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Your BF is going to have to encourage his mother to get a job.
Where does she think she's going to live after 35 days?
Have you guys sat down with her and made a plan?
Tried too many times over the years. It got nowhere. Denial and apathy.
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Originally Posted by SouthernBelleInUtah
Do NOT let her spend one night with you or you will never get her out. I am 72 y/o, disabled, and still working, she can do it, too! Don't enable her by trying to find the job for her, tell her of resources for jobs, the VA, and housing, and then step back.
Thanks. I'm definitely not going to back down with regards to her living with us. Also, thumbs up to you for still working.
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Originally Posted by CCc girl
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I do recall her going to the veteran services meetings to sort out her finances. I'll briefly mention it to her, so that maybe she'll follow up on that or we have an idea of what's going on.
I have a feeling that the "apathy" will continue as long as she has her son and you taking care of things. Give her the resources and step FAR back. Let her learn to take care of herself and that she does not have the resources to keep bailing out her deadbeat daughters.
After reading your other post concerning your parents - the two of you might benefit from running away from home together.
The VA has a housing program for homeless Veterans. It's call VASH. They can help find her immediate housing and long term housing. I am not sure if she has to be already homeless, but I think if she knows it's coming and can prove it they might be able to help her find something.
was your bf living with his mom to help her financially? was he paying some of the bills and mortgage? why was all this such a surprise?
if she wasn't paying mortgage and bills for 2 years, where is all that money? perhaps she has a savings she hasn't told you about.
was your bf living with his mom to help her financially? was he paying some of the bills and mortgage? why was all this such a surprise? if she wasn't paying mortgage and bills for 2 years, where is all that money? perhaps she has a savings she hasn't told you about.
From one of the OP's other threads, it sounds like part of it was going for custody battles with the grandkids' stable parent (her ex-SILs). Looks like it was a darn good thing she didn't get custody.
I know someone like this - she is always in some sort of self-started legal battle with someone - even though she cannot really afford it. It's her addiction - and she can then star in her own soap opera, for herself.
I have a feeling that the "apathy" will continue as long as she has her son and you taking care of things. Give her the resources and step FAR back. Let her learn to take care of herself and that she does not have the resources to keep bailing out her deadbeat daughters.
After reading your other post concerning your parents - the two of you might benefit from running away from home together.
Haha. yeah, we should just run away and never come back. I do think that things happen all for a reason though. The whole thing with my mom gave me a real knock on the head. Maybe it was just a precursor for this? My mom's situation is the reason why I am adamantly refusing to put my future on hold because of a parent's selfishness and apathy. That situation made us both agree that we're not taking care of my parents OR his parents. Come what may, we're help, but no way will we jeopardize out relationship. Life is short. His mom's situation is more dire, but I'm more clear headed now. Again, everything happens for a reason.
With that in mind.
Dear parents of the world,
Whatever you do, plan ahead. You gave birth to your kids. They didn't ask to be born. Don't count on them as some financial backup plan. Your kids will end up resenting you and you're just ruining their life. To do so is SELFISH. If this is your mentality in giving birth to them, then don't be surprise when things don't go your way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BadKittehs
The VA has a housing program for homeless Veterans. It's call VASH. They can help find her immediate housing and long term housing. I am not sure if she has to be already homeless, but I think if she knows it's coming and can prove it they might be able to help her find something.
Thanks, will advise her to do this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheryjohns
From one of the OP's other threads, it sounds like part of it was going for custody battles with the grandkids' stable parent (her ex-SILs). Looks like it was a darn good thing she didn't get custody.
I know someone like this - she is always in some sort of self-started legal battle with someone - even though she cannot really afford it. It's her addiction - and she can then star in her own soap opera, for herself.
The money goes in and out because she doesn't know how to hold onto it. Lawsuits, daughter's rehab, daughter's blah blah blah, grandkids custody, blah blah blah, BS fees, blah blah blah. Describes my bf's mom perfectly when it comes to lawsuit. Maybe we're talking of the same person? I think the only person that she hasn't sued is my boyfriend and I.
Goodnight everyone and thanks for the advices. I'm just ranting now. If anything, this is more of a "getoffmychest" type of thing. Thanks again.
First off, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, so we're definitely serious. We got the shock of our lives yesterday when he was given a notice to vacate his mom's house in 35 days. The house is foreclosed and we all knew it was coming about 2 years ago when the bills were not being paid, but that doesn't make it any less shocking that it happened yesterday.
I'm living with my parents while paying rent and helping them out. My boyfriend will be moving in with me and paying rent as well. For us, we're be fine since we both have jobs and can take care of ourselves. We both have the same mentality towards finances and money.
The problem is what can we do for his mom? We both agreed that his mom CANNOT live with us whether we have a house in the future or rent. Ever. Yes, that's the bottom line. No its, ands, or buts about that and I'm sticking to that decision.
Background regarding his mom:
She's made a TON of mistakes over the her lifespan. There's so many mistakes that I don't even know where to begin. She's a lovely lady and we both love her, but she's made countless mistakes as I've said. She's not talking to any family members even though she has numerous sisters, her two ex husbands were hit with major financial difficulties after divorcing her (so she's burned that bridge), her two daughters were/are in jail. She's been enabling them over the years and this is the result. They stole, lie, cheat, and deceive, yet she still has a 'superhero' complex to try and help them even now. She has nothing and I mean nothing. No job, no marketable skills, no 401k, no benefits, no retirement income, and now no home in 35 days at almost 60 years old.
I know that she's dug a huge huge hole for herself and there's no one to blame now except herself for her decisions and apathy. She's burned a lot of bridges, we can all see that. Everyone has to face the limelight and face the consequences. I don't need others telling me that it's her problem, actions have consequences, etc, etc. We're just trying to help her not be homeless.
My question is what are our options in terms of her housing? Any reason or conditions that we can claim to allow her to stay in the house longer? Any programs or experience by members who have been in this situation would be much appreciated. BTW, she's a veteran and we live in NJ.
Any tips on what to do with the furniture aside from craigslist, consignment shops, or yard sales?
Sounds a lot like my ex-MIL. She was a walking financial disaster, didn't graduate from high school and had zero skills. Also, very rough around the edges, so a job dealing with the public was NOT in the cards for her. She worked on assembly lines her whole life, moving from town to town, quitting in a huff, leaving her stuff behind and buying all new stuff on credit. She got in all sorts of car accidents (always her fault) and would drop off the radar for months at a time hiding from creditors. She asked periodically if she could stay with us (temporarily, or course), but never agreed to our conditions: namely that she get her GED and get some sort of education to get a career going. We moved frequently for my ex's job, and she always followed us. The last straw was when my ex fell for her sob story, and she moved in with us for 2 months until she got on her feet. Well, a brand new red convertible and gallons of wine later, I gave him the ultimatum - either she goes, or both of their stuff would be tossed to the curb. She went, and it was the best thing that happened to her. She got a decent job, and managed to scrape together enough money to buy a small home.
We set clear boundaries, stuck to them, and never forgot it was her life she was choosing to live. We couldn't fix her, control her or lecture her. And we refused to enable her. Once it was sink or swim, she swam.
She should've gotten roommates to help pay bills or moved out altogether and just rented it out until she could get back on her feet. But shoulda coulda woulda.
If she were my mom I would not just let her sleep on the street. If I were your boyfriend I would rent (or buy depending on my credit and downpayment situation) a home, have my mom move in and use whatever government assistance she qualifies for to help pay the bills. Or apply for section 8 housing.
And...I don't know how many times I've said this on this forum but...IF YOU LIVE IN SOME PLACE EXPENSIVE LIKE NEW YORK, LA OR THE BAY AREA AND ARE BROKE THEN YOU NEED TO MOVE TO THE SOUTH WHERE YOU CAN BUY A HOME FOR WELL UNDER $100,000!!!!
You and your boyfriend can get a house and move her in with you. While there she can get a job and work and save enough for her own place. She's his mother for crying out loud. You are just going to let her be homeless?
You have made your position pretty clear. But at her age I don't hold out much hope for her getting her act together. She has not had a good life and clearly cannot take care of herself. Living like you presented her entire life has many aspects of mental illness showing. This is difficult but she needs to be taken care of.
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I think the only person that she hasn't sued is my boyfriend and I.
She has nothing and I mean nothing. No job, no marketable skills, no 401k, no benefits, no retirement income, and now no home in 35 days at almost 60 years old. 
