Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't understand when someone is responsible for a class (or whatever it is) and they need to set the boundaries/rules, they are called a diva. That's ridiculous.
She comes across as a diva in some of her replies.
I think this mother needs a good dose of reality and this is not going to help her daughter at all if anything it is going to teach her daughter that she can run to mommy everytime something does not come easy to her and this mother is doing her a child disservice she needs a good parenting class not a church position . I m sorry but I also have dealt with mothers like this and there is one word for them helicopter moms ...they hover and never give their children time to develop on their own .
With everyone piling on, is it any wonder the op is defensive and is coming across the way she is? Look at her initial post and then read some of your responses. Is THAT what Jesus would do?
OP, I understand why you think this is a bad idea as far as the reason she is doing this, because if mom is always around, the child has no need to get over her shyness. I would have a discussion about that with the director.
Secondly, you probably feel invested in what you do. You have your lessons and you're accustomed to the routine and if you have an assistant it's typically a teenager who is going to stay out of the way and just help out as requested. Now you have someone who is more of a peer, and people are already empowering her by calling her your co-pilot, rather than assistant, and asking for her advice.
When this happens in business, which is very similar, it shows a disregard for the person who has been in place. It's forcing someone on you without the courtesy of a conversation. And in a way, it disempowers you.
My advice is to take all of the emotion out of it and all of the criticism and have a discussion with the Director. Beyond that, view this as a done deal and an opportunity for you to take charge in a nice, professional way. When people get upset about situations like this it can mean they lack confidence and feel someone stronger than they are will steamroll them and they'll lost control. I sense you may be feeling a bit of that. So, learn how to take the lead while you continue to respect this other woman, listen to her suggestions, be willing to implement any that make sense, tell her you appreciate her input, and just take charge with a professional, kind demeanor.
ETA: It's perfectly fine to remind her of her position by introducing her as your assistant as long as you do so respectfully.
This is actually a great opportunity to gain confidence in yourself and remain a good Christian example to others. Step up to the plate and welcome it.
Okay I am kind of angry and hope I am overreacting. I have been a teacher for religious education at the church for three years and while I don't get paid I feel appreciated for doing it. I'm also getting compliments from the parents and the kids all love me. I have to attend 6 credit hours a year in college classes as part of my teaching and they pay. In addition I have to write up a lesson plan every year and the kids have to reach standards by the end of the year. Even though it's volunteer it is a lot of work.
So anyway, a couple weeks ago I go into the office to talk to the director (I have known her for years outside of church and we have a great relationship)and notice a mom registering her kids for class. I talk to the mom and she tells me her daughter will be in my class and she's shy. I also saw the director giving her information for being involved in the program telling her they always need help. It didn't register until a week later and in the bulletin it listed as teachers for my class me and her. I was livid as you can imagine and called the director who told me she was going to be my assistant like my other assistants. I had other assistants but both were younger women (one was in jr high, the other in high school). I was assured she was only my assistant. According to the director she wants to work for the church because her daughter is shy and she thinks it's better she has her in the class.
However when we had a teacher meeting she was there and not only that but she kept talking about all these ideas she had for "Our" class. I confronted the director and she said look at it as a "co pilot". In the meeting she was introduced as working with me. The deacon started asking her ideas on how the education program can be better because she is apparently a working teacher (I am a teacher too, but I mostly work with adults). Another teacher told me she had the same problem where a parent decided to be an "assistant" and she ended up getting kicked out. When they started talking to this new person another long term teacher looked at me and said it looked like I was being pushed out, which it felt like that. Afterwards both the director and the deacon assured me that wasn't the case. They are also ordering another teaching manual but I suspect it's a manual she can use. I was very rude to her in the meeting with her talking about her ideas and she told the director looks like I don't like her. I flatly told the director I don't know this woman enough to dislike her but do dislike having a co teacher when I am a solo act. Like I said I have had assistants and I would ask them for ideas but they never asked for copies of the syllabus or telling me what should be done.
Am I overreacting? The first day I plan to tell her bluntly I am the teacher.
Big time.
Get your ego out of the way, there is no place for it at church
With everyone piling on, is it any wonder the op is defensive and is coming across the way she is? Look at her initial post and then read some of your responses. Is THAT what Jesus would do?
OP, I understand why you think this is a bad idea as far as the reason she is doing this, because if mom is always around, the child has no need to get over her shyness. I would have a discussion about that with the director.
Secondly, you probably feel invested in what you do. You have your lessons and you're accustomed to the routine and if you have an assistant it's typically a teenager who is going to stay out of the way and just help out as requested. Now you have someone who is more of a peer, and people are already empowering her by calling her your co-pilot, rather than assistant, and asking for her advice.
When this happens in business, which is very similar, it shows a disregard for the person who has been in place. It's forcing someone on you without the courtesy of a conversation. And in a way, it dis-empowers you.
My advice is to take all of the emotion out of it and all of the criticism and have a discussion with the Director. Beyond that, view this as a done deal and an opportunity for you to take charge in a nice, professional way. When people get upset about situations like this it can mean they lack confidence and feel someone stronger than they are will steamroll them and they'll lost control. I sense you may be feeling a bit of that. So, learn how to take the lead while you continue to respect this other woman, listen to her suggestions, be willing to implement any that make sense, tell her you appreciate her input, and just take charge with a professional, kind demeanor.
ETA: It's perfectly fine to remind her of her position by introducing her as your assistant as long as you do so respectfully.
This is actually a great opportunity to gain confidence in yourself and remain a good Christian example to others. Step up to the plate and welcome it.
I wish you the best of luck!
Well...
The OP admitted that she was rude to mom who will be assisting in her class.
So she did not start things off on the right foot.
She comes across as a diva in some of her replies.
Not to me.
She just needs Christian advice or reminders or inspiration or fellowship to
move in love and confidence and clarity.
We are human and may have a first reaction of indignation...and then we settle down.
We are all works in progress.
The OP admitted that she was rude to mom who will be assisting in her class.
So she did not start things off on the right foot.
When people are unaware they can take control, they often try to steamroll the steamroller, or the person being empowered. I believe that's what we're seeing.
Not to me.
She just needs Christian advice or reminders or inspiration or fellowship to
move in love and confidence and clarity.
We are human and may have a first reaction of indignation...and then we settle down.
We are all works in progress.
So would this describe how the OP felt?
righteous indignation
noun
retribution, retributive justice; anger and contempt combined with a feeling that it is one's right to feel that way; anger without guilt
I dont understand when someone is responsible for a class (or whatever it is) and they need to set the boundaries/rules, they are called a diva. Thats ridiculous.
Exactly. I have done things a certain way for years and they work since the kids in my class not only make the expectations they exceed them. I take a lot of care in what I do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn
I hear ya sister.
She may surprise you and with a simple explanation of your roles, she may
be great.
I'm thinking there is a distorted concept of what humility is and perhaps that person has had
experiences of being walked all over or bullied and just can't differentiate the difference...so has a 'blanket
idea' of someone that is clear and knows what is what as being in their ego,
thus, now labeling a person as a 'diva' ?
It is very common...a reaction from their own bad experiences...thus, projecting.
I probably just made a few enemies here! Ha! Playing junior psychologist...oh well.
I hope so too, but have had many experience with being walked on. Being the director is such a pushover (that's what this is, nothing to do with my attitude or wanting to be rid of me)I fear I will be pushed out. The other teacher went through the same thing and was pushed out. She returned the next year with the assurance this would never happen again. She was telling me this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61
I think this mother needs a good dose of reality and this is not going to help her daughter at all if anything it is going to teach her daughter that she can run to mommy everytime something does not come easy to her and this mother is doing her a child disservice she needs a good parenting class not a church position . I m sorry but I also have dealt with mothers like this and there is one word for them helicopter moms ...they hover and never give their children time to develop on their own .
Exactly. I've had a few helicopter moms before but they didn't hover over the kid, they knew I would be great and I was. They came and got the kid after school and let go. This girl will have problems as she gets older.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MPowering1
With everyone piling on, is it any wonder the op is defensive and is coming across the way she is? Look at her initial post and then read some of your responses. Is THAT what Jesus would do?
OP, I understand why you think this is a bad idea as far as the reason she is doing this, because if mom is always around, the child has no need to get over her shyness. I would have a discussion about that with the director.
Secondly, you probably feel invested in what you do. You have your lessons and you're accustomed to the routine and if you have an assistant it's typically a teenager who is going to stay out of the way and just help out as requested. Now you have someone who is more of a peer, and people are already empowering her by calling her your co-pilot, rather than assistant, and asking for her advice.
When this happens in business, which is very similar, it shows a disregard for the person who has been in place. It's forcing someone on you without the courtesy of a conversation. And in a way, it disempowers you.
My advice is to take all of the emotion out of it and all of the criticism and have a discussion with the Director. Beyond that, view this as a done deal and an opportunity for you to take charge in a nice, professional way. When people get upset about situations like this it can mean they lack confidence and feel someone stronger than they are will steamroll them and they'll lost control. I sense you may be feeling a bit of that. So, learn how to take the lead while you continue to respect this other woman, listen to her suggestions, be willing to implement any that make sense, tell her you appreciate her input, and just take charge with a professional, kind demeanor.
ETA: It's perfectly fine to remind her of her position by introducing her as your assistant as long as you do so respectfully.
This is actually a great opportunity to gain confidence in yourself and remain a good Christian example to others. Step up to the plate and welcome it.
I wish you the best of luck!
Thanks. I was only rude to her because she started taking over the class at the meeting and said we were going to do things. I said "whatever" because I was angry. They were treating her as a peer instead of an assistant. Later when she wasn't there they called her my assistant but she definitely thinks she is a co teacher. She was asking for the syllabus and telling me ideas and all of that. I told her she could do crafts but I'm thinking that is already giving her power.
whenever i start finding myself saying you you you and them them them
i know i got stuff i need to work on
i am powerless over others
hobbies and art and gardening and taking care of a cat has helped me far more than my volunteer work
too often my volunteer work has a hidden agenda.
self examination is critical
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm thinking there is a distorted concept of what humility is and perhaps that person has had