road at 60-70 mph. Just not going to happen.)

There's a few more items on the list, but on the average, I'm kind of giving up. I've met other transplants who say they've been here for years and have never adjusted. Others say they just don't mess with them.

I know I'm just in a stage ... or I hope so, but any suggestions when reading this?

gotta say, being a southerner, at least formerly ( i live in CA now) ....this rings completely true and in accordance with so much of what i experienced growing up in a small, rural GA town. that whole jazz about southern hospitality is a myth. it happens, yeah, but there is some sort of trope in the world about how people are SO NICE DOWN SOUTH. and sometimes they just ain't.

this may sound strange, but i have found that southerners in the flatlands to be MUCH nicer. i lived in greenville sc for 5 years, and you wanna talk conservative? Bob Jones U is there, and they don't even allow women to wear pants. they also dont' allow interracial dating. they are a private school tho, so they pay their own way, they have a right to be as Victorian as they want, but still.
Having said that, Greenville was one of the nicest places i have ever lived. i broke down a few times and it wasn't 30 seconds before some good ol' (and nice) man or woman would stop and help me and before i knew it some cousin or another was under the hood trying to fix it for me. beautiful people. 20 percent were so conservative you could barely be in the same room with em, but the rest of the people seemed to go out of their way to "live and let live". that's the piedmont for you. not alot going on there, but i sure love me some greenville. i still have good friends there.

as opposed to the mountain folk- like where i came from. even tho the next paragraph will be something of a contradiction, mountain people like my family, who are descended from scotch-irish, have a historical xenophobia that stems from being a border people- often engaged in border wars. a fantastic book you should read is "salvation on sand mountain". has alot of great info about the scotch irish and their descendants. made so much stuff make sense for me.

and now for the contradiction....western north carolina- asheville, black mountain, etc- they have a long history of openmindedness. john cage and bucky fuller used to teach at black mountain, if that gives you any indication. i found asheville to be like the san francisco of the south.

good luck.

[vikingnyc]

Originally Posted by timberline742

How much time have you given it? If it is less than a couple of years, it just might be wanting too much, too fast..

Wow! Why so slow? When I moved to NYC, I did not get this vibe even though I was an outsider with locals. In fact, I was welcomed right away. We never became bosom buddies or anything, but at least I could go to a place and wouldn't be ostracized on the spot. And if....god forbid...I am, I just go next door and be welcomed there by someone.
My retirement spot is Maine. Not the south. No desire except to taste the Texas bbq I keep hearing about!!

[NRaleigh Mom]

Not sure where to even start with many of the things you said VeganWriter.

First let me preface this by stating that I too am from the Bay Area and now live in NC. I am also married to a Black man that also wears a smile and a clean shirt

I'm not sure what county you really live in because your location states Durham but other posts of yours talk about Greensboro. If you truly are in Durham then I have no clue as to how you can state that you are in the most conservative county in NC.

If you live in Greensboro.......I can't really speak to that as I've only been to Greensboro a few times to buy our tractor from the Kubota dealer there and overall had a great experience with the locals. Sure they gave us a few stares at first but that can happen anywhere.

We currently live in a very populated city with many transplants but also purchased 20 acres out in the country (within a fairly short drive from Greensboro) with a population under 1000, 2 years ago and are always out and about in that area going to the local feed stores etc. So while I do understand that you may encounter a few people that won't accept you no matter how hard you try (one of our neighbors is like that), the majority of people really aren't as bad as you state. Personally I have found that for the most part if you give off positive vibes (and genuinely) then you will get that in return.

Oh and BTW - Did you take your own advice and rent for 6 months or longer so that you would know if the area was really right for you?

I'm also not clear on why you needed to make that statement about sex first. And then your comment about angry females....which by the way you said was true of the women in northern California. Is your real issue with lack of intimacy and finding a partner in the area you live in?

I was happy to read some of your further posts on this subject because I think you are starting to see that sometimes it's what is within us that makes our perception of others not always correct. So if all these so called negative people are surrounding you and "angry" women are in every place you live then I REALLY think it's time for some self reflective inner work. And I don't say that to be mean. I just think it's the only way that you will start to find some peace within yourself so that you can finally find peace wherever you may lay roots.

[usamathman]

I hear Raleigh is loaded with beautiful women that are very cooperative.

Great place for men in their 20's and 30's.