Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
Your story is very interesting and sad, but you're talking about a 20 yr friendship since high school, these two work together in an office.
I would be willing to be it is a "casual friendship".
She even said they stand around and talk about work at these social events, which show their "work buddies" and nothing more. Keep it in the office and go out to lunch on work days.
Time to find friends outside of the workplace.
That's the smart way to do it. Keep your personal and professional life separate.
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Yep, my point was that even when the friendship is a much more significant thing...it is silly to try and compete with a romantic interest.
Let ALONE with a more casual workplace friendship. Although I totally understand one's primary social circle being comprised of coworkers. I might suggest the OP to look into some interests outside of the workplace that could lead to friendships. Book or art clubs, bowling or pool teams, you name it. People everywhere like to get social around an activity they enjoy. Just find something ya like and go meet people while doing it. (Mine is concerts, and I've made about 50-60 friends I value and over 100 acquaintances traveling to various shows and networking about music interests.)
It's my belief that the right thing to do here though, is to back off diplomatically. If the relationship doesn't last and one day he wants to be friends again with no drama in the picture, then fine.
But the bottom line is when I sense drama, I am out. I won't play tug of war over a friend.
Also the problem with having friendship or a relationship with coworkers that stretches beyond work and into one's personal life, is if something happens (drama strikes!) and things stop being friendly, you still have to see that person every day at work. It can get awkward. I also refuse to be around my coworkers when they drink alcohol for what it's worth, because I had a boss who would get hammered and behave disgustingly and I could no longer respect her as a supervisor...that image was in my head forever.
Definitely something to be said for keeping those realms separate.