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One of the best things I learned in therapy was to accept your emotions, not deny them, BUT don't act out your emotions on other people. Take a step back and decide to act in a responsible way, not throwing a fit. Some of my worst memories are when I was rude because I was feeling hurt and angry.
I would definitely feel hurt the way the director handled this situation. So your emotions are understandable. Now, what are you going to DO? You can choose to quit, no one can force you to stay. Or you can express your judgment to the director that his/her action is not helpful to the program. You've heard of the "I" statement technique, right? " When a co-teacher was assigned to my class, I felt surprised and would like to know how you see my role developing this semester"
If you decide to stay, hopefully after an honest (calm) discussion with your director you can work alongside the mother, but this will be a choice on your part, to agree with yourself to feel hurt but to act professional, while calling on the power of prayer and looking to The Lord for strength.
One other thing, I think this mother 'helicoptering' over her child is hugely unwise. What will she do, follow the girl up the grades, volunteering for each new year's class? Poor kid.
That's why this bothers me. If the director asked me if I wanted an assistant would have been one thing. However this mom only coming in because of her daughter is a hug red flag. I'm going to calmly tell the director I don't like this at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari
When I used to teach a peer Sunday school class I actually loved it when another person helped with teaching. We used to each have the class every other week. It gave me a chance to be a "student" in the class and so forth. It also gave me a chance to have another teachers perspective on things, and that was a really good thing.
I know when I taught kids I would have loved to have had a co-teacher or even an assistant but the church had such a hard time getting people to teach the classes...
I've always had an assistant and had no issue with that. However they were assistant and we worked together. This woman obviously wants to take over the class.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplepeach
I feel for you. I can understand the anger at the way the new mom is taking control when you are doing a wonderful job. I agree that is is the directors fault in telling you she is an assistant but telling her she is a co-pilot. And for allowing her into the class to begin with just because her daughter is shy. That is NOT going to help her daughter! It appears the Mom is being disrespectful to your position as her superior. However, it is not Christian to treat her with disrespect. We all have Jesus living in us and how you treat her is how you are treating the Jesus within her. I second the idea of talking to the director about defining each of your positions as teacher/assistant. I would think the teacher is in charge, and the assistant takes direction from the teacher. Maybe it just needs to be made clear to her. However, if she is the super 'take charge' type, I would be very interested in how to handle it. I volunteered for our boy scouts troop and was pushed out by a person just like this who had to be everywhere and tried to take every position. Some moms were fine with it because they didn't want any responsibility anyway, but I wanted to help and wasnt able to navigate how to deal with her dominance issue!
Perhaps God is leading you to a different path He has for you. Remember, it is His will, not ours. We are not in control here, He is. Try looking for another door
That's the thing, she's only volunteering because of her daughter. I've had shy kids and am shy myself so I understand them and I know what will happen is hover over the kid. Even if someone else came to me wanting to volunteer I would be fine. This whole thing is a problem and being they've already had problems with parents in class (several teachers quit because of it)you'd think they would realize it's not a good thing.
If you weren't in the past, you're certainly about to become one.
They should of thought of that before this woman got into my business. The director claims she will only be an assistant but I question that. Maybe she will be an assistant or quit when I make it known I will not give up my class.
''Wow'' is right.
Someone needs to learn the lessons of humility and charity.
Yeah and this sort of ego mania is a real good reason to stay home on
Sunday morning with my dogs and my coffee.
Ugh!
With all due respect...the OP is clear from what I have read.
We are not meant to be doormats...that kind of humiilty is not what
the Good Lord wants of us.
Boldness, fearlessness, power and confidence are gifts...and they are often misinterpreted
as ego...when they are far from it...in order to have the clarity God gives us ...first had to
to come humility of acceptance and allowing for the Holy Spirit to come thru us.
Now, in other religions being a doormat is 'the thing' ask a Buddhist.
Being clear with kindness is being charitable, FeelinLow.
They should of thought of that before this woman got into my business. The director claims she will only be an assistant but I question that. Maybe she will be an assistant or quit when I make it known I will not give up my class.
What happened to sharing the duties?
Can't the two of you just get along and share the duties?
Both of you come across as difficult individuals to deal with.
It would benefit everyone if the two of you would get along and share the duties.
The two of you will be role models to your students.
What kind of role model do you want to be to your students?
Can't the two of you just get along and share the duties?
That would be too Christian/Catholic like and a step on the original poster's ego which is certainly not making it appear that she is a hypocrite and only teaching for the accolades, acknowledgement and glory for herself because it is certainly not for the Glory of God that she is doing this.
If it is your class, set the rules firmly but politely but assertively. If someone wants to help, you can look at the materials they provide or what they have to say, and if you want to use it, then fine. If not, then politely assertively decline.
You are doing God's work. God is your boss. Anything that wont please the boss, you have to decline.
With all due respect...the OP is clear from what I have read.
We are not meant to be doormats...that kind of humiilty is not what
the Good Lord wants of us.
Boldness, fearlessness, power and confidence are gifts...and they are often misinterpreted
as ego...when they are far from it...in order to have the clarity God gives us ...first had to
to come humility of acceptance and allowing for the Holy Spirit to come thru us.
Now, in other religions being a doormat is 'the thing' ask a Buddhist.
Being clear with kindness is being charitable, FeelinLow.
That's it. I am very kind, otherwise I wouldn't be teaching. I'm not doing it for anything except I enjoy it. I have had assistants in the past and enjoy having them. This situation is NOT like that. It's a mom who has never volunteered for anything before coming in because she wants to (she's being selfish, not me)and take over my class. She obviously has no interest in actually teaching otherwise she would already be doing it. Rather, her interest is hovering over her child. But now I have to co teach with someone who has no business even being there.
I don't get why many aren't getting it. It doesn't have to do with me being a diva or on an ego trip. It has to do with someone butting in only because of their child and disrupting everything. Next year she'll either be gone or will move up with her kid. My assistants have always worked with me and I gave them responsibilities. I doubt she'll accept these.
If it is your class, set the rules firmly but politely but assertively. If someone wants to help, you can look at the materials they provide or what they have to say, and if you want to use it, then fine. If not, then politely assertively decline.
You are doing God's work. God is your boss. Anything that wont please the boss, you have to decline.
Yeah that's what I'm going to do. My previous assistants would sometimes come to me with ideas, and often they worked. In particular my older assistant who now teaches.
I dont understand when someone is responsible for a class (or whatever it is) and they need to set the boundaries/rules, they are called a diva. Thats ridiculous.
I don't get why many aren't getting it. It doesn't have to do with me being a diva or on an ego trip.
It has to do with someone butting in only because of their child and disrupting everything.
Next year she'll either be gone or will move up with her kid.
My assistants have always worked with me and I gave them responsibilities.
I doubt she'll accept these.
I hear ya sister.
She may surprise you and with a simple explanation of your roles, she may
be great.
Quote:
ChicagoMeO: I dont understand when someone is responsible for a class...
and they need to set the boundaries/rules, they are called a diva....
I'm thinking there is a distorted concept of what humility is and perhaps that person has had
experiences of being walked all over or bullied and just can't differentiate the difference...so has a 'blanket
idea' of someone that is clear and knows what is what as being in their ego,
thus, now labeling a person as a 'diva' ?
It is very common...a reaction from their own bad experiences...thus, projecting.
I probably just made a few enemies here! Ha! Playing junior psychologist...oh well.
Last edited by Miss Hepburn; 09-01-2014 at 12:27 PM..
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I'm thinking there is a distorted concept of what humility is and perhaps that person has had
