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I could see how this could easily become an issue depending on your upbringing. My wife is from old European tradition and it's expected you provide food and shelter to all your guests, even if that means air mattresses. And with her parents, if say you want a hotel because it's more comfortable and I make my own money, they get offended
My side of the family and I had enough a few years ago when she wanted my side to host an extended cousin of hers for a month! My Mom didn't even know this person. It caused major fallout.
There's a reason for the old saying, "Fish and company stink after three days."
OP, you are not being unreasonable. Even in the BEST of circumstances, as the most charming and extroverted hostess with the mostest, in a home equipped with guest quarters, anyone would be drained after three days of holidays, shopping and a three year old thrown into the mix.
And your circumstances are far less than ideal.
When are these people getting the heck out of your house?
Let me tell you what I did last year. We had a family health crisis (FIL open heart surgery) so my BIL and SIL and MIL all came to our house (my MIL is too elderly and feeble to stay by herself). Well, of course in an emergency you do what you have to do, but thankfully my FIL pulled through well, so things stabilized after about five days.
My husband and I were absolutely zonked by then though. Between the actual event and surgery, a house full of company, and my MIL's, well, dementia-aggravated craziness (she's always been a loose cannon but of course, some mild dementia and the stress of the situation really worked her over - understandably) for nearly a week, we wanted some peace and quiet. We started retreating to the bedroom on occasion, and my husband said one day, "Things are under control now - people need to start going back home." I agreed, but they were HIS people. He jumped up and said, "I am going to the store - we need some things," and he took off like a bat out of hell!
THIS WAS MY OPPORTUNITY.
I walked into the living room and my BIL and SIL were smiling and they said, "FINALLY - things are settled down a bit. What do you guys want to do tonight and tomorrow? Maybe we can go catch a movie - whaddya think?"
I said, "I am going to tell you what I really want. I really want everyone to go home. ____ won't tell you but I will - we're worn completely out. We love you and want to get together again soon, but under better circumstances."
Wow. Talk about an immediate response! They jumped up, packed up their bags, kissed me before they left and were gone before my husband got home! And the really cool thing was - they weren't mad. We enjoy each other's company and we get together about once every other month for a weekend and it's great. But it was time for them to GO.
When my husband got home he said, "Where is everyone?" I smiled and said, "I told them we wanted everyone to go home and that we are looking forward to seeing them again in a few weeks under better circumstances."
My husband grinned from ear to ear and said, "Oh my gosh. You are my hero."
I think my inlaws were staying more out of a sense of obligation to the situation and were happy to have an excuse to get back home. Maybe that's the case with your husband's extended family. Surely they're not having a grand ol' time all crowded up in your little place.
Like a few other people, I think the husband's response is half the OP's issue - and it would be for me as well.
What happened is that they had a car. Granted, husband paid for their car rental, but they are comfortable driving. I'm 24 and my husband's 30, but we still don't have a car, because neither of us are comfortable driving.
So he suggested that instead of us hiring movers and having furniture delivered for $59 extra, that we let his family stay with us for the long holiday weekend.
Of course, he'd have been perfectly fine if they didn't help at all, he just wanted his family there. I didn't want to seem like a ball and chain by saying no or requesting that they stay in a motel.
What actually makes it extra tough is that his mother is sooo nice! She insisted on paying for our sofa, despite our protests. So we had to choose the very cheapest couch instead of the one either of us actually wanted (which we would've been able to afford).
Same thing with food. We'd have wanted to buy better food, but didn't want MIL to feel guilty, etc.
Husband also insisted that he and I sleep on the ground in the living room, so his parents could have our room the whole time. Luckily (for me), MIL/FIL refused to take our bedroom, which husband is annoyed about.
The 3 year old constantly barges into the bedroom, throws stuff around and screams, and when I gently usher him out and lock the bedroom door, the husband makes me feel like a monster, and says I'd better get used to this (for when we have kids one day).
I'll be honest....drinks would be nice! Unfortunately his family is comprised of conservative Mormons and Catholics, so I have to sneak around with the booze lol.
And even my husband, because he yells at me for even having a Red Bull (sugar free) in the morning to wake myself up...
Yeah. Thinking about it, I can't do this again. I'll have to be the bad guy and put my foot down. Next time, it's either motels or his family's place, should they wish to host.
Last edited by ohhwanderlust; 11-29-2014 at 10:55 AM..
Well first off what exactly did they help you move? You said they came up(must have been from Southern CA) to help you move, than you mention them navigating Black Friday to help you furnish the place. So what exactly got moved into this one bedroom apt?
And if you needed "extras" for the apartment, you wait until next week after the BF nonsense is over.
Next time hire movers.
And where is this mother/father of this 3 year old baby? It's not your child the way your worded the post. So this is child of his brother or sister? Why aren't they watching it?
Common sense should have told you, that you can't have 7 people in a one bedroom/one bathroom apartment other than for a get together for a few hours.
It's his sister's son (the father's not in the picture), and she's there. But no one in that family ever tells him no, they let him run the show, and absolutely everything revolves around him. They even let him scream and run amok in nice restaurants, even disturbing other patrons. If anyone (like teachers or other diners) makes a less than positive comment on his behavior, they get really defensive.
It was mainly my FIL who helped with the move. Everyone else...kind of just got in the way, because unpacking and setting up the furniture is impossible with them hanging around with all their crap scattered all over the place. Tripped over the baby's toys several times.
Doing all this venting on here is calming me down lol.
WOW! No way I would EVER host 7 people in a 1 br apartment with no furniture when I was in the midst of moving. Recipe for disaster. I think you should go to a hotel and get some rest!
And it's unconscionably rude for 7 people to think they could stay with you under those circumstances. I would have simply told them I did not have the space or amenities for a family of 7 but here is a list of local hotels.
And even my husband, because he yells at me for even having a Red Bull (sugar free) in the morning to wake myself up...
Say WHAT? When the in-laws leave, you and he need to have a frank heart-to-heart talk. He'd deny you your morning jolt of joe? I hope "yells" is an exaggeration; otherwise some professional counseling is needed.
It sounds to me like you and your husband need to communicate better. I get the impression that his expectations are not the same as yours, and some of his expectations come across as being inconsiderate of your feelings. It seems like you guys are newlyweds. Whether you are or not, you need to let him know if his expectations are unrealistic. He doesn't sound very practical if he thought that 7 people spending several days in a 1-bedroom apartment was a good idea. His family members who apparently had no problem staying crammed with so many others in such a small space don't come across as practical (or considerate) either.
Please save yourself from future aggravation and arguments by letting your husband know in advance if a family visit will be too much for you to deal with in terms of time and/or space. As many people have said, this sounds like an insanely stressful way to deal with moving and a holiday. I would have spent the money on movers, even if I had to starve for a day or two, just to not deal with such a stressful mess! Do yourself a favor and make sure you don't end up in this type of situation again. If your husband doesn't understand then he is not reasonable.
I'll be honest....drinks would be nice! Unfortunately his family is comprised of conservative Mormons and Catholics, so I have to sneak around with the booze lol.
I have never heard of a Catholic who feels like drinking would be amoral... unless you are implying that they will drink it all... in that case, I totally understand, lol.
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My Mom didn't even know this person. It caused major fallout.
