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This is a bit long, so I apologize in advance. I have a very close friend of four years. He's almost 51 and I'm 24. He and I text every day (I initiate 99% of the time). He's extraordinarily busy with his job and things he does outside of his job that we don't get much time very often to hang out, but still he finds time to chat with me almost daily. When he has the time, he's happy to hang out with me. I know this because he and I went on a vacation with my church choir. Many times the choir would go out and eat at special places, I asked him several times if I could sit with him, and he said "Sure" without hesitation.
He's the most loyal friend I've ever had. When I lost both of my Grandmothers around the same time, he was there for me in a way none of my other friends were. He listened to my worries, cries, fears, checked up on me on a daily basis for about half a week checking to see if I had been doing okay. When my mom was relapsed with her cancer a little over a month ago and in the hospital getting chemo, I would just tell him all the stuff going on with her. I'd usually give him a daily update (sometimes graphic details), and I'd ask him if it was too much to send him all this so often or even the graphic details, and he said, "Daily is fine, and I have no problem with graphic details." He's done little and big favors for me, told me a really big secret recently, and so much more.
I really love the man with all my heart, and even though his busy-ness gets on my nerves sometimes and I get frustrated with him (to the point sometimes where he's like, "I can't understand why I can never make you happy") my love for him is incredibly strong. I've never felt such love for anyone before. As such, I do talk about him all the time. Every opportunity I get to bring him up in conversation, I do it. I think about him all the time too. The man has done SO much for me, and I've never really thought it odd that I consider him, who is as old as my dad, my best friend.
That is, until my sister was talking to me about it...
My mom had been doing her cancer treatment in my city rather than back where she lives (my city has one of the best cancer hospitals in the nation). She was released to leave the hospital, but she needed to stay in town (so, she stayed at her late mother's house) for two weeks so that she could go back and forth to the hospital daily for tests. One of my sisters took care of her while she was here as she needed 24/7 looking after.
I went to visit my mom and sister one night after work. I would eat dinner with them and then just hang out with my mom and sister at the house. My sister and I drove to the store to get some food to cook for supper. On the drive there, my sister asks, "Why don't you have any friends your own age? Why are you so close to someone so much older than you?" Well, I do have plenty of friends my own age, but they're not nearly as close as my other older friend. She thought it was really weird that I was so close to my older friend. She thought I should find some other friends that are my own age to hang out with instead. She thought it was kinda creepy for me to hang out with this older man and talk about him so much.
That kinda threw me for a loop. Is it really wrong to have these sort of feelings for someone who's so much older? I know he has friends who are my age, but I'm probably one of his better friends in my age group. He doesn't seem to have a problem with it. How should I take this?
I don't think it's weird. I like having friends of various ages. I actually think it's weird when grown adults ONLY hang out with people who are close in age. I think they are missing out.
If you are comfortable and happy with the friendship then it is your choice who to be friends with.
Your sister really should keep her opinions to herself.
One can learn a lot from The Elders if they would just spend time, listen and ask questions.
I agree with some of the others here, that nothing is wrong at all with having older friends. You can learn much about life and many other things through the experience of older friends, I personally believe it will enrich your life for having these people in it.
The guy sounds like a surrogate parent or grandparent; a kind of village elder who dispenses sage advice as needed. Do you love him as a grandparent or as someone you want to have sex with? You sound obsessed and infatuated, while he sounds more like a guy who is being nice to a young lady who needs some support.
If you are just friends that is fine, I am fairly close to a lot of my daughters friends and I am 50 they are all 25, most of them my wife and I have known for years and they are like the kids we never had.
I have friends of all ages and am the "older friend" to younger people myself. That said, you sound a little obsessive about it...
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I've never felt such love for anyone before. As such, I do talk about him all the time. Every opportunity I get to bring him up in conversation, I do it. I think about him all the time too.
Do you have romantic interests in him? Does he share that? Is he married or involved with someone else? So many questions.
ANYWAY...chill out about it. Nobody wants a friend who's an obsessive stalker who's happiness is dependent on the friendship and it sounds like you are straddling that line.
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