future sister-in-law doesn't like me - how to fix? (jealous, holidays, relatives)

[thinkalot]

She formed her opinion of you by your behavior. The fact that you are now engaged doesn't change how you acted in the past.

Why weren't you more friendly before you became engaged? Where was the chit chat then?

[brownbagg]

get a new girlfriend

[JanND]

Sounds like she formed her opinions of you on based your past behavior....This is what most of us do....That is why folks always say to think before you speak....

Now..you are being treated just like you were before...only you have had an epiphany....And, you are saying you are trying harder to change her opinion of you. You'll just have to keep trying....if you have honestly changed, she will eventually see it.

I'd advise you to simply quit trying so hard.....And just live your life and enjoy those of your future husband's relatives that do not have such long memories....

[historyfan]

Family dynamics can be weird and may have nothing to do with you. You are not marrying his sister. As others have suggested, always be polite.

[Nick538]

Tell her you are a fan of the Sean Connery Method Of Personal Relationships. When she asks what you mean, give her a backhand across the face and a smack on the ass and say "Ahhh..man talk" and walk away.

It works, trust me! HA HA HA.

[WestCobb]

Originally Posted by unknown00

i am engaged, and my fiancée's sister (who is married) does not like me. she doesn't dislike me nor hate me, but she just doesn't care about me. she never asks how i am, she never reaches, never asks about me. when we are together (whether with family or friends), she never talks to me, never includes me in conversations, never even gives eye contact. it's as if i don't even exist. to be honest, it gets awkward at times.

i know in the past when my fiancée and i were just dating (this is years ago), she did complain about my personality. she mentioned how i complain a lot and like to argue. i can see those reasons as being very unfriendly, but times have changed, and we are future in-laws now rather than just "friends". since my fiancée and i have been engaged, i obviously have tried to be more friendly. i would reach out and try to chit chat and build rapport. the conversation ends right when it begins and before i know it she would contact my fiancée asking why i am talking to her cause it's weird

i am a very direct person (hence maybe why she says i like to argue), so should i just confront her and ask why she doesn't like me and what i can do to fix it? my fiancée and her never talk about me (obviously), so fiancée doesn't know, she says i should just reach out if i feel like there's a problem

thoughts?

It's pretty obvious -- she has a crush on you. You should probably sleep with her to improve the relationship.

[Bluesmama]

Originally Posted by unknown00

thoughts?

I agree with the consensus. Do not confront her. She apparently just does not like you, and getting in her space, no matter how much tact you could employ, would put her on the defensive.

Sounds like she does avoid stirring things up, so at least she is being respectful in that way for her brother. She may hate the fact that you're about to become one of the family but she's choosing to stay in the background and avoid you, and that's okay. She may just need a lot more time to learn to deal with your personality type.

I have one brother-in-law that I don't like much at all, and I'm not sure he particularly likes me either, and I tend to avoid him. I'll sit and talk with him but not for long periods. I don't see it changing.

[nighthouse66]

I think its weird so many people are posting not to ask her directly- I always find that really refreshing and may get her to think about why she doesn't. But of course, I have always been called an aggressive female which is funny because I never thought of myself that way either.

[Alicia64]

I wanted to say that people do change. I know I have (since having kids), but most people just aren't going to believe it. Even if you bend yourself into a pretzel.

Here's the scoop -- and being very blunt -- women talk. It's very possible that your fiancee actually has said things to her sister in anger. The problem w/ doing that is that your fiancee and you "make up," but the sister doesn't forget. It would probably help hugely over the coming years if you ask your fiancee not to take your couple's problems to her sister.

Try to see things from the sister's point of view. She may have heard some things that she can't erase from her mind.

You know how your fiancee is acting like she doesn't have a clue about what's going on? That's a red flag. Sisters generally know what's going on with each other. And then she tells you to reach out to her sister? But her sister calls and says it's weird that you're talking to her?

I think talking to your fiancee is more important than talking to her sister. And the first thing I'd do is to say: we need to talk to each other or a therapist, please don't go to your family members and discuss our relationship.

But no matter what goes down: the sister is being rude. Even when I'm around someone who isn't my cup of tea, I'm polite and thoughtful. Not making eye contact? Not making small talk? Really rude behavior. (Having been married for 15 years with a difficult sister in law, I would assume that this situation won't change.)

Alley

[butterflies1375]

My SIL and my MIL don't like me either. No matter what I've done over the years to try to be friendly with them, it doesn't make a difference. So I stopped killing myself with the effort. I am civil and cordial when I see them, otherwise, I just live my life. My other SIL and BIL love me and treat me like part of the family and we get along great. Not everyone will like you and my self-worth isn't wrapped up in these people. My husband loves me. That's the relationship that matters most.