Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts
You didn't give them the time of day when they were growing up so why do they owe you anything now? Guilt? That's on you. Cheating on their mom was probably like the icing on the cake. They don't have to give you anything let alone a second chance and you can't force them to. Did it occur to you that they have all the friends that they need? They needed a father once and didn't get one so what would they need you as a friend for? To abandon them all over again? They're in their 30's!!! You've had DECADES to wake up and be a father.
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I pretty much agree with this. Your initial post just reeks of a guy who never really had a lot of regard for others and now that he's old, he's regretting that because he doesn't have a lot of close relationships.
My father is a narcissist. He's kind of an awful person in many ways, including cheating on my mother and screwing her over in the divorce. But he was a great dad. I'm almost 40 and he's in his 80s, but I've never doubted for a moment that he had my back or that he loved me as much as it was possible for him to love another human being. Even though I have spent my life making moral decisions based on what he WOULDN'T do, we are very close. He knows I have a room in my house for him should he ever need taking care of.
I had an ex who was a former biker. Toughest guy you'd ever want to meet. His father had abandoned him when he was a toddler. I remember I was fighting with my dad over one of the not-nice things he had done to someone else, and my ex just said "you need to let it go." I asked why I should let it go when Pop was being a jerk, and my ex said with a reverence I had never heard from him "Because he's your dad and he was there."
"Being there" is the most basic thing a kid needs from a parent. And I'm sorry, but I'm older than your sons, and my father is an elderly conservative Republican who is pretty darn old school, and grew up during the Depression and World War 2. Your statement about the "social expectations" of the time doesn't really hold water.
The only way you're going to have a halfway decent relationship with your children is to apologize to them without any expectations of forgiveness or a relationship. And then let them make their decision from there.
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