Do you tell your close friends what you don't like about them? (person, retired)

[I'm Retired Now]

I have few very close friends. (only four of them). But they are not buddies, chatting partners or friends of the situation. These are really close friends of a number of years. These are emotional connections.

Because I offer them true friendship and give them a lot, I expect a lot from them. On occasion they let me down when I really need them.

Typically in America we play the passive aggressive game with our platonic friends. If they don't serve our needs we just drop contact, instead of sitting them down and tell them why there is problems. With close friends that seems so fake. But in the past when I am honest, they act strange because no other friends are honest when they disappointed them, they just drifted apart passive aggressively.

So, do you tell your close friends what you don't like about them? Where they are lacking in their friendship?

[luvmyhoss]

No, I would take a 'resrt period' and try again. No one likes criticism

[oh-eve]

Dropping them without giving them a reason or resting period without explanation is cruel. Friends supposed to be trustworthy and honest.

I tell them what I don't like about them if it is something that really bothers me. They do the same. If I make dumb decisions, they tell me and I like that. We discuss it and both put our points of view on the table. How can I be a better person if I don't get suggestions and help from others? How do I know I am wrong if nobody tells me?

I had a friend drop me last year, without a word. Until this day I am trying to figure out why and can't find an answer. I wish she would have told me what I did so I can move on or explain myself.

[Pitt Chick]

I don't have to tell my very close friends what I don't like about them.
If things were that bad, they would not be my close friends.

We DO discuss problems in the relationships, but it is nothing like you describe. Just minor stuff...

[Zeurich]

I know what you mean I am going through also something same. Honestly I feel like being ignored from the way they behave. But I think at some point we need to let them know how we feel. But I am also not sure what to do.

[Harpaint]

The phrase "sitting them down" says a lot about your attitude here: condescending, arrogant, and not at all sensitive. They would find it very "disappointing". Compliments and thanks bring out the best whereas criticism does the opposite. Learn to become a better friend yourself by not having expectations of others and telling them how to behave.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now

So, do you tell your close friends what you don't like about them? Where they are lacking in their friendship?

So you're basically asking if we are a bunch of azzhats?

No. I don't go around freely telling people what I don't like about them. When my opinion is asked, I phrase any criticism in the most positive and productive way possible.

Thank gawd they do the same with me, I have a lot of faults.

[Kayekaye]

No.

[spencgr]

There is a HUGE difference between telling "your close friends what you don't like about them" and explaining how a specific thing they did hurt you.

I would refrain from using the word "dissapointed", though. It alludes to a relationship of authority, rather than true friends and peers.

[Zeurich]

Originally Posted by Harpaint

The phrase "sitting them down" says a lot about your attitude here: condescending, arrogant, and not at all sensitive. They would find it very "disappointing". Compliments and thanks bring out the best whereas criticism does the opposite. Learn to become a better friend yourself by not having expectations of others and telling them how to behave.

I don't think that quiet right thing to say. If some one offers a true honest friend ship I don't see there is a problem expecting the same.