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To the habitually late people that are incapable of being anywhere on time, how about mentioning that ahead of time to whomever you're making an appt. with - lunch, dinner plans, etc. Just say something like if I'm not there at the planned time within 10 minutes, I probably won't show up, or say I'm usually always late so perhaps let's meet within a 15 min window. Since, the chronically late people really means "maybe" I'll be there at 8 a.m. Be honest about it, that's the least a habitually late person should do ahead of time. Don't act like it's a "one time" thing being late, be forthcoming with the info - will certainly save the on time person time and stress not have to play these games.
Nice idea but the chronically late tend to then just be later still. My ex was like that. Our date nights used to start at 7:00, and he would show up at 7:15. Once we lived closer to each other, it became "7:00-7:15ish" which meant him showing up at 7:30. Then it was "between 7:15 and 7:30," and you guessed it, he'd show up at 7:45. It got to be a real PITA because by the time we got anywhere, sat down, ordered, and ate, it would be pushing 9:00. There were a number of times when I asked him to back it up to 7:00--for gawd's sake, he lives 2.7 miles away, no kidding--and he would still show up around 7:30. After a while, I just started having a snack around 6:30, and then he would get ticked when I just wanted an appetizer, but too bad. Got sick of getting to the point of fainting waiting around for him to get his arse in gear.
Nice idea but the chronically late tend to then just be later still. My ex was like that. Our date nights used to start at 7:00, and he would show up at 7:15. Once we lived closer to each other, it became "7:00-7:15ish" which meant him showing up at 7:30. Then it was "between 7:15 and 7:30," and you guessed it, he'd show up at 7:45. It got to be a real PITA because by the time we got anywhere, sat down, ordered, and ate, it would be pushing 9:00. There were a number of times when I asked him to back it up to 7:00--for gawd's sake, he lives 2.7 miles away, no kidding--and he would still show up around 7:30. After a while, I just started having a snack around 6:30, and then he would get ticked when I just wanted an appetizer, but too bad. Got sick of getting to the point of fainting waiting around for him to get his arse in gear.
And that's why he's your ex, right? It's a great reason to dump someone, IMO. That behavior is selfish and inconsiderate when done repeatedly, especially to one's SO
I'm late all the time. It has nothing to do with me being rude. I start getting ready well in advance of when I am due somewhere and something slows me down all the time. It has nothing to do with my inconsiderate. It just is what it is.
It has everything to do with your being inconsiderate. Your last line shows that.
After reading all these posts, I've concluded that some people are simply really bad at time management. Just like some people have no sense of direction, some people have no internal clock to tell them 15 minutes have just passed. Like one person said, they start out on time, then something happens to slow them down. I think these people get distracted--attention deficit disorder maybe--or they're just really bad at judging how long tasks take to complete.
But for the person who has no sense of direction, they adjust by using navigation or writing down directions. They don't just go, "It is what it is and I get lost every time I go somewhere. Oh well."
If you actually care about your friends, family, job, etc. you find a way to adjust for your disorder. Sounds to me like some on this forum just don't give a squat. And if you've got people in your lives who will put up with that, then good for you.
And that's why he's your ex, right? It's a great reason to dump someone, IMO. That behavior is selfish and inconsiderate when done repeatedly, especially to one's SO
That is not a reason to dump someone...come on, if he was great in 99 ways but late all the time...you just nag him about being late.
My husband is a late guy. Over the years he has gotten a bit better, especially after I have left with out him at times. We start to eat dinner before he gets home. We don't put our lives on hold for him, and that makes him less likely to be late.
But if I was like "hey this is a great guy who I love a ton, treats me well, would make a great dad...but he is late alot...I'm gonna dump him"...well I would have missed out on a family and life with him.
I have traits he is bugged by. I am chronically disorganized. I don't do it on purpose, and I try my best. But its how my brain is. And it impacts him often. But how he deals with it is he really doesn't let me touch his stuff (keys, credit card, etc). He makes me buy my own stamps if I need one! I think its fair, I think I would be like that too if the shoe was on the other foot.
Being late doesn't make people narcissists, although narcissists are often late. Too much black and white thinking going on here.
I'm late all the time. It has nothing to do with me being rude. I start getting ready well in advance of when I am due somewhere and something slows me down all the time. It has nothing to do with my inconsiderate. It just is what it is.
Yes, it does have everything with to do with you be rude and inconsiderate.
If "something slows me down all the time" then you need to factor that into your schedule so you are not late all the time. A random, unexpected car accident on the freeway is not something that you can plan for in advance, but the fact that rush hour starts at 7 AM is something that you need to consider. Or your teenage child throwing up just before you need to drive them to school is unexpected but a toddler dawdling or missing a shoe or losing their blankie or something before you leave for the drive to the day care center is something that you should plan for everyday in your schedule.
If something, or a variety of things, slow you down all the time, yes, you are the type of rude, egocentric person that annoy and upset many other people who count on you to be on time. Sheesh!
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot
It has everything to do with your being inconsiderate. Your last line shows that.
I agree. It just is what it is. How did your boss respond when you told him/her that after you were late to yet another important client meeting or business appointment? Or probably, he/she is now your former boss after they fired you for being late all of the time.
To the habitually late people that are incapable of being anywhere on time, how about mentioning that ahead of time to whomever you're making an appt. with - lunch, dinner plans, etc. Just say something like if I'm not there at the planned time within 10 minutes, I probably won't show up, or say I'm usually always late so perhaps let's meet within a 15 min window. Since, the chronically late people really means "maybe" I'll be there at 8 a.m. Be honest about it, that's the least a habitually late person should do ahead of time. Don't act like it's a "one time" thing being late, be forthcoming with the info - will certainly save the on time person time and stress not have to play these games.
Also, for large dinner parties at restaurants where everyone is waiting for that one late person or late couple. Do a favor and just not show up if you're not there within 10 min of the planned time. The restaurant won't seat a large group until everyone is there. I've had this happen and it's really a problem because now when the late person (s) finally show up, the restaurant cannot accommodate the large group, and now have to wait awhile for a table. Just call and say you can't make it and tell the dinner party to go ahead.
I was just reading about a fashion designer that got this big interview for a huge company, would launch anyone's career. She knew the night before she should check the directions and didn't, got lost and was 30 minutes late, she didn't get the job because of this and missed this huge opportunity.
Late people take some responsibility for your behavior, conduct yourself in an adult fashion and stop
wasting everyone else time. Habitually late person, make promptness a conscious priority.
I just don't agree with this. Basically, what you're doing is announcing to whomever that you will likely be inconveniencing them.
I just don't agree with this. Basically, what you're doing is announcing to whomever that you will likely be inconveniencing them.
So what's wrong with that? I think most people would rather get told that than be left sitting and waiting.
A) Someone tells you up front I am always late so can we be somewhat flexible with the time say between 9am and 9:30am, or I am not going to make it to the restaurant on time so the rest of you go ahead and enjoy.
B) Be kept waiting and stewing over someone who is 20 minutes late, or losing a reservation at a restaurant or have 5 of the 6 people there and everyone is being held up due to one person.
So what's wrong with that? I think most people would rather get told that than be left sitting and waiting.
A) Someone tells you up front I am always late so can we be somewhat flexible with the time say between 9am and 9:30am, or I am not going to make it to the restaurant on time so the rest of you go ahead and enjoy.
B) Be kept waiting and stewing over someone who is 20 minutes late, or losing a reservation at a restaurant or have 5 of the 6 people there and everyone is being held up due to one person.
I choose A.
I totally agree. When I go meet my friend who is often late, I meet her in a place where I wont feel like an idiot waiting. I bring a book or my ipad. And i have no anxiety like "did i get the wrong day or place? is she ok? did she forget?"
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